"Not only him." That was just the one notable time in public. He'd have done the same with MK if they hadn't been going where they were going. "Choco encouraged me to take my glamours down at your place, which I will when I think of it. At this point I have to actively remember to leave them down rather than the opposite."
But since they're on the topic, down go the glamours. Ears and his eye (and others, one of which is a scar that will show when Wash rolls his sleeve up).
--Anyway, there are more horror stories to listen to-
"Kidnapping and experimenting on kids?!" Macaque practically growls it in a way that makes clear that it's a very good thing those particular assholes aren't in front of him right now.
He allows his sleeve to be tugged up, he's still stuck on a military kidnapping and experimenting on children. If Wash were to look up at his face right now, it looks scary as hell. But when the petting starts, he forces himself to relax. It's over and done with, and not really his right to be furious over.
"Good. I'm glad for you," he said. "And I'm not surprised. Even if she's having trouble with her stuff, she would never want anyone to feel like they have to hide themselves. She'd steal my helmet whenever she visited my world and knew it was a safe zone," he said. A brief pause. "She would steal it because she knows I won't fight her on it and recognize I may need the push."
"Yyyyeah, it was...a whole thing when it came out," Wash said. He's not happy about it either. But its also been a very long time since that all happened and came out, so he had his time to be horrified by it. What could be done, had been done. "Desperate people make desperate decisions. It doesn't make what they did okay by a long shot, but its the same reason I agreed to get another person shoved into my brain. If it meant planets would be glassed anymore, it seemed worth it. 'What is a few dozen kids compared to the billions who have died and will die?'"
Desperation at its very infest.
He runs his hand over Macaque's arm. Traces over the scar. Gently runs through the fur. "Glassing was orbital plasma bombardment. Any place on the planets surface that's hit will turn into Lechatelierite. Looks like glass. Destroys all life on the planet, plants included. Once the process has started, the only hope is to leave the planet. Even if the glassing ships are taken down, which was rare, the atmosphere will be too wrecked for life to keep living on it. And the only way to leave a planet is by ship. Which would be shot down, so forces had to focus on protecting those ships instead of trying to take down the Covenant ships. Glassing was Covenant procedure for any planet they found that was occupied by humans, unless there was a specific reason not to. Usually because there was Forerunner ruins somewhere on it. Ancient race the Covenant worshiped. Several billion civilians, they'd wipe out without a second thought, but one ancient pyramid? Then it was ground troops."
"I wish she wouldn't read into it. I wish no one would. It's about me and not about them, or how much I love them or trust them. But I know how easy it can be for people to get the wrong idea, so I'm trying to be better about it. For a given definition of better." Success varies according to a lot of factors.
Macaque doesn't especially want to hear more, not once the genocide starts. Not much turns his stomach, but that does. However, if Wash needs to say it, then the least he can do is listen.
"Not to state the obvious, but everything about that is fucked. Does it still happen?"
"I'm pretty sure she's not reading it as a rejection of her. She isn't removing my helmet because she thinks I don't trust her. Its that I use it as away to maintain a distance and safety as a default defense mechanism. She removes it so I'll bond more with other people because she knows I want to," he said. "But you can ask her to be sure."
"No, not anymore. Like I said, Masterchief ended up being the silver bullet. There were other factors at play, of course, but he was a deciding factors in a lot of ways. We managed to find out the truth behind the whole genocidal practices and found a way to make peace with some of the species in the Covenant and deal with the rest who wouldn't be reasoned with," Wash said. "It doesn't make what happened to those kids, or to a lot of other people right, not by a long shot, but..."
He just kind of pauses, staring at the middle distance. "But...I do understand it. I was on one of those ships as a kid. Less than five percent of the population got off world. So...for all of the UNSC's flaws...I still remember the soldiers and relief workers who touched down on a city that was half in rubble, still trying to find people before the plasma got closer. Still bothering to ask where my parents were, that they would have tried to save them if they had just been trapped."
He sighs, but only lightly. More an exhale than anything. "In my case, it's the opposite. Hiding my ears encourages me to interact with people. I know I shouldn't care, but here we are. The first however many decades of my life was spent in nonstop isolation because of how I looked, it's not easy to brush off. Maybe as long as a century and change?" Ah well, the timeframe isn't important, the point is it was a long time.
