[ Okay that's. A lot. Macaque places his teacup down and tries to grapple the implications of what he's hearing. The buzzing that's been a dull drone inside his head since Wukong got this way crescendos and he draws a breath to fight it back. ]
...He asked for time. That's why I didn't do it yet. [ He's not certain why he's starting there. Maybe so Cole doesn't think he just gave his word and then ignored that. ] But I will, as soon as he's back to normal.
It's okay. You didn't know. And you certainly aren't the one that made me hide from that discussion.
I know...and I wanted to tell you when you told me about the lich situation...but I was afraid. Afraid that if I did it would make things worse for the two of you, not that you'd do anything to me.
[He feels tears forming, but refuses to let them out. This isn't about his feelings. It's about being honest with his friend.]
But now I feel like I should have at least warned you. But I keep trying to protect my friends...even though you deserved to know. And I wish I could do more for you than just apologize, Macaque. Because you and MK both have to deal with this. So do Saya and Red Son...but you two are the closest to him.
[Cole only twitches slightly at the movement, finally looking up.]
I hope so.
And that's kind of you to say. But I'm going to try to avoid making that mistake a third time.
And...fair warning. Don't give your word on anything if you know I'm in the room. Not unless you're sure you can keep it. Because, uh...well I don't have to hold you to your word. Sometimes it just happens because of what I am.
It's not kind, it's just true. Even in the least generous of interpretations, it's not you that did this, it was me. I had good intentions when I made that promise, but a lot changed and I found every reason to stall even without him asking me to.
[ A nod. ] I won't, then. Thank you for telling me.
It is kind, because you didn't have to say it. True or not.
Also, if I ever try to coax specific wording out of you without being up front. Something is wrong. Because I'll never willingly offer you another pledge that's not going to benefit you and with have terms clear. I'll give you my word on that.
[ He offers Cole a small smile. A tense smile because the situation is what it is, but Macaque and Wukong's checkered past is hardly Cole's fault or doing. ]
Did you tell MK yet, or do you want me to? I know he might be upset with me either way, and that'd be fair enough, so it's whatever is easier for you.
[Cole sips his tea, catching the tea out the corner of his eye.]
I told him. I also told him that the lich things and Wukong asking for time were part of why you hadn't talked to him. But I told him I wanted to find the words to tell you myself.
[ Macaque tries to predict how pissed MK might be, but he's fried and so gives up fairly quickly. It'll be what it is. ] Thanks for making me seem slightly less awful than the reality.
[Cole snorts quietly, swiping at his eyes with his sleeve as he composes himself.]
You really should give yourself more credit. I've been paying attention to you from the day we met. You've outwardly changed a lot to reflect what you've been telling me.
[Making a choice meant to help someone but causing trouble brings up unpleasant memories.]
It still counts. The reason doesn't matter. You've realized what you want to do and you're taking the steps to work for it. It's not happening overnight for a lot of reasons...but you're trying.
You think far too highly of me. I suppose that outlook is one reason you and MK get along so well. [ Since he has similar ideas about how decent Macaque is. ]
The trying doesn't mean all that much unless I actually do it.
He didn't. It wasn't something he felt the need to I guess. But I'm not thinking about what you did before so much as the change you've shown me.
I'm not saying it doesn't matter, but I'm in no position to judge you for what you did before. I've done terrible things too, even if it wasn't willingly.
Oh trust me, I'm not planning to. But I'm also not going to condemn you for something that I wasn't there for that you feel remorse for.
[Cole's sitting firm on that.]
All I'm asking is that you don't be so hard on yourself with everything that just happened making things harder. If you can ease the blame on me, you deserve the same. That's my thought on the matter.
You didn't say. Talk is cheap to my kind. That's part of why we have the power we do. The feelings you've expressed through those words, and the glamour you've fed me told me.
The current situation is all over the place, so I think it's fair to say I've felt a lot of things about it.
...You're a good kid. That's all I'm saying. And good people... [ he shrugs ] You might be seeing things in me that aren't there anymore. Every time you do it feels like I'm messing with you.
A good kid...I haven't felt like one in a long time.
I was remade to be a snoop, but now I belong to such an abomination that even an eldritch god calls her that. I'm a good kid who sold out to save my own skin and violated my friend's trust because I didn't know what would happen if I didn't. I've been marked for death by a mage who wanted to use my spirit for who knows what until I was no longer me. I've also seen a person whose creed and powers are Hero, that sold his brother to a fairy in exchange for a new brother just so he could be the big brother instead...because the older brother is the main character. I've seen a whole two reduced to faceless zombies.
So if it helps, take my view of you with a grain of salt. Because between all of that and literally being a portal and a puppet...I really don't feel like you're messing with me, Macaque. I'm also not saying you're a saint...but one of the most trustworthy people I met was an assassin.
[ Macaque hates all of that, as he often does when Cole talks about his past. ]
You've had a terrible time of it, no argument. Doesn't mean that's what you deserved. A lot of your situation it doesn't sound like you had any control over, or not much.
