[Making a choice meant to help someone but causing trouble brings up unpleasant memories.]
It still counts. The reason doesn't matter. You've realized what you want to do and you're taking the steps to work for it. It's not happening overnight for a lot of reasons...but you're trying.
You think far too highly of me. I suppose that outlook is one reason you and MK get along so well. [ Since he has similar ideas about how decent Macaque is. ]
The trying doesn't mean all that much unless I actually do it.
He didn't. It wasn't something he felt the need to I guess. But I'm not thinking about what you did before so much as the change you've shown me.
I'm not saying it doesn't matter, but I'm in no position to judge you for what you did before. I've done terrible things too, even if it wasn't willingly.
Oh trust me, I'm not planning to. But I'm also not going to condemn you for something that I wasn't there for that you feel remorse for.
[Cole's sitting firm on that.]
All I'm asking is that you don't be so hard on yourself with everything that just happened making things harder. If you can ease the blame on me, you deserve the same. That's my thought on the matter.
You didn't say. Talk is cheap to my kind. That's part of why we have the power we do. The feelings you've expressed through those words, and the glamour you've fed me told me.
The current situation is all over the place, so I think it's fair to say I've felt a lot of things about it.
...You're a good kid. That's all I'm saying. And good people... [ he shrugs ] You might be seeing things in me that aren't there anymore. Every time you do it feels like I'm messing with you.
A good kid...I haven't felt like one in a long time.
I was remade to be a snoop, but now I belong to such an abomination that even an eldritch god calls her that. I'm a good kid who sold out to save my own skin and violated my friend's trust because I didn't know what would happen if I didn't. I've been marked for death by a mage who wanted to use my spirit for who knows what until I was no longer me. I've also seen a person whose creed and powers are Hero, that sold his brother to a fairy in exchange for a new brother just so he could be the big brother instead...because the older brother is the main character. I've seen a whole two reduced to faceless zombies.
So if it helps, take my view of you with a grain of salt. Because between all of that and literally being a portal and a puppet...I really don't feel like you're messing with me, Macaque. I'm also not saying you're a saint...but one of the most trustworthy people I met was an assassin.
[ Macaque hates all of that, as he often does when Cole talks about his past. ]
You've had a terrible time of it, no argument. Doesn't mean that's what you deserved. A lot of your situation it doesn't sound like you had any control over, or not much.
I'm different. I had plenty of choices and plenty of power and I still messed everything up.
I had choices. But that wasn't the point so much as I trust the feelings I get from people. The feelings from the best and the worst. You may not be the best, but my gut tells me that you're not messing with me.
And I still don't think that this last two weeks makes you terrible. That's all. We're our worst critics after all.
I'll let it go if you at least take in what I'm saying. I don't give my trust easily even to people I sleep in the same room with. So please respect that. I trust you more than half of the friends I've had longer.
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It still counts. The reason doesn't matter. You've realized what you want to do and you're taking the steps to work for it. It's not happening overnight for a lot of reasons...but you're trying.
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The trying doesn't mean all that much unless I actually do it.
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...also, you saw my definition of terrible in the haunted house. And you let me talk about it a bit. So...maybe the bar has been set high.
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...Did MK tell you what I did to him when we first met? And for a long time after?
Your opinion of me shouldn't be good at all, and neither should his.
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I'm not saying it doesn't matter, but I'm in no position to judge you for what you did before. I've done terrible things too, even if it wasn't willingly.
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It's really not change. I told you, I was always the earnest type. At least until it burned me and got me killed.
Don't let me get in a position to hurt you more, is all I'm saying. You've had enough of that.
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[Cole's sitting firm on that.]
All I'm asking is that you don't be so hard on yourself with everything that just happened making things harder. If you can ease the blame on me, you deserve the same. That's my thought on the matter.
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And I'm not being hard on myself, I'm being honest. MK wants to think better of me than he should, and that could end badly.
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So I think you are, if only about current events.
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...You're a good kid. That's all I'm saying. And good people... [ he shrugs ] You might be seeing things in me that aren't there anymore. Every time you do it feels like I'm messing with you.
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I was remade to be a snoop, but now I belong to such an abomination that even an eldritch god calls her that. I'm a good kid who sold out to save my own skin and violated my friend's trust because I didn't know what would happen if I didn't. I've been marked for death by a mage who wanted to use my spirit for who knows what until I was no longer me. I've also seen a person whose creed and powers are Hero, that sold his brother to a fairy in exchange for a new brother just so he could be the big brother instead...because the older brother is the main character. I've seen a whole two reduced to faceless zombies.
So if it helps, take my view of you with a grain of salt. Because between all of that and literally being a portal and a puppet...I really don't feel like you're messing with me, Macaque. I'm also not saying you're a saint...but one of the most trustworthy people I met was an assassin.
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You've had a terrible time of it, no argument. Doesn't mean that's what you deserved. A lot of your situation it doesn't sound like you had any control over, or not much.
I'm different. I had plenty of choices and plenty of power and I still messed everything up.
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And I still don't think that this last two weeks makes you terrible. That's all. We're our worst critics after all.
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Let it go. [ His voice is doing that gentle thing again, he really should stop that. ]
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[ A soft sigh. ]
You and MK are cut from the same cloth.
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MK's more like the three people who showed me I can still trust. I wish you could meet them.
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If you want to give me your trust, I can't really argue you out of it, was my point. Not that I won't try sometimes.
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You can talk, but it's mostly what you do that matters.
And...If I can help with Wukong, please let me know. Even if you just need a moment of peace.
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I'll manage. Just getting any sleep that's going to be the trouble.
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Locale doesn't tend to matter when your mind is going a thousand miles an hour.
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Fair, but having a quiet place no one would think to find you can help with those thoughts and sleeping. I should know.
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