Macaque is quiet again as Wash speaks. "You've really never had it easy, have you?"
He nods. "Understandable. People really can be dicks," he said. "...and monkeys." Humans and monkeys need to get it together. "Their loss, really. You're pretty cool and the ears are pretty in a way that's hard to describe, but they are."
"I had a great foster family," he said. "Dealt with bullies because even when there's a massive war orphan problem, some people still decide to make it a whole thing. But my sisters and parents? They were great. Had my back. Even if dad always hated my cats, but I'd get Cindy in on the puppy dog eye action and he'd cave."
"But...whenever I was in the war, it was bad. Some of it is just normal war stuff, but I did have a streak of being in some notably terrible incidents. On the other hand, it was a lot of forged in fire moments. I didn't always succeed my missions, but I became known as someone who got his people out alive and just wouldn't die. I was incredibly vexing for a lot of my COs." He chuckled. "I'd call them out when they were making the wrong decision or being assholes for no good reason, but they could never quite justify court martialing me because I had saved like ten guys just the other day. I got transferred a lot."
There is a noticeably long pause. Wash can probably tell without looking that complimenting his ears made him blush. "And here I thought you were just playing with them for the reactions." Which he probably mostly was, but even so.
"I'm glad you had people. Even if they didn't all like cats." Adorable to imagine tiny Wash with puppy eyes though, pleading for another kitty.
On the other hand, imagining him being justifiably a dick to his superiors is fun in a different way.
"I mean, the reactions were certainly worth it," he said. "But if I could get at them comfortably from this angle, I would be petting them. Your arm is just easier." Laziness is saving Macaque's cool points.
"It was honestly probably my saving grace in a lot of ways. I don't know if I was born with the mental divides I have, but I learned to build the walls that time as a kid. Kept me going. But the McCormicks allowed me to move back into having fun and loving people and all that again. Instead of being stuck in the trauma, I could allow myself to be...human and happy. Keep terrifying laser focus for times when I needed it, be happy the rest," he said. Even if surviving the glassing didn't require the rage, it had been shutting down all his other emotions that had kept him from freezing up and getting killed.
"Even if it meant fighting dad about cats all the time," he said with a huff and a fond smile.
"Oh, there was always some stupid luck. I could tell you some stories about Loki, but yeah, it got a lot more obvious in warzones. I got declared KIA five different times before showing up with my squad a few days later. Always managed to blow things up just the right way to get things done in the most chaotic way possible. I would have some kind of incident with a car once a month. I met Connie in basic, she taught me to throw knives. I met Maine on another planet, and I was the only guy who convinced him to take off his helmet and eat with the rest of the squad. This was before they were recruited to Project Freelancer. And then one day I was on a nothing mining planet with like three settlements on it, we found some Forerunner tech, just in time for the Covenant to show up. I got put in charge because the CO was horrifically wounded in the first barrage and he knew my reputation for not letting people die. And we were too small to get help any quicker than a week, and if any Covenant to retrieve the tech we found, the planet was glass. It was last or die. Now this was before I was augmented and I slept...four hours in a week. Luckily, I remembered the weather report had flash floods soon, so I had us blow up the terrain to make mud pits swallow up enemy forces. So we just had to hold the wall and take potshots on those not swallowed up by the ground. And when back up arrives, whose there, but Maine. He greeted me and then I passed the fuck out into the mud. That was how Freelancer noticed me."
Another pause, and then Macaque's weight shifts to hold himself and Wash up as the tree behind them -- vanishes. Macaque portaled the tree and its entire root structure three feet back. He then lays down on the ground and pulls Wash along with him, so they're laying on the ground rather than against the tree. "Pet away." He's still a bit red, but whatever. After hearing Wash's horror stories, he wanted to do something nice.
Yeah he sure did do that just so Wash could get what he wanted. It's not like it took effort.
"That explains a lot, your foster family I mean. Why you're able to be who you are." Instead of completely out of his mind. Macaque would probably have been very different if he'd found any acceptance earlier in his life.
"Stupid luck, but at least some of that was you." Credit where it's due, and all. He did a lot without magic or unique strength, advantages that Macaque had always taken more or less for granted.
