[It's not completely his fault that he's developed enough tact to know you generally don't clear the air with your mate over the phone. But he smiles when Macaque portals in and pats the pillows next to him.]
Wukong, that was so long ago. We've both changed a lot since then. How I saw you then isn't how I see you now.
But since this has been bothering you... no, I didn't always see you that way. At first, when you talked about our future, I believed every word. It's what made me so devoted to you for so long. I genuinely believed that you were doing what you were doing for us.
I stopped believing that gradually, not all of a sudden. I'm not even sure it was anything you did so differently. I just wasn't asking you or what I wanted or needed and I started resenting you for not giving them to me despite that you didn't have any idea what they even were. I hated being in a Brotherhood with others who didn't value me and I resented you for being gone and leaving me with them, and I convinced myself that you were only gathering power for yourself.
So yeah, that day under the mountain, I meant it. That doesn't mean that I was right.
[Wukong watches Macaque as he speaks and for a long moment after that, and then he chuckles softly.]
You just turned an entire conversation into one answer, Bud.
[He hugs him a little tighter, nuzzling into his shoulder.]
But that does bring me to the other thing. That I definitely wasn't right to lash out at you. Neither time was your fault, or something to throw in your face because I was hurt and angry. You didn't deserve it.
I've thought about it a lot. You can't imagine how much. [ Not always in a very nice way but he always knew the truth, deep down. ]
[ He grooms through Wukong's hair. ] It wasn't all on you. You had just been horrifically punished for something that we all did. [ Whether or not Macaque's suspicions are true about Wukong making a deal to spare the rest of them is sort of irrelevant in the big picture. ] I should have been more understanding. And I should have come back for you.
And I should have made it clear to you that I didn't always think that about you since we've been here. My head was up my ass.
[Wukong starts to purr, his tail waving slowly as he just relaxes.]
It wasn't just that I was lashing out for. That's why I needed to apologize. I was also including being dragged into the underworld by the Yama Kings. And you didn't know about that at all.
[He reaches down to start grooming Macaque's tail.]
And I really just needed to know. So thanks, Macaque.
[ Hooboy. Okay. He offered, now he has to follow through. ]
Red Son asked for me to give him a courting gift. Or rather, he wanted me to make a claim on him formally. My first thought was for you, what you'd think of that. So...
[ He reaches through a portal and then hands Wukong a little, white box. Inside is a pendant of woven shadows, the light bent so that the piece shines gold and red, in the shape of an intricate crescent moon cradling the brilliant sun. It's attached to another piece of woven shadow, this one in Macaque's inky purple, which serves as a strap. Being made of shadows it's adjustable without much effort and can be used for attaching it to whatever one likes. ]
I wanted to offer a claiming token to you first, so that you never doubt your place in my life or whether someone else is my priority. A piece of my magic for you to keep. And wear, if... you want to. I know that you have MK now and he comes first, I wouldn't ask you to change that. And even if you don't want to wear this, you'll know that I offered it to you first, and that's meaningful to me.
It's always been you first for me. It always will be.
And I still want you to mark me again, if that's something you want too.
[Wukong stares at the pendant, taking in every little detail. It's never not impressive, what he can manage with his shadows, or what he thinks to do with them. And this is just a prime example.
Before he gives a response, he loops it around his tail several times before adjusting the fit snugly. That way it's always visible since his tail always is, and also basically the safest place it can be.]
I love it. I would have accepted you courting him first, or MK...or whoever. But, I'm glad you chose me first.
As for MK, it's not that he comes first. He just...isn't only my mate, he's my responsibility. There are things he needs from me that you don't. That maybe one he won't. [He takes Macaque's face in his hands.] Besides, you're the person who gave me a specific person to care for first. Nothing will change or lessen that. I love you just as much. And I always will.
And I would mark you as mine a million times. So of course I still want to.
[ Macaque isn't sure what to make of the staring, but his nerves sure know exactly what to make of it because they kick up annoyingly. Then Wukong puts the thing on and Macaque lets out a breath that he hadn't been aware he was holding and finally cracks a smile. ]
It could never be anyone else first, Wukong. [ He can't and won't claim a favorite among his mates, it would feel wrong, but he never doubted that Wukong would have a chance to accept or reject his courting first. ]
[ Macaque doesn't say anything even as he slips his scarf off and starts unfastening his shirt until he can expose the place on his shoulder where Wukong had marked before. ] Good. I want you to. I want you to redo it anytime you feel shaky about where we are. As often as you need to.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Re: Voice
Right on the dot, Macaque.
