"My feelings have changed. Like all of a sudden. Not like, oh I realized it and it's been happening, but a sudden switch kind of thing. It's so fast that it...and I realized it when I was at the Castle." MK is stalling but he's trying to find the words. And well, there really isn't another way to say it.
"I don't feel the same for my boyfriends or my other mates. I love you. I love you so very much and you're the only person I love. Not that that is a bad thing but it's sudden. Do you need help with anything? I'm here for you, anything you need. You know that, right?"
--Fuck, so it did effect them. Just like that no-talent dickhead said it would.
There's a short pause. "You don't mean that, MK. Something did this to you. I'm going to fix it. Because--"
Because this feels incredibly bad. He doesn't want this. Maybe he never really did. MK isn't meant for one person.
"Because you deserve to have all the love in your life that you can. I know that you're there for me, but that doesn't have to mean that you feel more for me than for anyone else. Your heart is so big, and it should be."
"If you're going to fix it, then I know you will. I know you can do anything you set your mind to," MK says softly.
"It is big and right now, it's all yours. Until you undo this. But I just want you to know I'm here and I love you. And I'll do anything I can to help. Candid I think needs to talk to you though. He's freaking out about this ruining everything. Are you in a good mental place to talk to him?"
"I love you too, I hope you know that. I'll make it right. For you." And for the others who are affected. Seeing Esme and MK this way, it isn't doing him any good.
In fact, he feels queasy. Is getting what you thought you wanted always this gross feeling?
"I wish you could help, but only one person can do what I need done. Don't worry, I'm all over it." Despite feeling sick.
Maybe he never really wanted to be first...?
Maybe it only feels this bad because he knows what's been lost.
"I know. And I know you're going to do the right thing. Whatever you choose, I know it'll be the right thing," MK says with absolute faith in his voice. There is no hesitation or doubt. Completely and utter belief in Macaque.
"I'll go get him, hang on. Thanks for talking to him. Be right back."
It isn't too long before the sound of movement is heard and Candid speaks.
"Macaque. It's me. I'm glad MK called out. I...I'm sorry."
"I felt the same change as MK. I love you. And only you. And I can only feel that I love you. And...you said if I wrapped myself up in you and only you, it might ruin everything between us. I'm sorry because I'm scared. I don't want to do something hurtful and stupid again but feeling like this makes me worried I might."
And now this doesn't only feel terrible, it's unhealthy for Candid in particular. Yay.
"It's not you. Something happened. I'm fixing it. You're not doing anything wrong, and once I fix it you won't love only me anymore."
He takes another breath, almost ready to say something about Esme and the Contagion, but this would be the worst possible time to get infected himself.
"I'm glad you told me, though. That's a good thing. That you don't want to feel this way."
"So...it's a weird magic thing? Okay. That...I mean...oh my feelings and brain are all confused now. It feels like they're pulling in different directions. I know you can fix it. And...I want to love you. I don't want to be consumed or obsessed. That's not healthy. For you or me or anyone else. I don't want to feel that way. And it feels good that you're glad I told you."
Candid is quiet for a moment.
"...Are you blaming yourself for whatever this is?"
"Yeah. A weird magic thing. Just don't worry, okay? And I want you to love me too, as long as there's no unhealthiness to it. It's good that this is upsetting you. It should."
Macaque's pause after Candid asks that question goes on a few beats too long.
"...It's my fault. There's no one else to blame for it. But I'm going to make everything right."
"...Did you do it on purpose?" Candid asks softly, knowing the answer has to be no. He can't help fix it but maybe he can help Macaque even a little with whatever he is going through thanks to all this?
"The brain surgery did hurt people but you meant for it to help. You did it hoping it would help you and others. Not because you wanted to hurt anyone. There's responsibility in that, you're right. If you didn't do this on purpose, then maybe there is responsibility but that means others should share that responsibility too. It isn't all on you."