Well, how can he say no to that? He'll shift to a more comfortable position, a hand going to his ears, petting his ears gently. Being very careful compared to how rough he had been the other day.
"Yeah. I love them a lot. They likely think I'm dead by now, but....I know where they are now. I was able to find that out before all the Time Travel nonsense. I just kind of have to get the nerve to face all that. I know they'll be happy to see me. But they'll also see all the differences. But...I want Choco to meet them. And the guys and Carolina. Its just one of those things that need to be braced for and I need to stop being kidnapped by gods or whatever," he said, a bit wistful. Its not like he could tell them he joined Project Freelancer. Codenames were that for a reason. Who knows what they've been told.
"Well, of course. Luck only makes the situations. If you don't have some ability to capitalize on it, it can only get you so far. The Reds and Blues have even stupider luck, and even they needed some skills to use it effectively," he said. "Caboose is strong and does some weird stuff when it comes to machines, like Donnie level stuff somehow, Grif is great with vehicles, Sarge is great at reading chaotic battlefield situations, Simmons is smart, Donut has one hell of an arm, and Tucker...well, Tucker is a lot of things, and he's pretty amazing when he tries," he said and there is a definite note of fondness to his tone on that last name.
Macaque starts purring pretty much immediately. And it really is quite unlike a cat's purring, if he's listening for that.
"If you could stop getting kidnapped, that would be good. You and Choco both. In fact, please stop or else Red is going to need to rip through a lot of dimensions looking." He's just saying, it's for the greater good and all.
Macaque chuckles at the Obviousness. That's probably nothing compared to how he sounds when he talks about Red or MK or especially Wukong.
He is definitely listen. Its important to memorize specific sounds and purr types.
"To be fair, Roxy knows to look out for us if we actually go 'missing.' Church is a mother hen and he hardcore adopted Choco. And Epsilon would be the same for me. Its the whole 'time usually isn't passing' that's usually a problem. Its why Lott feels like he only saw us two months ago even though its been like...a year. Or something. Its been a long while, time is a mess," Wash said. "And I'm pretty sure Donnie is making interdimensional tracker schematics by now."
So much gently scritching for the ears. "There is also something to be said for making connection. They managed to get through to a lot of people in crazy situations just by taking chances for people who may not deserve it," he said. "But they've never been wrong regarding second chances." Maybe first chances, but not seconds.
His purring is much deeper than a cat's, for one thing, and it has a wildness to it that house cats don't.
"I could've told you that time is a mess and I don't even remember exactly how old I am." No surprise there. "Interdimensional travel isn't really my area, but I've done some reading about it to impress Red so I'm confident when I say it's complicated as hell. Explaining what will happen is exponentially harder than explaining why something did happen."
He hums and leans into the scritching. "I'm all for making connections. Making the best of what we have. All that. Why do you think I'm letting you at my ears even though it goes against centuries of habit?"
"It is very complicated. I think Roxy and Caboose are the only people I know who could understand it fully," he said. And one is literally made for it, and Caboose just might be an eldritch being, it would not surprise him. "I'd need to count the days to really say how much time has passed."
"Because I'm great at scritches?" Wash teased and scratched at the base.
"Connections are important though. That's why I told you everything. While I was under Article 12, I was stuck with people I knew would kill me if I tipped the scale from 'potentially useful limited resource' to 'threat.' That they were trying to find ways to break me and mold me to something useful and I had to make them think it was working. They always chose these fresh doctors and nurses to help me, and it didn't take long to figure out the threat. I try to leave, they're not going to be careful with their shots. Couldn't ask for help because getting transferred was the lucky outcome. And they'd always ask me about the agents who fled. Reminded me constantly that none of them had come back for me. Despite my best efforts, I can't say that didn't have an impact. Not as strong as they would have liked, but...it did enough," he said, staring at the sky. "I didn't want you to feel alone with all that pain, because its so much harder to keep from letting it change you."
"You are pretty great at scritches. Must be all that practice." Macaque keeps on purring and a few soft chirps also filter through, though they probably won't mean much to Wash.
And then the rest of that.
