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[castaside]

(( For the spice ))

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Re: After the Heart Spelunking

[castaside]

"You've been listening to Wukong too much." How else would Lucifer get that picture of Macaque's past? The rosier side of it, anyway.

"I guess to start, I keep thinking what if I had lost all my memories back to my assassin days? I wouldn't have let her live for anything. Not after she displayed use of my magic."

Re: After the Heart Spelunking

[dadbeatdad]

"I like to think of it as listening to my best friend just the right amount," Lucifer rebuts. Also, he has pieced things together from the game and just from Macaque's own description of himself in the past, and his relationship with Wukong.

"Then things would have been a lot different. And it didn't happen that way. Which is good."

Re: After the Heart Spelunking

[castaside]

"That fool," Macaque says with the utmost affection, "should remember the entire context of our relationship, not just the honeymoon period."

"It is good, but I can't stop thinking about it. Choco hasn't had a good, solid parent figure in her life until me. Which is probably why she sobbed like that when my amnesiac self said that he wasn't her father. I couldn't bear to do that to her, or worse. She'd recover but I never would."

Re: After the Heart Spelunking

[dadbeatdad]

"He does," Lucifer says softly.

"Why are you thinking about it, love? Ask yourself that for just a moment. Is it because you fear one day it may happen or is there some other doubt driving those intrusive thoughts?"

Re: After the Heart Spelunking

[castaside]

"Good. Maybe he won't let me hurt him this time." True that they hurt each other; still.

"I'm thinking about it because she deserves the best, and after the Temple I started to really doubt whether I could give her that."

Re: After the Heart Spelunking

[dadbeatdad]

"I know he wants to make sure he doesn't hurt you too," Because yes you two silly monkeys hurt each other, it is not all on one of you AAAAAAH.

"What is the best? Flawless? Because if that's the case, either of us are the best, love."

Re: After the Heart Spelunking

[castaside]

Getting between Macaque and Wukong is indeed a very AAAAAAH place to be. Fortunately, Macaque drops it.

"I don't mean flawless. I just mean -- someone who won't hurt her on purpose. And past me definitely could and would."

Re: After the Heart Spelunking

[dadbeatdad]

"Past you would hurt anyone and everyone, wouldn't he?" Lucifer asks softly. An assassin often does not discriminate.

"MK, for instance as well? Or Wash? Donnie? Eve? To judge yourself now by whom you were is unfair, Macaque. Yes. You could be reverted due to some nonsense or evil gods, spirits, whatever magical hell. But if that day comes, the you now can prepare her for the you from then. Teach her how to defend yourself. To escape. To deter. If it concerns you so greatly, then arm her from your past."

Re: After the Heart Spelunking

[castaside]

Macaque nods. "For the right price. Or because they ticked me off. Or because it was Tuesday."

His past self kinda sucked.

"I've been training her and I know that she can imagine using it against me in a real fight. But she's not at a point where she could beat me if I was serious, and won't be for a while. I'm proud of her progress but realistically..."

"I don't want to hurt her even emotionally. Or any of the people here that I love."

Re: After the Heart Spelunking

[dadbeatdad]

"Do you mean your past self there or you now or both?" Lucifer asks softly. Because that's important to know. Is he scared of himself now or just the past or both?

Re: After the Heart Spelunking

[castaside]

"Both. I know what I'm capable of turning into without even that much provocation."

Re: After the Heart Spelunking

[dadbeatdad]

"Even now? After all the change?"

Re: After the Heart Spelunking

[castaside]

"When Wukong and I broke up, I went right back to being a shitlord. So yeah, even now."

Re: After the Heart Spelunking

[dadbeatdad]

"And this worries you that if something similar happens, you'll revert back to being a shitlord?"

Re: After the Heart Spelunking

[castaside]

"No. It worries me that if anything happens I'll turn to that sort of shit to cope. And I couldn't stand to do that to my kids. Wukong. MK. Red. Wash. You."

Re: After the Heart Spelunking

[dadbeatdad]

"Love, I say this with all my heart and understanding. I think that fear is irrational and full of shit," Lucifer cups both those monkey cheeks.

"If anything happens, something big and traumatic and awful, I do not see you reverting. Because I think you've tasted healthy and drank it so deeply, you can acknowledge now that being that way? Did it actually help? At all? Did it make you feel any bit better? At all?"

Re: After the Heart Spelunking

[castaside]

Macaque isn't shocked to hear Lucifer's perspective, but he isn't sure that he believes it.

"You think so?" He considers it for a moment. "I do like all the sharing and all that. More than I would have ever thought. And no, being like that didn't help anything."

Re: After the Heart Spelunking

[dadbeatdad]

"No, it didn't. You caused pain because you had no one to process it with. No one to help you heal, to hold you, to tell you that they love you. Now? You have so many. So no. I know you wouldn't simply revert outside of some wacky weird magical thing here or such nonsense. Curse games and dreams and shit that don't count because it wasn't in your control."

Lucifer stares into those eyes.

"You are a good father. A good mate. And a good man. And I want to hear you say it."

Re: After the Heart Spelunking

[castaside]

Lucifer makes a few good points. "And what if I was taken away from all of you? What then?" Because it can definitely happen.

He thinks, then shakes his head. "Red tries to get me to say things like that all the time. I'll tell you the same thing that I tell him: I'm not ready to say it."

Re: After the Heart Spelunking

[dadbeatdad]

"If that happens, I hope it doesn't but if it does, you know all of us would hope you remember we love you still. And that we believe in you. To be the good man we all see. Even if you don't see it. Don't feel it. And aren't ready to say it yourself," Lucifer says softly. He won't press the issue because that would be cruel. He isn't ready.

"But I will ask you to imagine us saying it to you then in moments like this? Especially if we aren't around. Because we all believe in you. I know I do. So much so, I would bet my existence I'm right. I would bet on the Speaker herself to smite me down if I am wrong."

Re: After the Heart Spelunking

[castaside]

Macaque nods. He can imagine them saying it. (They do it often enough.)

Rather than reply in words, he scoots forward and gives Lucifer a soft kiss. "I love you, too."

Re: After the Heart Spelunking

[dadbeatdad]

Lucifer kisses him back and smiles.

"With every part of me, love."

Re: After the Heart Spelunking

[castaside]

Macaque is smiling when he pulls away so say:

"By the way, we should probably talk about the marriage thing you brought up inside Choco's heart."

Re: After the Heart Spelunking

[dadbeatdad]

Lucifer is smiling but then he blushes and looks a little called out.

"I suppose we should. Yes. I did plan to talk to you about it at some point but it just spilled out and I didn't want to lie sooooo..."

Cute quiet. A duck quacks somewhere in the background.

"Would you be of the mind to possible marry me? Some day?"

Re: After the Heart Spelunking

[castaside]

"I figured. And thank you for not lying." He appreciates not fucking up his daughter's heart.

His smile turns softer. "You mentioned that you haven't been feeling as bad lately, something like that. And it made me so happy to hear. I want to hear more about that before I answer your question."