Yeah well, I can only reset him when he comes home to the place he can start moving forward. And that's all I can do because he keeps coming home shattered.
How I am and how he is are pretty tied together, since I was there when he hurt Choco and right after, and I was there when Cole was in his coma, and I was there during that damned game. And one of his clones asked me to try to help him deal with his feelings and he said he wanted to, so I've been trying to do that, but...
[ Don't mind him burrowing into Wukong. ] Not being able to help him, or Cole, or even Choco in the way I want to, it's part of why I haven't been doing well.
So yeah, you know that I've been working on grounding MK. On him accepting everything that is him. And I've been working with him before you got here. I know he talks to you and Red Son more about the things going on with him than he does to me. He'll tell me the personal stuff so I can help him, but nothing else...
But...I've noticed that simple affirmations before and during those talks seem to have a more lasting impact than focusing on talking to him ever has. He'll bring up things on his own once he's feeling safe and reassured, and he's becoming more comfortable with being a monkey than before we started.
He...can't touch anyone else for now, but I think if everyone he's strongly connected to can find simple ways to affirm bonds and provide that comfort, his progress will stick more outside of the castle.
[ Macaque considers this, because it's Wukong saying it and because for once they're not bringing these things up in an argument. ]
I can see the point you're making, though I do call him my North Star all the time. I'm not sure how much more affirming I can get. I'll think on it.
The thing is though, MK and I have some things to work through and I don't know how much affirmations will counter them. He's angry at me for a lot of rightful and understandable reasons thanks to my actions in the past, and I'm angry at him for hurting Choco so profoundly and then not listening when I said not to go see Cole while he still had the seal on since I knew it would break him. I can... be as soothing as possible while we get into that stuff, but we have to go through it otherwise he'll never feel secure with me, nor I with him.
That's why I'm stressing simple ones. The hardest part is the lack of physical contact since he needs it and can't have it.
I'm not saying not to work through it since he knows one of the things he needs from you, but to work on affirming his place with you before and during the talks.
He enjoys simple monkey stuff. So for now, I guess just sounds, quiet togetherness, and maybe time in one of your...other nests without touching.
MK is an adult mortal, but even without knowing what he is he's always been almost childlike. Now he's dealing with new feelings and monkeys instincts. He needs the extra affirmation to feel secure. Like some of the younger monkeys when they tried to befriend you.
Right. I'll think on it, but there are other ways to express intimacy that don't involve touch. I've been teaching him shadow magic, that's tangible in a different way, maybe he'll be able to handle a bit of it.
[ Macaque's thoughtfulness gives way to sheepishness. ] Wukong, I'm not good at the monkey thing like you are. Sure I know the chirps, but I didn't grow up with a community like you did. I express myself best with words. I can try all that, but I don't know how successful it'll be.
--What do you mean he knows one of the things he needs from me? [ Hopefully this is one of the things Macaque and MK talked about, if it isn't then that's a bad sign. If there's something MK needs from him, Macaque wants to know about it. ]
That's a good start. What matters is that you're trying. You're a performer, you know show-don't-tell even if you don't fully do the monkey stuff. And you showed me how much you cared a lot back then.
[Another sigh.]
I've been trying to let you two do that on your own. But...one of the talks that we had was about his feelings and his jealous instincts toward you where he lacks them with me. And he realized that he feels like he doesn't have a part of you that...maybe not that's just you and him, but that feels special. Has he brought up anything like that? Not words specifically but something else.
I showed you how much I cared because I'd never loved anyone like that in my life and if I didn't show it I thought I'd explode from how much I was feeling. I was clumsy about it, but I tried my best. I can do that with MK. Maybe the effort will mean something even if the results are mixed.
[ And then Macaque looks confused. ] He told me that his jealousy had to do with how I treat my kids well, whereas Pigsy was always saying things like he'd replace MK or whatever if he didn't toe the line. The only thing he's brought up about something that feels unique is that he didn't want me to call anyone else "kiddo", which I agreed to.