"I was still a stranger. You knew that Choco and I were something, potentially, since I was in there, but you didn't know much else. Even though you had your own reasons, it still meant something to me that you did it. I'm not sure if I could rip myself open to someone I just met like that. I remember sitting in that room and being a bit in awe."
"Had to tempt those strays home somehow," Wash said. He has no idea what the chirps mean, well, not exactly. He's always been good at the nonverbal cues.
"It did help that you were important to Choco. Even when she makes friends with the shadiest motherfuckers around, she still charms them and that meant there was a safety net," he said. "And I wouldn't wish for the Epsilon isolation combination on...well, okay, I would on a few people, but I'm a spiteful, vindictive asshole and I know some really evil people. But there's a really long list of bad people I wouldn't wish it on."
"I'm nothing if not a stray." He says it like a lighthearted joke, even if it might sound rather heavy. Macaque is fine with being a stray, now that he's found places to go home to.
The chirps are equally light, affectionate but in an easygoing way. Clearly approving of being petted and scritched.
"You've probably guessed by now that most of my shadiness is a show. Smoke and mirrors. I only started using it after I died, as a way to keep myself from getting close to people. Didn't work especially well. Now I just do it for fun." Everyone knows he's a marshmallow but he's gotta keep people on their toes somehow.
"Not the worst thing in the world. At least you don't scratch as much as I did," he said with a chuckle.
He hummed and nodded his head. "It is really fun. I cannot tell you how many people call me out for being cryptic and its funny every time. I spent so long being seriously dramatic, about time I got to just be goofy about it," he said.
"Said the person I scratched the hell out of the other day." He's just saying. What Macaque won't do if given the right kind of encouragement.
Oh no, that's really cute. "I can get behind you being a goofball. I'll try to bring all the terrible puns I can carry to the cat cafe to further the cause."
"Yeah, but I was very much asking for it," Wash said. There is a pause. "We would probably have to have a discussion about kinks if we do decide to sleep together because that can get...dicey with my everything and it can vary what is and is not on the table on any given day."
He is a mess and he knows it, okay. And what might be coping one day isn't another.
"I am always here for puns. Puns are great," he said. "And a cat cafe is the purrfect place for them."
"Sounds both fun and productive. Even accounting for diceyness." Talking about what you're planning to do is and should be fun, even if there are serious pieces. "I know not to surprise you, but I'm fine hearing whatever else whenever you care to tell me."
"Oh please, that was cat-astrophic. But that's your only preview, I'm saving my good material."
"Surprise is the biggest thing. Anything that involves blind trust takes a while, even when trust isn't a problem at any other time," he said. "Safe words are also very important if you...know what that is. I don't know how much you know about the kink etiquette that...I think started in the 20th century. It may have been 21st or 22nd," he said.
"Hey, part of the fun is taking the easy ones," he said with a chuckle, shifting and pressing his face against the top of Macaque's head.
"I didn't figure you were one to test proverbial trust falls on. And I know what a safeword is. For humans all that started in the 20th century, though I was dead for all of it. I've been told about the concept. It's probably safe to assume I know the ideas but not the buzzwords, I've been alive and screwing around for a lot of years."
Macaque's hair is as soft as his fur, and he just allows Wash to cuddle there for as long as he likes. Macaque even smells nice because he's bathing twice a day, stupid imminent shedding.
"A good instinct. And I can explain it. Some of it is very handy tools, especially if you do want to try stuff that sometimes just doesn't go well and you can find that out really quickly. Its like safety nets," he said.
He hums and nuzzles the top of his head. He IS really soft. "It can help feel like there's more control and stuff."
"I'm open to whatever you want me to know. What would be the good of jumping into bed if it's not fun for everyone?" And, as he said, talking about it doesn't bother him. "Teach away. We're coming from opposing ends of a spectrum on a few levels, with what you're referencing and me with the magic. But it was obvious that I shouldn't just go for it, there's a reason I didn't use any magic." He could read the room that far.
Macaque smiles as Wash nuzzles at him. Getting sleepy up there? (Notably, Macaque's purring kicks up ever so slightly.)
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Re: A couple days after the Questionable Coping
But since they're on the topic, down go the glamours. Ears and his eye (and others, one of which is a scar that will show when Wash rolls his sleeve up).
