"That's because cats are awesome," he said. "Little bundles of love."
He nods. "I do. I love him, I wouldn't have adopted him if I didn't, but he has a lot of father issues and it can be hard to take when he stops actually seeing me and I can't get his eyes to clear." He has enough difficulties seeing him as himself and when one of those other people is actually a terrible father, it gets to be...
A lot.
"Hopefully it'll be easier to help when there are more people in his life he can depend on without that issue. So breaks will help, keep me from messing up."
"He mentioned to me about his father issues. Very briefly." So Macaque gets it. He can imagine how hard this is, all around. Wanting to help and not being able to is the worst feeling.
"A couple of days, then? Or whatever, you decide. Cole insisted that I keep my own schedule, I just need to make sure I get enough time with him, and I'm doing that, so I'm flexible."
He reaches over to squeeze Wash's shoulder, making sure that Wash sees it coming (if he doesn't see it, or flinches away, Macaque puts his hand back down).
"I sort of want to say that afterwards I'll take you somewhere to nap for a while. I'd be able to hear if Wylan needed you, so maybe you could get some rest knowing that. And my shadow blankets are the most comfortable thing in the world to sleep on." If he does say so himself.
"They're bad and if you asked me who I wanted to murder more between him and Nyssa, I'm not sure I could tell you," he said. He has a twenty step plan to make that man's life a living hell before a very slow death.
"A couple of days. If we can't get Wylan into some place more stable after this long, we're going to need to get professionals anyway. Donnie, Eve, nor Lott are equipped or in place to help, and then there's the time of year for Choco and if I crack with him alone, it's going to set everything back to the start. He can't even take me being the Soldier and that's the healthiest thing I can default to when I'm not coping well. He either needs to be in a better place, or I'll need actual licensed back up." He doesn't know how Wylan would react to professionals, all things considered.
But he already hates himself enough for the situation.
If he adds something else to the pile, its going to be two fires instead of one.
"...you can teleport us in an instant," he said. And god. God, does a nap sound good.
"I can teleport us in an instant." Just soft reassurance. Yes, please, rest for Wash. "You can get some rest now, if you wanted to. I can hear him loud and clear. Even his heart rate. He's okay." Which sounds creepy but Macaque literally can't help it, so he might as well make it useful.
--Oh, speaking of a couple of days.
"That reminds me. It won't be long until the kids are in season, and you'll need someplace else to be. I have a house right on the edge of the Autumn segment, it where I lived before Cole. I keep it clean and stocked... like a safehouse. Plenty of space for you two, nice and quiet, and nobody knows about it aside from Choco, and now you. I'd like to keep it that way, if you get my drift." Please don't tell people that he has this place just in case he needs to run away. "Cole can't take knowing that right now, so I need it quiet. But its yours if you want it, until the kids are through with the surge in instincts."
He's used to being monitored via his suit when it comes to stuff like health. Sure, sometimes it was an isolated system, but there was plenty that was connected to some kind of centralized system.
"So even if he's trying to be dangerously reckless, we wouldn't be too late." Because that is the biggest concern. Wylan gets self destructive in seemingly an instant. Its why he's so worried.
He looks surprised at that. He understands the value of a safe house. They weren't things to be given out without serious consideration. "Are you sure?"
"I'm sure about the house. I thought about it long and hard. Like I said, I trust you." And that's that. It was so much easier than he thought it would be.
"Even if he's being dangerously reckless, we can get to him before there's any harm. Even if he's just panicking from his own thoughts. I've got my ears on him, and I won't hesitate if there's the slightest chance there could be a problem. I've got him. Come here and rest." He pats his shoulder.
"Truly a poor decision," he said jokingly. Probably jokingly. Debatable.
"Hm, at this rate, I might think you're just looking for a cuddle partner," he said. He sighed and looked out at the lake. "...it is getting close to the point where Choco is going to get tempted to use a sleep spell on me."
"I have three and a half of those already, I'm not that hard up for cuddles. Irresistible as you are and all, this is more about you looking like you're about to fall over. And you won't be any good to anyone then."
He scoots a bit closer. "Come on, you can't have a better offer than this. You can be sure he's okay, and you'll be better able to keep him that way if you're rested. And I'm terribly comfortable to cuddle, so there's no downside."
He huffs a bit, amused. Before he finally lets him slump down more. He IS really tired.