We're never going to be able to work through these things if he doesn't tell me what he's thinking. It's a little frustrating, considering how very much we've been talking about him and what he feels lately.
I never had doubts back then, so if you'd said you were clumsy I'd have laughed. I still don't think you were.
[Wukong thinks on it for a moment.]
Maybe the affirmation will make it easier on him. I know as well as anyone how much he struggles with talking through things and feeling like he can say everything. Working through that is going to take him some time so I'm hoping that this will help. And...I guess now that you know, maybe you can find that piece of yourself that is that special place for you both. [He knows what his was, even if it did turn out to be one-sided and misinformed. It had been enough.]
...It was clumsy. If not, I would have known that you loved me and been able to tell you that I loved you. I would have asked what I wanted to know instead of assuming. I would have felt secure enough to verify whether your promise of forever was for you and me, or for the Brotherhood as a whole. I would have asked if the mark meant something special rather than letting my pessimism tell me that someone like you would never have wanted something special with someone like me.
I made a lot of mistakes. I'm so glad you felt cared for, but I talked myself out of a lot because I was too stupid and stubborn and fearful to open my mouth.
[ He nods. ] I'll try. I know that the spar with Choco went off the rails when he saw that she was using glamours. He was upset that I'd taught her and I haven't taught him yet. That example was unreasonable of MK, too be honest, since if he'd asked I would have told him why I'm teaching them glamours and it has to do with their appearances not being normal on their respective worlds.
It's not unreasonable for him to want something special for just us, however. I just need to think on it. I guess I don't have that many special things...
My dream was for everyone, but you most of all. I can't see half of the brotherhood just chilling in the sun and eating fruit. Us definitely though.
If I'd known you had any doubts back then, my first instinct would have been to fly to the sun and carved into it that you were mine and I was yours sooner than I'd have talked to you to find out why.
[He runs his claws through Macaque's back fur, separating and smoothing it.]
You'll find the thing because you've got more than you think. And MK lives with all people who won't ask, so why would he think to when he's really no different from us? Red Son is just as guilty of it as we are. Can't speak for that Cole kid.
My point exactly. Of all the many, many, many things you're the best at, talking about feelings isn't one of them. So I should have opened my mouth. It's not on you to carve it into the sun. Sweet though that is. [ He kisses Wukong's neck, since that is what's closest. ]
What's our special thing, then? Other than history.
Of course not. I'm the Monkey King. I know monkeys, fighting, and magic. So showing is easy.
[He purrs, completely content.]
Back then it was knowing that we were only marked as each other's, sharing our nest, and the alone times on the beach together. Now? It's just these moments.
Yes, Your Majesty. [ His tone is playful and Wukong gets another kiss on the neck. ]
Just these moments? That's good, but we can do better. I found this restaurant that makes fruit sushi, it's incredible. The rice is made with coconut milk, even. Once MK is going better, let me take you there, and maybe we can go on a quest like we used to. We should have some fun together.
I'm not going to say no to either of those things. [Wukong nuzzles his ears and blows on just one.] Maybe it will be better, but I'm pretty sure this will be what we're doing most.
Good, then. Let me know when you're ready. [ In the meantime he'll just be doing secret things of no consequence at all. ]
I certainly hope that we'll be doing a fair bit of things that involve less clothing too, when the mood is better. [ This is part of Macaque asking for what he wants too, the being forward. Of course he expects Wukong to put him in his place when the time comes, that's the point. His favorite place to be put. ]
I'm starting to question if the constant sex with everyone is something to do with Ellipsa. Because somehow I'm feeling like I'm the only one out of the loop.
[This is probably telling that Wukong STILL isn't remotely as active as the rest of them, even when his and MK's scents do happen to be all over each other. That's just a side effect of constant physical affection.]
Not especially to do with Ellipsa. It's just fun. [ Perfectly matter of fact. ]
I can bring you into the loop anytime you want. Keeping my hands off you is a challenge, but that's not hormones so much as a want to make up for lost time.
IIIII just don't really have the drive that often anymore.
