Made him to be the sacrifice, huh? This does not improve Macaque's impression of deities in the slightest.
"And you said nothing to anyone else, because you knew they'd try to stop you." Macaque sighs. "Kiddo, do you really think if you sacrificed yourself, everyone could just go on like it didn't happen?"
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MK swallowed. He didn't talk about it because he knew they would try to stop him. He nodded. He knew that part.
"I...I thought I was doing the right thing. That saving you all, saving the world, was worth it. I wanted to leave the world a little bit better than I found it. I know I screwed up. I didn't think there was another choice. There wasn't a choice to me."
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MK goes quiet. He knows it isn't going to lie. He can't do that to Macaque. The pause is MK considering, should he pull away first? Would Macaque want to even hold him after he admits what he did?
He promises Macaque he could pull away or push him away if he needed. MK doesn't pull back and starts talking.
"We fought. Wukong and I. I lost. He chained me down. And he said he was going to go into the pillar instead. I...I felt like it had to be me. I had to stop him...so I used the circlet. I stole the spell from Li Jing. So only I can activate it now. That's the last thing Wukong remembers. Me using the circlet and walking into the pillar."
MK holds onto Macaque but if he pulls away or pushes MK away, he won't resist.
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Macaque's arms stay around MK, partially because it feels impossible to move them. Macaque remembers how he'd felt seeing that thing on Wukong's head, reading about what that monk did to torture him with it. And MK had done that.
But he felt he was saving Wukong. Saving everyone.
Is that a good enough justification?
...It is. Of course it is. Because it's MK, and because Macaque has learned by now that it's not worth throwing away the people he loves over disagreements that expand into huge blowout fights. (He might have, before his heart game. He might have refused to forgive MK, like he never will forgive Tang Sanzang. Now, he can't bear to think of it.)
Macaque gives MK a squeeze. It's weak from his numb shock, but it's there. "Oh, kiddo." He knows that whatever he's feeling, MK's guilt has to be so much heavier. "I know it's not my place to forgive or not, but if it helps... I do. I forgive you. And I know he does too."
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MK waited and did his best to just be here now, in this moment. The words and the weak squeeze came and so did MK's tears. He felt awful for what he did. Wukong forgave him so easily because he came back. Macaque was forgiving him too, even though he hurt Monkey King like that. It was a surprise but one he wouldn't doubt. He knew what this felt like on the other side. He might not be ready to forgive himself yet, but they did. He would accept that. He'd asked Red Son to do the same.
He would have to live with it.
"I never want to use it again. I won't l-let anyone do it. Only I can and I won't...no one here. I won't let them. It was off w-when I came out of the pillar. It was gone. It went away. I promise I won't ever use it again. I won't." As long as he was in his right mind, he would never do that to Wukong ever again.
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Part of Macaque forgiving MK here and now is because he saw Red Son use the circlet on Wukong before too, although it was really a fake Wukong, and his feelings hadn't been working at the time. After all he's seen and been through, he can understand that very few things are black and white.
But MK will have to live with it, that much is true.
Macaque hugs MK again, tighter this time. "I know you wouldn't use it willingly again. But... sometimes the effects from quests or whatever might make you not in your right mind. Red has a way to remove it, and if Wukong will allow it, maybe we could try that? I know they're not seeing eye to eye right now, but Red was willing to help when I told him that Wukong came back wearing the thing, and Wukong might agree if it's a matter of your peace of mind."
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MK still had no idea about the fake Wukong and he circlet. No clue what all happened in that Heart Game. Probably for the best he never knows. He clung tighter and snuggled as close as he could. To the comfort and kindness of that forgiveness. MK looked up and wiped his tears on his own sleeve.
"I can try to talk to him. A-About letting Red Son help. I...I'll try. I can't make him. We both know no one can make Monkey King do anything he doesn't want to."
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Macaque reaches up and helps wipe MK's tears away.
"No, he's all sorts of stubborn when he wants to be. But if you ask, and I ask, then maybe he'll let Red help. I'm sure it's not easy for you to see that reminder all the time, and I know it's not easy for me."
He hugs MK closer again. "Do we need to talk about you doing dangerous things that you'd never let the people you love do in a thousand years?" Or do you get it already.
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The noodle boy leaned into the wiping of his ears and shook his head. "I...I know better. I came back and I said I was sorry. I knew I screwed up. I know I screwed up. I...I'm sorry." He pressed his face into Macaque's chest.
He got the message. He got it already.