"Your gut is really soft," he said and let's himself lean against Macaque. "Even on your back. Kind of thought it'd be matted, trapped under your fur." Instead it was stupidly soft, even if he was near tearing it out over proper petting.
Macaque moves his arm to accommodate Wash, though doesn't put it around him or anything too jarring.
And he huffs at the comment. "Grooming is important to monkeys, I take good care of it. Especially at this time of year, when I'll be starting to shed my undercoat. I can't stand feeling dirty or making a mess so I'm pretty meticulous about it."
He opens a portal and grabs a shadow blanket. "See if this is comfortable to you, it might help you relax." It feels like a refreshing breeze in a warm shade, soft in a very different way then Macaque's fur.
"You need a brushing partner for that? I used to brush out my cat's under fur, and I only ever got scratched once. Learned real fast how to do it right," he said with a chuckle.
He reaches out to take the blanket. Running his hands over it at first, to get used to the feeling. Touch starvation from power armor takes very careful adjustments to new things. "Magic really is wild."
"What is going on with Cole?" He asked as he adjusted. It takes a bit for him to wide down irregardless.
"If you're offering, I'm not going to say no. It helps to have someone else do it." Monkeys have an instinct to be groomed for social reasons and all. "I only scratch when absolutely necessary. Or when it's welcome. I might purr, though."
"There's a lot it can do, yes. I've been working with my shadows a long time, so I had a lot of time to experiment." He will let Wash use the blanket or not as he likes.
About Cole, he sighs. "Long story short, part of the way he works is that he needs a pillar to keep him grounded to reality. Usually it's been an object, but in this case it's me. Seeing me all messed up wasn't great for his grip on reality, so he's breaking. If I don't spend enough time with him, he'll get worse, fall into a coma." It's a little more complicated than that, but that's the short version. "As you can imagine, I feel like shit about that. All I want is to fix this, but I also want to run since that's my usual coping. I think that's why he insists that I take breaks, he knows me."
Not so far off from the Wylan situation, thematically.
"I have noticed the purring. Its cute," he said. "If a little weird to suddenly feel in a wildly different context." He's so used to purring=cat so it was a bit jarring. Not necessarily in a bad way, just a need to get used to it way. "And yeah, I'm offering. Just so its clear."
"Magic probably doesn't exist in my world. Some Forerunner stuff seems like it, but nothing definite. Still getting used to all it can do," he said. Shifting the blanket to include Macaque as well. We cuddling properly here.
"...that does seem ill advised to attach something like that to a person. Sure, they could defend themselves unlike an object, but relationships are...complicated. Even one that's been steadfast for years would be risky," he said. Even without ill intent. Sudden vanishings, death, just drama. A lot can happen.
"It's different than cat purring, at least. Or at least it sounds wildly different to me, not sure if that's universal. It's like I can tell the difference between Donnie's chirps and Choco's, and Choco's when she's imitating me, and a native-born monkey. But then I can hear the difference in a person's heartbeat from miles and miles away, so perhaps I'm not the best judge."
Macaque will also snuggle under the blanket, it's his magic so of course it comforts him. "I make every effort to impress people I want to go on dates with, what can I say?" It was more that he wanted Wash to relax enough to rest, but he's keeping it light.
"He didn't choose me as his pillar, it just happened. He has limited influence over what it is, he just got stuck with me. I would have thought it'd be MK, since he's got the temperament for it, but he can't be because fey rules are total horseshit. But since it isn't MK, that means that if I fail at this I'm not only losing Cole but MK will probably never forgive me since 'just spend time with him so he doesn't lapse into a coma' sounds so stupid easy. But it helps more if we spend meaningful time together whatever that means, and right now I'm too nervous about screwing up worse to relax and open up. Plus, before I found all this out I did something that freaked Cole out even worse to try and protect him and he's worried about that. It's a big mess."
"Hm, I might here the difference when I'm looking for it. I just couldn't focus on that in the simulation and I didn't want after you put me through a wall," he said. "...which was hotter than it had any right to be, and I'm not entirely sure that isn't from Epsilon." Sometimes your tastes might get borrowed from someone else. "But I am pretty good at picking out distinctions, I just need to be paying attention."
"Really now? Now I'm interested if you've been doing other posturing to try and impress me," he said teasingly.
"Ah, fey. Yeah, that would do it, fey stuff always seems like bullshit," he said. "But I'm pretty sure you wouldn't lose MK. MK seems far more like the time to fall into a toxic, fucked up relationship to keep the people he wants close than to just leave them behind." There is certainly a vibe around MK. "What thing freaked him out?" He asked, reaching for one of Macaque's hands.