[Not a lie, but more than a little awkward to admit since he used to be able to fool around with anyone he was even remotely forming a connection with.]
Really? That's a damn shame. I still think about the way you used to be when you got home from your trips. It's enough to make me melt, even after so long.
Sometimes it's just a matter of shaking out the cobwebs and putting one foot in front of the other to kickstart things.
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Re: Voice - Two Days Post-Red Son Talk
...but right now is about you.
Re: Voice - Two Days Post-Red Son Talk
[ Don't mind him burrowing into Wukong. ] Not being able to help him, or Cole, or even Choco in the way I want to, it's part of why I haven't been doing well.
Re: Voice - Two Days Post-Red Son Talk
The thing is, I think you can help MK more. But I was trying to take care of you before I asked you for help.
Re: Voice - Two Days Post-Red Son Talk
You think I can help him? I've been trying to and he really fights me on it sometimes. Or rather than dark side of his mind does.
--And you are taking care of me. Your presence is soothing.
Re: Voice - Two Days Post-Red Son Talk
So yeah, you know that I've been working on grounding MK. On him accepting everything that is him. And I've been working with him before you got here. I know he talks to you and Red Son more about the things going on with him than he does to me. He'll tell me the personal stuff so I can help him, but nothing else...
But...I've noticed that simple affirmations before and during those talks seem to have a more lasting impact than focusing on talking to him ever has. He'll bring up things on his own once he's feeling safe and reassured, and he's becoming more comfortable with being a monkey than before we started.
He...can't touch anyone else for now, but I think if everyone he's strongly connected to can find simple ways to affirm bonds and provide that comfort, his progress will stick more outside of the castle.
Re: Voice - Two Days Post-Red Son Talk
I can see the point you're making, though I do call him my North Star all the time. I'm not sure how much more affirming I can get. I'll think on it.
The thing is though, MK and I have some things to work through and I don't know how much affirmations will counter them. He's angry at me for a lot of rightful and understandable reasons thanks to my actions in the past, and I'm angry at him for hurting Choco so profoundly and then not listening when I said not to go see Cole while he still had the seal on since I knew it would break him. I can... be as soothing as possible while we get into that stuff, but we have to go through it otherwise he'll never feel secure with me, nor I with him.
If you have any ideas...
Re: Voice - Two Days Post-Red Son Talk
I'm not saying not to work through it since he knows one of the things he needs from you, but to work on affirming his place with you before and during the talks.
He enjoys simple monkey stuff. So for now, I guess just sounds, quiet togetherness, and maybe time in one of your...other nests without touching.
MK is an adult mortal, but even without knowing what he is he's always been almost childlike. Now he's dealing with new feelings and monkeys instincts. He needs the extra affirmation to feel secure. Like some of the younger monkeys when they tried to befriend you.
Re: Voice - Two Days Post-Red Son Talk
[ Macaque's thoughtfulness gives way to sheepishness. ] Wukong, I'm not good at the monkey thing like you are. Sure I know the chirps, but I didn't grow up with a community like you did. I express myself best with words. I can try all that, but I don't know how successful it'll be.
--What do you mean he knows one of the things he needs from me? [ Hopefully this is one of the things Macaque and MK talked about, if it isn't then that's a bad sign. If there's something MK needs from him, Macaque wants to know about it. ]
Re: Voice - Two Days Post-Red Son Talk
[Another sigh.]
I've been trying to let you two do that on your own. But...one of the talks that we had was about his feelings and his jealous instincts toward you where he lacks them with me. And he realized that he feels like he doesn't have a part of you that...maybe not that's just you and him, but that feels special. Has he brought up anything like that? Not words specifically but something else.
Re: Voice - Two Days Post-Red Son Talk
[ And then Macaque looks confused. ] He told me that his jealousy had to do with how I treat my kids well, whereas Pigsy was always saying things like he'd replace MK or whatever if he didn't toe the line. The only thing he's brought up about something that feels unique is that he didn't want me to call anyone else "kiddo", which I agreed to.