--Anyway, there are more horror stories to listen to-
"Kidnapping and experimenting on kids?!" Macaque practically growls it in a way that makes clear that it's a very good thing those particular assholes aren't in front of him right now.
He allows his sleeve to be tugged up, he's still stuck on a military kidnapping and experimenting on children. If Wash were to look up at his face right now, it looks scary as hell. But when the petting starts, he forces himself to relax. It's over and done with, and not really his right to be furious over.
"Yeah, those guys are just like Heaven."
Re: A couple days after the Questionable Coping
"Yyyyeah, it was...a whole thing when it came out," Wash said. He's not happy about it either. But its also been a very long time since that all happened and came out, so he had his time to be horrified by it. What could be done, had been done. "Desperate people make desperate decisions. It doesn't make what they did okay by a long shot, but its the same reason I agreed to get another person shoved into my brain. If it meant planets would be glassed anymore, it seemed worth it. 'What is a few dozen kids compared to the billions who have died and will die?'"
Desperation at its very infest.
He runs his hand over Macaque's arm. Traces over the scar. Gently runs through the fur. "Glassing was orbital plasma bombardment. Any place on the planets surface that's hit will turn into Lechatelierite. Looks like glass. Destroys all life on the planet, plants included. Once the process has started, the only hope is to leave the planet. Even if the glassing ships are taken down, which was rare, the atmosphere will be too wrecked for life to keep living on it. And the only way to leave a planet is by ship. Which would be shot down, so forces had to focus on protecting those ships instead of trying to take down the Covenant ships. Glassing was Covenant procedure for any planet they found that was occupied by humans, unless there was a specific reason not to. Usually because there was Forerunner ruins somewhere on it. Ancient race the Covenant worshiped. Several billion civilians, they'd wipe out without a second thought, but one ancient pyramid? Then it was ground troops."
Re: A couple days after the Questionable Coping
Macaque doesn't especially want to hear more, not once the genocide starts. Not much turns his stomach, but that does. However, if Wash needs to say it, then the least he can do is listen.
"Not to state the obvious, but everything about that is fucked. Does it still happen?"
Re: A couple days after the Questionable Coping
"No, not anymore. Like I said, Masterchief ended up being the silver bullet. There were other factors at play, of course, but he was a deciding factors in a lot of ways. We managed to find out the truth behind the whole genocidal practices and found a way to make peace with some of the species in the Covenant and deal with the rest who wouldn't be reasoned with," Wash said. "It doesn't make what happened to those kids, or to a lot of other people right, not by a long shot, but..."
He just kind of pauses, staring at the middle distance. "But...I do understand it. I was on one of those ships as a kid. Less than five percent of the population got off world. So...for all of the UNSC's flaws...I still remember the soldiers and relief workers who touched down on a city that was half in rubble, still trying to find people before the plasma got closer. Still bothering to ask where my parents were, that they would have tried to save them if they had just been trapped."
Re: A couple days after the Questionable Coping
Macaque is quiet again as Wash speaks. "You've really never had it easy, have you?"
Re: A couple days after the Questionable Coping
"I had a great foster family," he said. "Dealt with bullies because even when there's a massive war orphan problem, some people still decide to make it a whole thing. But my sisters and parents? They were great. Had my back. Even if dad always hated my cats, but I'd get Cindy in on the puppy dog eye action and he'd cave."
"But...whenever I was in the war, it was bad. Some of it is just normal war stuff, but I did have a streak of being in some notably terrible incidents. On the other hand, it was a lot of forged in fire moments. I didn't always succeed my missions, but I became known as someone who got his people out alive and just wouldn't die. I was incredibly vexing for a lot of my COs." He chuckled. "I'd call them out when they were making the wrong decision or being assholes for no good reason, but they could never quite justify court martialing me because I had saved like ten guys just the other day. I got transferred a lot."
Re: A couple days after the Questionable Coping
"I'm glad you had people. Even if they didn't all like cats." Adorable to imagine tiny Wash with puppy eyes though, pleading for another kitty.
On the other hand, imagining him being justifiably a dick to his superiors is fun in a different way.
"Is that where your stupid luck became a thing?"