"Mm, I'm not surprised. Don't think I didn't register that you liked when I broke all that granite."
Macaque starts purring a bit, just to give Wash an example. (Also, it might be another thing that helps him relax.) It doesn't sound quite like a lion's purring, but definitely more wild and deeper than a housecat's.
"What, my fishing you out of that swimming pool when we first met didn't impress you sufficiently? I'd better step up my game." Since we're teasing here.
"You really have a perfect read on MK, not that I'm surprised. But I don't think he'd leave me behind, I just think he'd keep me around and resent me the whole time. And as for what I did..."
He hesitates.
"In the simulation, someone showed up. A power broker of a sort from Cole's world, someone who pulls strings about the happenings there. Cole can't remember most of what happened in the last little while because of more fey bullshit, so he asked this guy, who's a fey himself, to fill in some blanks. Started talking about how Cole died again, and a bunch of stuff that freaked me out. So the guy offered me a deal. He is limited as far as the influence he can have over their world's inhabitants because of rules he'd bound by, but I'm not bound by those rules. It's a deal that would let me go to their world to help Cole, try and keep him alive."
"I know fey deals are sketchy as hell, but what he wanted from me had loopholes so big you could drive a train through them. I can't see every angle since it's not my world, but it was the only thing I could do for Cole. He had me over a barrel and we both knew it. So I agreed. Cole pretty much lost it. I didn't know it then, but he has a history of not being able to stop bad things from happening to people he loves. I don't know if knowing that would have changed my mind, but it's done now. All I can do is make the best of it."
"Yeah. I mean, I've been attracted to tough people, but Epsilon definitely liked his partners who could put him through a wall," he said with an amused chuckle. Just gonna call out Church.
"To be fair, Feather is the one who saw most of that," he said. "Though she does think you're cool, so there is that."
"MK isn't hard to read, once you get past the playing dumb thing to lighten the mood. That sort of thing has been barely white noise for me for a while, so the rest is pretty clear," he said. "I don't think he'd even go for resentment. Probably just be heartbroken."
There is a long pause at that because oh boy. Oh boy. "Honestly, I really can't blame Cole for freaking out. Even without the trauma, that would be a nightmare to watch go down."
"You in the habit of making terrible deals when feeling cornered about helping yoru people?"
Epsilon's partners? Can AIs... well, apparently so. "Admittedly, just because I can do that doesn't mean it's what usually happens. I'm a sucker for encouragement is all that is." MK wants to be bound, he binds. Red wants him to bite, he bites. And Wukong can choose from a vast menu that's only limited by his imagination.
"--Ah, right." It had been unnerving as hell at the time, but now it's just a thing that happens, it's whatever. It's part of Wash and part of Choco, he's okay with it. Even MK has a whole other persona.
Macaque groans softly and scrubs at his face. "You get that heartbroken isn't better, right?"
Anyway, the meat of this is the deal he made. Macaque chuckles humorlessly. "I do have that habit, yes. Usually less deals and more just... choices. Even when I know it's not the best idea. The last time I did that, I was killed. The time before that, we launched a rebellion against Heaven. I'm better about it now than I used to be, but not by much, evidently. You don't want to know what sort of bullshit I'd sign up for if it had been Choco or Donnie instead of Cole."
Its what happens when AIs are copied from people. Also robot bodies. Or mental simulations. Its a whole thing. "Is that what you call biting your ear? Encouragement?" He asked. "Though its not surprising. I can see you having a praise kink."
"It can be hard to track, I know. I don't usually share memories with Feather, it takes a while to untangle and communicate that effectively. Same with Ai-chan and Epsilon," he said. "If its a variation of 'me,' then I remember."
He hummed. "Resentment is combative. You can work with heartbroken, if you're brave enough."
He sighed. "Choco would have been in despair, and Donnie would have been incredibly mad. Donnie likes to find those tough solutions, its admirable. And Choco hates the whole kidnap thing and its reeking of that same lack of agency." He considers his hand a few moments, running his fingers over Macaque's.
"I don't know if you can get out of a fey deal once its made, but just so you don't make any other highly questionable deals, Choco and I can offer another solution when it comes to getting to other worlds," he said. "In Kyriakos, Epsilon had a teammate. Roxy Lalonde. In short, she's a creation void god. She steals nothingness from things to make them exist, objects, concepts, information, and she's intimately familiar with the space between universes. She's been helping Choco and I for a few years now when it comes to solving issues like being in the wrong universe."