We're never going to be able to work through these things if he doesn't tell me what he's thinking. It's a little frustrating, considering how very much we've been talking about him and what he feels lately.
Re: Voice - Two Days Post-Red Son Talk
[Wukong thinks on it for a moment.]
Maybe the affirmation will make it easier on him. I know as well as anyone how much he struggles with talking through things and feeling like he can say everything. Working through that is going to take him some time so I'm hoping that this will help. And...I guess now that you know, maybe you can find that piece of yourself that is that special place for you both. [He knows what his was, even if it did turn out to be one-sided and misinformed. It had been enough.]
Re: Voice - Two Days Post-Red Son Talk
I made a lot of mistakes. I'm so glad you felt cared for, but I talked myself out of a lot because I was too stupid and stubborn and fearful to open my mouth.
[ He nods. ] I'll try. I know that the spar with Choco went off the rails when he saw that she was using glamours. He was upset that I'd taught her and I haven't taught him yet. That example was unreasonable of MK, too be honest, since if he'd asked I would have told him why I'm teaching them glamours and it has to do with their appearances not being normal on their respective worlds.
It's not unreasonable for him to want something special for just us, however. I just need to think on it. I guess I don't have that many special things...
Re: Voice - Two Days Post-Red Son Talk
If I'd known you had any doubts back then, my first instinct would have been to fly to the sun and carved into it that you were mine and I was yours sooner than I'd have talked to you to find out why.
[He runs his claws through Macaque's back fur, separating and smoothing it.]
You'll find the thing because you've got more than you think. And MK lives with all people who won't ask, so why would he think to when he's really no different from us? Red Son is just as guilty of it as we are. Can't speak for that Cole kid.
Re: Voice - Two Days Post-Red Son Talk
What's our special thing, then? Other than history.
Re: Voice - Two Days Post-Red Son Talk
[He purrs, completely content.]
Back then it was knowing that we were only marked as each other's, sharing our nest, and the alone times on the beach together. Now? It's just these moments.
Re: Voice - Two Days Post-Red Son Talk
Just these moments? That's good, but we can do better. I found this restaurant that makes fruit sushi, it's incredible. The rice is made with coconut milk, even. Once MK is going better, let me take you there, and maybe we can go on a quest like we used to. We should have some fun together.
Re: Voice - Two Days Post-Red Son Talk
Re: Voice - Two Days Post-Red Son Talk
I certainly hope that we'll be doing a fair bit of things that involve less clothing too, when the mood is better. [ This is part of Macaque asking for what he wants too, the being forward. Of course he expects Wukong to put him in his place when the time comes, that's the point. His favorite place to be put. ]
Re: Voice - Two Days Post-Red Son Talk
[This is probably telling that Wukong STILL isn't remotely as active as the rest of them, even when his and MK's scents do happen to be all over each other. That's just a side effect of constant physical affection.]
Not that I'm against the idea.
Re: Voice - Two Days Post-Red Son Talk
I can bring you into the loop anytime you want. Keeping my hands off you is a challenge, but that's not hormones so much as a want to make up for lost time.
Re: Voice - Two Days Post-Red Son Talk
[Nope, that isn't a blush. You see nothing, Macaque.] Well, you'll be the first to know when I'm feeling the pull, how's that?
Re: Voice - Two Days Post-Red Son Talk
You don't feel pulled? Hm, I'd better up my game. I could whisper in your ear what's been going through my head...
Re: Voice - Two Days Post-Red Son Talk
[Not a lie, but more than a little awkward to admit since he used to be able to fool around with anyone he was even remotely forming a connection with.]
Re: Voice - Two Days Post-Red Son Talk
Sometimes it's just a matter of shaking out the cobwebs and putting one foot in front of the other to kickstart things.
Re: Voice - Two Days Post-Red Son Talk
[Now he's just teasing.]
I'm not saying it can't happen though, so we'll definitely see. Though your reaction to the first time here was worth the wait.
Re: Voice - Two Days Post-Red Son Talk
Re: Voice - Two Days Post-Red Son Talk
Re: Voice - Two Days Post-Red Son Talk