I'm different. I had plenty of choices and plenty of power and I still messed everything up.
I had choices. But that wasn't the point so much as I trust the feelings I get from people. The feelings from the best and the worst. You may not be the best, but my gut tells me that you're not messing with me.
And I still don't think that this last two weeks makes you terrible. That's all. We're our worst critics after all.
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...He asked for time. That's why I didn't do it yet. [ He's not certain why he's starting there. Maybe so Cole doesn't think he just gave his word and then ignored that. ] But I will, as soon as he's back to normal.
It's okay. You didn't know. And you certainly aren't the one that made me hide from that discussion.
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[He feels tears forming, but refuses to let them out. This isn't about his feelings. It's about being honest with his friend.]
But now I feel like I should have at least warned you. But I keep trying to protect my friends...even though you deserved to know. And I wish I could do more for you than just apologize, Macaque. Because you and MK both have to deal with this. So do Saya and Red Son...but you two are the closest to him.
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MK and I are going to be fine. We found a way to reverse the amnesia, so MK will get him back and I'll--
[ Well. ] I'll have that talk with him as soon as he has his memories back. It's time, whether or not we're ready.
You were trying to help. It's no use second guessing what might have been.
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I hope so.
And that's kind of you to say. But I'm going to try to avoid making that mistake a third time.
And...fair warning. Don't give your word on anything if you know I'm in the room. Not unless you're sure you can keep it. Because, uh...well I don't have to hold you to your word. Sometimes it just happens because of what I am.
I usually keep that to myself for safety reasons.
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[ A nod. ] I won't, then. Thank you for telling me.
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Also, if I ever try to coax specific wording out of you without being up front. Something is wrong. Because I'll never willingly offer you another pledge that's not going to benefit you and with have terms clear. I'll give you my word on that.
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[ He offers Cole a small smile. A tense smile because the situation is what it is, but Macaque and Wukong's checkered past is hardly Cole's fault or doing. ]
Did you tell MK yet, or do you want me to? I know he might be upset with me either way, and that'd be fair enough, so it's whatever is easier for you.
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I told him. I also told him that the lich things and Wukong asking for time were part of why you hadn't talked to him. But I told him I wanted to find the words to tell you myself.
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[ Macaque tries to predict how pissed MK might be, but he's fried and so gives up fairly quickly. It'll be what it is. ] Thanks for making me seem slightly less awful than the reality.
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You really should give yourself more credit. I've been paying attention to you from the day we met. You've outwardly changed a lot to reflect what you've been telling me.
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That's not change. I stopped putting on a front around you since it was fairly useless after our chat in the masque and you're close to MK.
The abrasive attitude has almost always been intentional, even around Wukong.
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It still counts. The reason doesn't matter. You've realized what you want to do and you're taking the steps to work for it. It's not happening overnight for a lot of reasons...but you're trying.
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The trying doesn't mean all that much unless I actually do it.
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...also, you saw my definition of terrible in the haunted house. And you let me talk about it a bit. So...maybe the bar has been set high.
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...Did MK tell you what I did to him when we first met? And for a long time after?
Your opinion of me shouldn't be good at all, and neither should his.
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I'm not saying it doesn't matter, but I'm in no position to judge you for what you did before. I've done terrible things too, even if it wasn't willingly.
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It's really not change. I told you, I was always the earnest type. At least until it burned me and got me killed.
Don't let me get in a position to hurt you more, is all I'm saying. You've had enough of that.
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[Cole's sitting firm on that.]
All I'm asking is that you don't be so hard on yourself with everything that just happened making things harder. If you can ease the blame on me, you deserve the same. That's my thought on the matter.
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And I'm not being hard on myself, I'm being honest. MK wants to think better of me than he should, and that could end badly.
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So I think you are, if only about current events.
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...You're a good kid. That's all I'm saying. And good people... [ he shrugs ] You might be seeing things in me that aren't there anymore. Every time you do it feels like I'm messing with you.
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I was remade to be a snoop, but now I belong to such an abomination that even an eldritch god calls her that. I'm a good kid who sold out to save my own skin and violated my friend's trust because I didn't know what would happen if I didn't. I've been marked for death by a mage who wanted to use my spirit for who knows what until I was no longer me. I've also seen a person whose creed and powers are Hero, that sold his brother to a fairy in exchange for a new brother just so he could be the big brother instead...because the older brother is the main character. I've seen a whole two reduced to faceless zombies.
So if it helps, take my view of you with a grain of salt. Because between all of that and literally being a portal and a puppet...I really don't feel like you're messing with me, Macaque. I'm also not saying you're a saint...but one of the most trustworthy people I met was an assassin.
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You've had a terrible time of it, no argument. Doesn't mean that's what you deserved. A lot of your situation it doesn't sound like you had any control over, or not much.
I'm different. I had plenty of choices and plenty of power and I still messed everything up.
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And I still don't think that this last two weeks makes you terrible. That's all. We're our worst critics after all.
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