"Biting my ear hurt, and I reacted accordingly. Breaking the granite was more typical for what I do when encouraged. It was what you were saying and sounding like."
He watches Wash with his hand, not moving his own very much, just letting Wash do as he likes with it. "I'd rather avoid the whole thing altogether and make Cole better, if it's all the same to you. I've caused enough heartbreak in MK. In my defense, though, some of those were less a result of terrible choices I made and either terrible circumstances courtesy of the Lady Bone Demon eating me from the inside, or just differences in how we do things that took a while to work through." The brain surgery thing, that could definitely be called a result of terrible choices.
It's sobering to think of Choco or Donnie being upset that he tried to save their life. Isn't it just as much a lack of agency to stand there and be forced to do nothing while someone you love is in grave danger?
"I'm not sure if I can get out of the deal," he says quietly. He's not sure he wants to. "If it helps, the guy promised to use every power he has available to make sure I got out of there safely. He took a liking to me, so that probably also factors in. When I first walked in there all he wanted to do was kiss me, and I said I'd do it since he's the one who restored Cole to life, and it was just a kiss." No big deal.
He considers this information about their friend. "Maybe. It would be good to get in there and at least learn more about what I'm dealing with. Max would probably let me out of the deal if I play my cards right, explain that I was just done having my feelings entirely rearranged when I did that. Which is perfectly true, they still kick up weirdly now and then. He said that he wanted to hear me sing, he seemed lonely. It wouldn't hurt to ask if he'd modify the deal."
"I don't want to hurt Cole, I just like my chances of survival better than his. Especially with Max's protection."
"Ah, so that's the difference. Noted. And I will remember to avoid that much pressure in the future if we sleep together again," he said. If they do is a little up in the air. Saying yes to the date and saying yes to sleeping together are different things. He's not necessarily opposed, but needing to see where the chips fall.
"Cole getting better is definitely the better outcome. Might see if he can think of alternatives, or find ways to make more anchors. Just for safety. Redundancies and all that," he said, thumbs tracing over his knuckles. "I think that's just proof you can work things out with MK, even with really huge fucks up, given time."
There is a difference between doing nothing and taking control of the situation whole cloth. Wash himself had more than once taken Choco's agency from her with his protectiveness. But he could never not try and she knew that, so it was all about balance.
"If he used the word 'promise,' it does help. Depending on what kind of fey he is, it can be really hard to say how things will play out, even with liking you. A fairy liking someone could be a benevolent as helping them to malicious as wanting to keep them in a jar for eternity."
"She's also got a 'hella stealth mode' as she puts it. You could get a lot of information, know the full of the things going on instead of going in blind," he said. "Hopefully Max is that readable, but never hurts to have a back up plan."
"My ears don't see the light of day very often." They're glamoured over now, for example. "I've been covering them over for centuries, so that makes them even more sensitive to touch than normal."
Macaque is fine seeing where the chips fall. Hitting a reset button sounds just about perfect, actually. He doesn't want one moment of coping and negativity to guide anything they do from here on.
"He can't control how the pillars work, but if I were to vanish from here, for example, he'd have to get a new one somehow... this is the first time it's ever been a person, so I'm not sure he knows all he rules about it. I just want to deal with this, and then once he's better I can get into the weeds about it."
Macaque's fingers lift and lower in response to Wash thumbing over them, just idly moving his hand in response to touch stimuli.
"He did. Use that word, I mean." Cole insisted on it. "And me leaving their world to return to my own, or wherever I'd like to go, is part of the deal. Between the two, it's safe to say that I'll be leaving there alive. He can screw with a lot, but the language there was unambiguous. Cole wrote that part of the deal himself."
"I'll certainly take help with knowing what's going on. Specifically about what he wants me to do in exchange for the help I'd be providing to Cole. Like I said, there are loopholes there."
"Ah. I know that feelings. Spend a decade in power armor and then you start touching people, and its all...buzzy," he said. "Even with the past few years moving in and out of armor, still takes getting used to." There is a pause. "Your ears are cute though. Good for extra scritches too, I bet."
"Sounds frustrating," he said. Frankly, it sounded like a nightmare. He ends up looking at the back of his hand for a few moments, where there is a rather fancy if oddly faded tattoo there.