"Do you want to tell me how this happened?" Candid asks softly. "You don't have to if it would be too hard. I just know I don't want to blame you. And I know I still won't when this is all over."
"I'd tell you, except I... I can't." He can't get infected now, it might impact his choice to find Max and pull the arrow out of Esme.
"Maybe after it's all fixed. I can tell you then." Once Max is okay and Esme's feelings are back where they belong. When it won't matter if he gets infected. Max already knows that Macaque has feelings for Esme so how much could it matter then?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Re: Voice - UN: MonkieMan
"Different how? Are you okay? What can I do?"
Even when he's frantic about finding Max, he can't leave his mate or his boyfriend to lose it without trying to help.
"I'm--" Well. "I'm hanging in there, kiddo."
Re: Voice - UN: MonkieMan
"I don't feel the same for my boyfriends or my other mates. I love you. I love you so very much and you're the only person I love. Not that that is a bad thing but it's sudden. Do you need help with anything? I'm here for you, anything you need. You know that, right?"
Re: Voice - UN: MonkieMan
There's a short pause. "You don't mean that, MK. Something did this to you. I'm going to fix it. Because--"
Because this feels incredibly bad. He doesn't want this. Maybe he never really did. MK isn't meant for one person.
"Because you deserve to have all the love in your life that you can. I know that you're there for me, but that doesn't have to mean that you feel more for me than for anyone else. Your heart is so big, and it should be."
Re: Voice - UN: MonkieMan
"It is big and right now, it's all yours. Until you undo this. But I just want you to know I'm here and I love you. And I'll do anything I can to help. Candid I think needs to talk to you though. He's freaking out about this ruining everything. Are you in a good mental place to talk to him?"
Re: Voice - UN: MonkieMan
In fact, he feels queasy. Is getting what you thought you wanted always this gross feeling?
"I wish you could help, but only one person can do what I need done. Don't worry, I'm all over it." Despite feeling sick.
Maybe he never really wanted to be first...?
Maybe it only feels this bad because he knows what's been lost.
"Yeah, I can talk to him."
Re: Voice - UN: MonkieMan
"I'll go get him, hang on. Thanks for talking to him. Be right back."
It isn't too long before the sound of movement is heard and Candid speaks.
"Macaque. It's me. I'm glad MK called out. I...I'm sorry."
Re: Voice - UN: MonkieMan
He waits on the line, wondering what else he can add to the pile of shit that's his fault.
"Hey. What are you sorry for?"
Re: Voice - UN: MonkieMan
"I felt the same change as MK. I love you. And only you. And I can only feel that I love you. And...you said if I wrapped myself up in you and only you, it might ruin everything between us. I'm sorry because I'm scared. I don't want to do something hurtful and stupid again but feeling like this makes me worried I might."
Re: Voice - UN: MonkieMan
"It's not you. Something happened. I'm fixing it. You're not doing anything wrong, and once I fix it you won't love only me anymore."
He takes another breath, almost ready to say something about Esme and the Contagion, but this would be the worst possible time to get infected himself.
"I'm glad you told me, though. That's a good thing. That you don't want to feel this way."
Re: Voice - UN: MonkieMan
Candid is quiet for a moment.
"...Are you blaming yourself for whatever this is?"
Re: Voice - UN: MonkieMan
Macaque's pause after Candid asks that question goes on a few beats too long.
"...It's my fault. There's no one else to blame for it. But I'm going to make everything right."
Re: Voice - UN: MonkieMan
Re: Voice - UN: MonkieMan
Re: Voice - UN: MonkieMan
Re: Voice - UN: MonkieMan
Re: Voice - UN: MonkieMan
Re: Voice - UN: MonkieMan
"Maybe after it's all fixed. I can tell you then." Once Max is okay and Esme's feelings are back where they belong. When it won't matter if he gets infected. Max already knows that Macaque has feelings for Esme so how much could it matter then?