Re: A couple days after the Questionable Coping
"It was honestly probably my saving grace in a lot of ways. I don't know if I was born with the mental divides I have, but I learned to build the walls that time as a kid. Kept me going. But the McCormicks allowed me to move back into having fun and loving people and all that again. Instead of being stuck in the trauma, I could allow myself to be...human and happy. Keep terrifying laser focus for times when I needed it, be happy the rest," he said. Even if surviving the glassing didn't require the rage, it had been shutting down all his other emotions that had kept him from freezing up and getting killed.
"Even if it meant fighting dad about cats all the time," he said with a huff and a fond smile.
"Oh, there was always some stupid luck. I could tell you some stories about Loki, but yeah, it got a lot more obvious in warzones. I got declared KIA five different times before showing up with my squad a few days later. Always managed to blow things up just the right way to get things done in the most chaotic way possible. I would have some kind of incident with a car once a month. I met Connie in basic, she taught me to throw knives. I met Maine on another planet, and I was the only guy who convinced him to take off his helmet and eat with the rest of the squad. This was before they were recruited to Project Freelancer. And then one day I was on a nothing mining planet with like three settlements on it, we found some Forerunner tech, just in time for the Covenant to show up. I got put in charge because the CO was horrifically wounded in the first barrage and he knew my reputation for not letting people die. And we were too small to get help any quicker than a week, and if any Covenant to retrieve the tech we found, the planet was glass. It was last or die. Now this was before I was augmented and I slept...four hours in a week. Luckily, I remembered the weather report had flash floods soon, so I had us blow up the terrain to make mud pits swallow up enemy forces. So we just had to hold the wall and take potshots on those not swallowed up by the ground. And when back up arrives, whose there, but Maine. He greeted me and then I passed the fuck out into the mud. That was how Freelancer noticed me."
Re: A couple days after the Questionable Coping
Yeah he sure did do that just so Wash could get what he wanted. It's not like it took effort.
"That explains a lot, your foster family I mean. Why you're able to be who you are." Instead of completely out of his mind. Macaque would probably have been very different if he'd found any acceptance earlier in his life.
"Stupid luck, but at least some of that was you." Credit where it's due, and all. He did a lot without magic or unique strength, advantages that Macaque had always taken more or less for granted.
Re: A couple days after the Questionable Coping
He doesn't quite expect this sudden shift, but-
Oh.
Cute ears.
Well, how can he say no to that? He'll shift to a more comfortable position, a hand going to his ears, petting his ears gently. Being very careful compared to how rough he had been the other day.
"Yeah. I love them a lot. They likely think I'm dead by now, but....I know where they are now. I was able to find that out before all the Time Travel nonsense. I just kind of have to get the nerve to face all that. I know they'll be happy to see me. But they'll also see all the differences. But...I want Choco to meet them. And the guys and Carolina. Its just one of those things that need to be braced for and I need to stop being kidnapped by gods or whatever," he said, a bit wistful. Its not like he could tell them he joined Project Freelancer. Codenames were that for a reason. Who knows what they've been told.
"Well, of course. Luck only makes the situations. If you don't have some ability to capitalize on it, it can only get you so far. The Reds and Blues have even stupider luck, and even they needed some skills to use it effectively," he said. "Caboose is strong and does some weird stuff when it comes to machines, like Donnie level stuff somehow, Grif is great with vehicles, Sarge is great at reading chaotic battlefield situations, Simmons is smart, Donut has one hell of an arm, and Tucker...well, Tucker is a lot of things, and he's pretty amazing when he tries," he said and there is a definite note of fondness to his tone on that last name.
Choco is a menace.
Re: A couple days after the Questionable Coping
"If you could stop getting kidnapped, that would be good. You and Choco both. In fact, please stop or else Red is going to need to rip through a lot of dimensions looking." He's just saying, it's for the greater good and all.
Macaque chuckles at the Obviousness. That's probably nothing compared to how he sounds when he talks about Red or MK or especially Wukong.
Re: A couple days after the Questionable Coping
"To be fair, Roxy knows to look out for us if we actually go 'missing.' Church is a mother hen and he hardcore adopted Choco. And Epsilon would be the same for me. Its the whole 'time usually isn't passing' that's usually a problem. Its why Lott feels like he only saw us two months ago even though its been like...a year. Or something. Its been a long while, time is a mess," Wash said. "And I'm pretty sure Donnie is making interdimensional tracker schematics by now."