Even Servants get to choose to a degree.
"But yeah. Making sure he's stable makes sense. Just don't forget you do have people to rely on to help. Donnie can figure out a lot of scans and clearly Red Son knows a bunch of magic stuff."
"Good. Don't get kidnapped by fairies. It sounds as annoying as desperate gods," he said. "After this place, I'll get you into contact with Roxy. You can figure things out. Fair warning, she....well, you don't look at her and think 'god.' She's got strong wild sorority girl vibes."
"Thanks." There's a short pause, but what the hell. Maybe he saw it in the heart. "Did you see a memory of when I was very young in my heart game? My ears caused the monkeys to reject me, and humans too once I started going around them. I only let them out when I trust someone." So there's that.
"Yeah, it's frustrating. But mostly I'm just in a panic all the time." A small self-deprecating huff. "Cole said something to me the other day, that I do whatever I have to do if I think I need to for my people. He was talking about this deal, among other things. I know it wasn't all a compliment, but I don't know if I feel like it's true. If it was true, he wouldn't be in this mess."
--Kidnapped by desperate gods? He must mean this place, or the other words that stole him and Choco. "I mean, it's definitely not the plan. But she sounds like fun. Or at least, never boring."
"Unfortunately people are assholes," he said, tilting his head. "I didn't see it, I just believe it. Animals get wary on what looks different too." He is noting that sign of trust though.
"He's right," Wash said, blunt and matter of fact. "Just because you're doing whatever you think you have to do doesn't mean you're doing the right thing. Its amazing how often being that desperate for your loved ones actually tends to lead people into a trashfire of a situation. I'm sure Tucker can give you an account of how many times he's had to tell me off for that practice."
He threads their fingers together. "You let me use you, even thought you believed it could ruin things at the same time. You wanted to help. It was the only way to feel like you could. Its a messy thing. Sometimes it works out, and sometimes you get your teammates shaking you to stop doing it."
Fey, fairies, basically the same thing. "She is a delight. A little hard to follow with the old internet speak, but she is quite charming. A very sweet girl."
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Re: A couple days after the Questionable Coping
He nods. "I do. I love him, I wouldn't have adopted him if I didn't, but he has a lot of father issues and it can be hard to take when he stops actually seeing me and I can't get his eyes to clear." He has enough difficulties seeing him as himself and when one of those other people is actually a terrible father, it gets to be...
A lot.
"Hopefully it'll be easier to help when there are more people in his life he can depend on without that issue. So breaks will help, keep me from messing up."
Re: A couple days after the Questionable Coping
"A couple of days, then? Or whatever, you decide. Cole insisted that I keep my own schedule, I just need to make sure I get enough time with him, and I'm doing that, so I'm flexible."
He reaches over to squeeze Wash's shoulder, making sure that Wash sees it coming (if he doesn't see it, or flinches away, Macaque puts his hand back down).
"I sort of want to say that afterwards I'll take you somewhere to nap for a while. I'd be able to hear if Wylan needed you, so maybe you could get some rest knowing that. And my shadow blankets are the most comfortable thing in the world to sleep on." If he does say so himself.
Re: A couple days after the Questionable Coping
"A couple of days. If we can't get Wylan into some place more stable after this long, we're going to need to get professionals anyway. Donnie, Eve, nor Lott are equipped or in place to help, and then there's the time of year for Choco and if I crack with him alone, it's going to set everything back to the start. He can't even take me being the Soldier and that's the healthiest thing I can default to when I'm not coping well. He either needs to be in a better place, or I'll need actual licensed back up." He doesn't know how Wylan would react to professionals, all things considered.
But he already hates himself enough for the situation.
If he adds something else to the pile, its going to be two fires instead of one.
"...you can teleport us in an instant," he said. And god. God, does a nap sound good.
Re: A couple days after the Questionable Coping
--Oh, speaking of a couple of days.
"That reminds me. It won't be long until the kids are in season, and you'll need someplace else to be. I have a house right on the edge of the Autumn segment, it where I lived before Cole. I keep it clean and stocked... like a safehouse. Plenty of space for you two, nice and quiet, and nobody knows about it aside from Choco, and now you. I'd like to keep it that way, if you get my drift." Please don't tell people that he has this place just in case he needs to run away. "Cole can't take knowing that right now, so I need it quiet. But its yours if you want it, until the kids are through with the surge in instincts."