Re: Voice
[ He can take several guesses what this is about. (Whether they're correct, who knows.) ]
Re: Voice
Don't worry. I doubt this is going to change much, if anything. I just...needed to ask. Did you always believe that I was doing it for myself?
[No point in drawing this out when it probably would just be more stressful that way.]
Re: Voice
[ --That is not even slightly what he expected to hear. ]
That's what's been bothering you? [ Not the Candid Heart Game Situation or MK Stuff In General? ]
Re: Voice
[Candid's another clone gone rogue, he doesn't blame him for that. And they already talked about what to do about MK. It's up to them now.]
I've been thinking more lately, and I keep coming back to that.
Re: Voice
Wukong, that was so long ago. We've both changed a lot since then. How I saw you then isn't how I see you now.
But since this has been bothering you... no, I didn't always see you that way. At first, when you talked about our future, I believed every word. It's what made me so devoted to you for so long. I genuinely believed that you were doing what you were doing for us.
I stopped believing that gradually, not all of a sudden. I'm not even sure it was anything you did so differently. I just wasn't asking you or what I wanted or needed and I started resenting you for not giving them to me despite that you didn't have any idea what they even were. I hated being in a Brotherhood with others who didn't value me and I resented you for being gone and leaving me with them, and I convinced myself that you were only gathering power for yourself.
So yeah, that day under the mountain, I meant it. That doesn't mean that I was right.
Re: Voice
You just turned an entire conversation into one answer, Bud.
[He hugs him a little tighter, nuzzling into his shoulder.]
But that does bring me to the other thing. That I definitely wasn't right to lash out at you. Neither time was your fault, or something to throw in your face because I was hurt and angry. You didn't deserve it.
Re: Voice
[ He grooms through Wukong's hair. ] It wasn't all on you. You had just been horrifically punished for something that we all did. [ Whether or not Macaque's suspicions are true about Wukong making a deal to spare the rest of them is sort of irrelevant in the big picture. ] I should have been more understanding. And I should have come back for you.
And I should have made it clear to you that I didn't always think that about you since we've been here. My head was up my ass.
Re: Voice
It wasn't just that I was lashing out for. That's why I needed to apologize. I was also including being dragged into the underworld by the Yama Kings. And you didn't know about that at all.
[He reaches down to start grooming Macaque's tail.]
And I really just needed to know. So thanks, Macaque.
Re: Voice
...I told you at the beginning of the heart game that I had something for you. Do you want it now?
[ It's the best way Macaque can think of to show where he's at now. ]
Re: Voice
[At the question, he does perk up curiously. He does love getting personal gifts.]
I'm not going to say no, because I'd be lying.
Re: Voice
Red Son asked for me to give him a courting gift. Or rather, he wanted me to make a claim on him formally. My first thought was for you, what you'd think of that. So...
[ He reaches through a portal and then hands Wukong a little, white box. Inside is a pendant of woven shadows, the light bent so that the piece shines gold and red, in the shape of an intricate crescent moon cradling the brilliant sun. It's attached to another piece of woven shadow, this one in Macaque's inky purple, which serves as a strap. Being made of shadows it's adjustable without much effort and can be used for attaching it to whatever one likes. ]
I wanted to offer a claiming token to you first, so that you never doubt your place in my life or whether someone else is my priority. A piece of my magic for you to keep. And wear, if... you want to. I know that you have MK now and he comes first, I wouldn't ask you to change that. And even if you don't want to wear this, you'll know that I offered it to you first, and that's meaningful to me.
It's always been you first for me. It always will be.
And I still want you to mark me again, if that's something you want too.
Re: Voice
Before he gives a response, he loops it around his tail several times before adjusting the fit snugly. That way it's always visible since his tail always is, and also basically the safest place it can be.]
I love it. I would have accepted you courting him first, or MK...or whoever. But, I'm glad you chose me first.
As for MK, it's not that he comes first. He just...isn't only my mate, he's my responsibility. There are things he needs from me that you don't. That maybe one he won't. [He takes Macaque's face in his hands.] Besides, you're the person who gave me a specific person to care for first. Nothing will change or lessen that. I love you just as much. And I always will.
And I would mark you as mine a million times. So of course I still want to.
Re: Voice
It could never be anyone else first, Wukong. [ He can't and won't claim a favorite among his mates, it would feel wrong, but he never doubted that Wukong would have a chance to accept or reject his courting first. ]
[ Macaque doesn't say anything even as he slips his scarf off and starts unfastening his shirt until he can expose the place on his shoulder where Wukong had marked before. ] Good. I want you to. I want you to redo it anytime you feel shaky about where we are. As often as you need to.