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Macaque catches MK and squeezes him tight. "Okay. I won't belabor the point."
"I love you, kiddo. I'm so glad I didn't lose you, and I'm glad no one else did either. And I'm sorry you were deceived into nearly sacrificing yourself, and I'm even more sorry that you were made for that purpose. It's cruel."
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"I love you too. So much. ...I'm glad I came back. To you. To everyone..." MK took a deep breath. Now for the other big thing.
"It...wasn't the first time," MK said softly. "I...did it every cycle. And there's been a lot of cycles. And...to not do it...I broke it. I broke the cycle. We all did. We destroyed the colored stones and the power went everywhere. Into a lot of people. Maybe everyone. But now, everyone is part of the pillar."
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Okay, one thing at a time. Aside from the fact that deities suck.
"MK, I don't care what some goddess says or thinks, you are not some throwaway part of a cycle. You are not disposable. You're a person, you're my favorite person. A lot of people's favorite person, I can say confidently."
"Whatever broke when you refused to go along with Nuwa's plans, we'll fix it. We'll figure it out together."
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MK pressed close and held on tight. He wasn't sure what could or couldn't be fixed. But whatever happened next, they would face it together. He shifts so easily now as he purrs for real, his tail wrapping around Macaque's.
"Thank you. Together. We'll face it all together."
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He kisses the top of MK's head and just holds him, his tail easily wrapping around MK's. So glad that MK isn't going to make him argue about the value of MK's life, since that would have been frustrating. Especially if the Lady Bone Demon factored in somehow.
"There's nothing we can't handle if we handle it together. And it sounds like Wukong and I are even getting along better back home." Or at least Wukong's reaction would indicate that. It's something to hope for.
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"I mean, it can still get tense around you two. But overall, I think so," MK wasn't sure what changed. Something did at some point. They could all be together for fireworks in the end.
"I know I worried you. Probably a lot. About everything. ...As weird as it might sound, learning what I did, it helped with the touch thing. At least I know where I come from and why. At least I don't have to be scared about that anymore. ...The Nine Headed Demon, I'm a little worried about him and what happens next but as long as we're all together, we'll do our best."
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"It took us nine months being here and a few big mishaps before we were able to really get to a fully better place, and we're around each other all the time here, so I'm not surprised." He'll take tension as long as it's moving in a good direction. He knows that he can be stubborn as hell too.
Nine Headed Demon, hm? Note to self, do some reading.
"Sounds good, kiddo. Is there anything else I need to know?" Surely not about mysterious powers he possesses or anything.
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MK notes less trills, more murrs. He parts his lips and returns the deep kiss. His hands run down over Macaque's shoulders and grip harder. He wants to give into this feeling but they have more to talk about. He thinks they can enjoy this for another few seconds, right? Just let this happen a little longer. That'll be okay.
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It's so nice to be able to kiss MK. Candid had helped Macaque a little, but there's no substitute for MK himself. Macaque keeps kissing MK for a long moment, then a longer moment. He missed this.
At length, however, he does gently pull back and break the kiss, keeping their foreheads resting together, nuzzling noses as they tended to do before the cursed game.
"There's a few other things before we get carried away, I think. Do you want me to start or you?"
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"And you said nothing to anyone else, because you knew they'd try to stop you." Macaque sighs. "Kiddo, do you really think if you sacrificed yourself, everyone could just go on like it didn't happen?"
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"I...I thought I was doing the right thing. That saving you all, saving the world, was worth it. I wanted to leave the world a little bit better than I found it. I know I screwed up. I didn't think there was another choice. There wasn't a choice to me."
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"If you thought it was the right thing, why couldn't you tell people and convince them? At least let people say goodbye."
"You should have seen Wukong when he got back. He was so broken. I can't imagine anyone else was better off until you returned alive."
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"Because I knew I couldn't. I couldn't convince anyone. I knew I couldn't..." He nodded. He remembered hearing Wukong when he went into the pillar.
"I-I know. He tried to stop me. He tried to save me even though I was trying to save him..."
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"How did you get past him?" Did MK go monkey mode and hurt Wukong?
He keeps hanging onto MK even as his stomach is full of knots.
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He promises Macaque he could pull away or push him away if he needed. MK doesn't pull back and starts talking.
"We fought. Wukong and I. I lost. He chained me down. And he said he was going to go into the pillar instead. I...I felt like it had to be me. I had to stop him...so I used the circlet. I stole the spell from Li Jing. So only I can activate it now. That's the last thing Wukong remembers. Me using the circlet and walking into the pillar."