Re: A couple days after the Questionable Coping
"So even if he's trying to be dangerously reckless, we wouldn't be too late." Because that is the biggest concern. Wylan gets self destructive in seemingly an instant. Its why he's so worried.
He looks surprised at that. He understands the value of a safe house. They weren't things to be given out without serious consideration. "Are you sure?"
Re: A couple days after the Questionable Coping
"Even if he's being dangerously reckless, we can get to him before there's any harm. Even if he's just panicking from his own thoughts. I've got my ears on him, and I won't hesitate if there's the slightest chance there could be a problem. I've got him. Come here and rest." He pats his shoulder.
Re: A couple days after the Questionable Coping
"Hm, at this rate, I might think you're just looking for a cuddle partner," he said. He sighed and looked out at the lake. "...it is getting close to the point where Choco is going to get tempted to use a sleep spell on me."
Re: A couple days after the Questionable Coping
He scoots a bit closer. "Come on, you can't have a better offer than this. You can be sure he's okay, and you'll be better able to keep him that way if you're rested. And I'm terribly comfortable to cuddle, so there's no downside."
Re: A couple days after the Questionable Coping
"Your gut is really soft," he said and let's himself lean against Macaque. "Even on your back. Kind of thought it'd be matted, trapped under your fur." Instead it was stupidly soft, even if he was near tearing it out over proper petting.
Re: A couple days after the Questionable Coping
And he huffs at the comment. "Grooming is important to monkeys, I take good care of it. Especially at this time of year, when I'll be starting to shed my undercoat. I can't stand feeling dirty or making a mess so I'm pretty meticulous about it."
He opens a portal and grabs a shadow blanket. "See if this is comfortable to you, it might help you relax." It feels like a refreshing breeze in a warm shade, soft in a very different way then Macaque's fur.
Re: A couple days after the Questionable Coping
He reaches out to take the blanket. Running his hands over it at first, to get used to the feeling. Touch starvation from power armor takes very careful adjustments to new things. "Magic really is wild."
"What is going on with Cole?" He asked as he adjusted. It takes a bit for him to wide down irregardless.
Re: A couple days after the Questionable Coping
"There's a lot it can do, yes. I've been working with my shadows a long time, so I had a lot of time to experiment." He will let Wash use the blanket or not as he likes.
About Cole, he sighs. "Long story short, part of the way he works is that he needs a pillar to keep him grounded to reality. Usually it's been an object, but in this case it's me. Seeing me all messed up wasn't great for his grip on reality, so he's breaking. If I don't spend enough time with him, he'll get worse, fall into a coma." It's a little more complicated than that, but that's the short version. "As you can imagine, I feel like shit about that. All I want is to fix this, but I also want to run since that's my usual coping. I think that's why he insists that I take breaks, he knows me."
Not so far off from the Wylan situation, thematically.
Re: A couple days after the Questionable Coping
"Magic probably doesn't exist in my world. Some Forerunner stuff seems like it, but nothing definite. Still getting used to all it can do," he said. Shifting the blanket to include Macaque as well. We cuddling properly here.
"...that does seem ill advised to attach something like that to a person. Sure, they could defend themselves unlike an object, but relationships are...complicated. Even one that's been steadfast for years would be risky," he said. Even without ill intent. Sudden vanishings, death, just drama. A lot can happen.
Re: A couple days after the Questionable Coping
Macaque will also snuggle under the blanket, it's his magic so of course it comforts him. "I make every effort to impress people I want to go on dates with, what can I say?" It was more that he wanted Wash to relax enough to rest, but he's keeping it light.
"He didn't choose me as his pillar, it just happened. He has limited influence over what it is, he just got stuck with me. I would have thought it'd be MK, since he's got the temperament for it, but he can't be because fey rules are total horseshit. But since it isn't MK, that means that if I fail at this I'm not only losing Cole but MK will probably never forgive me since 'just spend time with him so he doesn't lapse into a coma' sounds so stupid easy. But it helps more if we spend meaningful time together whatever that means, and right now I'm too nervous about screwing up worse to relax and open up. Plus, before I found all this out I did something that freaked Cole out even worse to try and protect him and he's worried about that. It's a big mess."
Re: A couple days after the Questionable Coping
"Really now? Now I'm interested if you've been doing other posturing to try and impress me," he said teasingly.