So much gently scritching for the ears. "There is also something to be said for making connection. They managed to get through to a lot of people in crazy situations just by taking chances for people who may not deserve it," he said. "But they've never been wrong regarding second chances." Maybe first chances, but not seconds.
Re: A couple days after the Questionable Coping
"I could've told you that time is a mess and I don't even remember exactly how old I am." No surprise there. "Interdimensional travel isn't really my area, but I've done some reading about it to impress Red so I'm confident when I say it's complicated as hell. Explaining what will happen is exponentially harder than explaining why something did happen."
He hums and leans into the scritching. "I'm all for making connections. Making the best of what we have. All that. Why do you think I'm letting you at my ears even though it goes against centuries of habit?"
Re: A couple days after the Questionable Coping
"Because I'm great at scritches?" Wash teased and scratched at the base.
"Connections are important though. That's why I told you everything. While I was under Article 12, I was stuck with people I knew would kill me if I tipped the scale from 'potentially useful limited resource' to 'threat.' That they were trying to find ways to break me and mold me to something useful and I had to make them think it was working. They always chose these fresh doctors and nurses to help me, and it didn't take long to figure out the threat. I try to leave, they're not going to be careful with their shots. Couldn't ask for help because getting transferred was the lucky outcome. And they'd always ask me about the agents who fled. Reminded me constantly that none of them had come back for me. Despite my best efforts, I can't say that didn't have an impact. Not as strong as they would have liked, but...it did enough," he said, staring at the sky. "I didn't want you to feel alone with all that pain, because its so much harder to keep from letting it change you."
Re: A couple days after the Questionable Coping
And then the rest of that.
"I was still a stranger. You knew that Choco and I were something, potentially, since I was in there, but you didn't know much else. Even though you had your own reasons, it still meant something to me that you did it. I'm not sure if I could rip myself open to someone I just met like that. I remember sitting in that room and being a bit in awe."
Re: A couple days after the Questionable Coping
"It did help that you were important to Choco. Even when she makes friends with the shadiest motherfuckers around, she still charms them and that meant there was a safety net," he said. "And I wouldn't wish for the Epsilon isolation combination on...well, okay, I would on a few people, but I'm a spiteful, vindictive asshole and I know some really evil people. But there's a really long list of bad people I wouldn't wish it on."
Re: A couple days after the Questionable Coping
The chirps are equally light, affectionate but in an easygoing way. Clearly approving of being petted and scritched.
"You've probably guessed by now that most of my shadiness is a show. Smoke and mirrors. I only started using it after I died, as a way to keep myself from getting close to people. Didn't work especially well. Now I just do it for fun." Everyone knows he's a marshmallow but he's gotta keep people on their toes somehow.
Re: A couple days after the Questionable Coping
He hummed and nodded his head. "It is really fun. I cannot tell you how many people call me out for being cryptic and its funny every time. I spent so long being seriously dramatic, about time I got to just be goofy about it," he said.
Re: A couple days after the Questionable Coping
Oh no, that's really cute. "I can get behind you being a goofball. I'll try to bring all the terrible puns I can carry to the cat cafe to further the cause."
Re: A couple days after the Questionable Coping
He is a mess and he knows it, okay. And what might be coping one day isn't another.
"I am always here for puns. Puns are great," he said. "And a cat cafe is the purrfect place for them."
Re: A couple days after the Questionable Coping
"Oh please, that was cat-astrophic. But that's your only preview, I'm saving my good material."
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"Hey, part of the fun is taking the easy ones," he said with a chuckle, shifting and pressing his face against the top of Macaque's head.
Re: A couple days after the Questionable Coping
Macaque's hair is as soft as his fur, and he just allows Wash to cuddle there for as long as he likes. Macaque even smells nice because he's bathing twice a day, stupid imminent shedding.
Re: A couple days after the Questionable Coping
He hums and nuzzles the top of his head. He IS really soft. "It can help feel like there's more control and stuff."
Re: A couple days after the Questionable Coping
Macaque smiles as Wash nuzzles at him. Getting sleepy up there? (Notably, Macaque's purring kicks up ever so slightly.)
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