MK holds onto Macaque but if he pulls away or pushes MK away, he won't resist.
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Macaque's arms stay around MK, partially because it feels impossible to move them. Macaque remembers how he'd felt seeing that thing on Wukong's head, reading about what that monk did to torture him with it. And MK had done that.
But he felt he was saving Wukong. Saving everyone.
Is that a good enough justification?
...It is. Of course it is. Because it's MK, and because Macaque has learned by now that it's not worth throwing away the people he loves over disagreements that expand into huge blowout fights. (He might have, before his heart game. He might have refused to forgive MK, like he never will forgive Tang Sanzang. Now, he can't bear to think of it.)
Macaque gives MK a squeeze. It's weak from his numb shock, but it's there. "Oh, kiddo." He knows that whatever he's feeling, MK's guilt has to be so much heavier. "I know it's not my place to forgive or not, but if it helps... I do. I forgive you. And I know he does too."
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He would have to live with it.
"I never want to use it again. I won't l-let anyone do it. Only I can and I won't...no one here. I won't let them. It was off w-when I came out of the pillar. It was gone. It went away. I promise I won't ever use it again. I won't." As long as he was in his right mind, he would never do that to Wukong ever again.
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But MK will have to live with it, that much is true.
Macaque hugs MK again, tighter this time. "I know you wouldn't use it willingly again. But... sometimes the effects from quests or whatever might make you not in your right mind. Red has a way to remove it, and if Wukong will allow it, maybe we could try that? I know they're not seeing eye to eye right now, but Red was willing to help when I told him that Wukong came back wearing the thing, and Wukong might agree if it's a matter of your peace of mind."
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"I can try to talk to him. A-About letting Red Son help. I...I'll try. I can't make him. We both know no one can make Monkey King do anything he doesn't want to."
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"No, he's all sorts of stubborn when he wants to be. But if you ask, and I ask, then maybe he'll let Red help. I'm sure it's not easy for you to see that reminder all the time, and I know it's not easy for me."
He hugs MK closer again. "Do we need to talk about you doing dangerous things that you'd never let the people you love do in a thousand years?" Or do you get it already.
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He got the message. He got it already.
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"I love you, kiddo. I'm so glad I didn't lose you, and I'm glad no one else did either. And I'm sorry you were deceived into nearly sacrificing yourself, and I'm even more sorry that you were made for that purpose. It's cruel."
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"I love you too. So much. ...I'm glad I came back. To you. To everyone..." MK took a deep breath. Now for the other big thing.
"It...wasn't the first time," MK said softly. "I...did it every cycle. And there's been a lot of cycles. And...to not do it...I broke it. I broke the cycle. We all did. We destroyed the colored stones and the power went everywhere. Into a lot of people. Maybe everyone. But now, everyone is part of the pillar."
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Okay, one thing at a time. Aside from the fact that deities suck.
"MK, I don't care what some goddess says or thinks, you are not some throwaway part of a cycle. You are not disposable. You're a person, you're my favorite person. A lot of people's favorite person, I can say confidently."
"Whatever broke when you refused to go along with Nuwa's plans, we'll fix it. We'll figure it out together."
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"Thank you. Together. We'll face it all together."
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"There's nothing we can't handle if we handle it together. And it sounds like Wukong and I are even getting along better back home." Or at least Wukong's reaction would indicate that. It's something to hope for.
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"I know I worried you. Probably a lot. About everything. ...As weird as it might sound, learning what I did, it helped with the touch thing. At least I know where I come from and why. At least I don't have to be scared about that anymore. ...The Nine Headed Demon, I'm a little worried about him and what happens next but as long as we're all together, we'll do our best."
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Nine Headed Demon, hm? Note to self, do some reading.
"Sounds good, kiddo. Is there anything else I need to know?" Surely not about mysterious powers he possesses or anything.
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"Well there is one more thing," MK said as he cupped both of Macaque's cheeks. "I love you, my Warrior."
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He smiles down at MK, then kisses him. "Love you too, kiddo. And I'm glad you're back."
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"I'm glad I'm back too," MK whispered and kissed Macaque again.
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That doesn't stop him from kissing MK more deeply. It's been such a long time.
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At length, however, he does gently pull back and break the kiss, keeping their foreheads resting together, nuzzling noses as they tended to do before the cursed game.
"There's a few other things before we get carried away, I think. Do you want me to start or you?"
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