"Ah, fey. Yeah, that would do it, fey stuff always seems like bullshit," he said. "But I'm pretty sure you wouldn't lose MK. MK seems far more like the time to fall into a toxic, fucked up relationship to keep the people he wants close than to just leave them behind." There is certainly a vibe around MK. "What thing freaked him out?" He asked, reaching for one of Macaque's hands.
Re: A couple days after the Questionable Coping
Macaque starts purring a bit, just to give Wash an example. (Also, it might be another thing that helps him relax.) It doesn't sound quite like a lion's purring, but definitely more wild and deeper than a housecat's.
"What, my fishing you out of that swimming pool when we first met didn't impress you sufficiently? I'd better step up my game." Since we're teasing here.
"You really have a perfect read on MK, not that I'm surprised. But I don't think he'd leave me behind, I just think he'd keep me around and resent me the whole time. And as for what I did..."
He hesitates.
"In the simulation, someone showed up. A power broker of a sort from Cole's world, someone who pulls strings about the happenings there. Cole can't remember most of what happened in the last little while because of more fey bullshit, so he asked this guy, who's a fey himself, to fill in some blanks. Started talking about how Cole died again, and a bunch of stuff that freaked me out. So the guy offered me a deal. He is limited as far as the influence he can have over their world's inhabitants because of rules he'd bound by, but I'm not bound by those rules. It's a deal that would let me go to their world to help Cole, try and keep him alive."
"I know fey deals are sketchy as hell, but what he wanted from me had loopholes so big you could drive a train through them. I can't see every angle since it's not my world, but it was the only thing I could do for Cole. He had me over a barrel and we both knew it. So I agreed. Cole pretty much lost it. I didn't know it then, but he has a history of not being able to stop bad things from happening to people he loves. I don't know if knowing that would have changed my mind, but it's done now. All I can do is make the best of it."
Re: A couple days after the Questionable Coping
"To be fair, Feather is the one who saw most of that," he said. "Though she does think you're cool, so there is that."
"MK isn't hard to read, once you get past the playing dumb thing to lighten the mood. That sort of thing has been barely white noise for me for a while, so the rest is pretty clear," he said. "I don't think he'd even go for resentment. Probably just be heartbroken."
There is a long pause at that because oh boy. Oh boy. "Honestly, I really can't blame Cole for freaking out. Even without the trauma, that would be a nightmare to watch go down."
"You in the habit of making terrible deals when feeling cornered about helping yoru people?"
Re: A couple days after the Questionable Coping
"--Ah, right." It had been unnerving as hell at the time, but now it's just a thing that happens, it's whatever. It's part of Wash and part of Choco, he's okay with it. Even MK has a whole other persona.
Macaque groans softly and scrubs at his face. "You get that heartbroken isn't better, right?"
Anyway, the meat of this is the deal he made. Macaque chuckles humorlessly. "I do have that habit, yes. Usually less deals and more just... choices. Even when I know it's not the best idea. The last time I did that, I was killed. The time before that, we launched a rebellion against Heaven. I'm better about it now than I used to be, but not by much, evidently. You don't want to know what sort of bullshit I'd sign up for if it had been Choco or Donnie instead of Cole."
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"It can be hard to track, I know. I don't usually share memories with Feather, it takes a while to untangle and communicate that effectively. Same with Ai-chan and Epsilon," he said. "If its a variation of 'me,' then I remember."
He hummed. "Resentment is combative. You can work with heartbroken, if you're brave enough."
He sighed. "Choco would have been in despair, and Donnie would have been incredibly mad. Donnie likes to find those tough solutions, its admirable. And Choco hates the whole kidnap thing and its reeking of that same lack of agency." He considers his hand a few moments, running his fingers over Macaque's.
"I don't know if you can get out of a fey deal once its made, but just so you don't make any other highly questionable deals, Choco and I can offer another solution when it comes to getting to other worlds," he said. "In Kyriakos, Epsilon had a teammate. Roxy Lalonde. In short, she's a creation void god. She steals nothingness from things to make them exist, objects, concepts, information, and she's intimately familiar with the space between universes. She's been helping Choco and I for a few years now when it comes to solving issues like being in the wrong universe."
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He watches Wash with his hand, not moving his own very much, just letting Wash do as he likes with it. "I'd rather avoid the whole thing altogether and make Cole better, if it's all the same to you. I've caused enough heartbreak in MK. In my defense, though, some of those were less a result of terrible choices I made and either terrible circumstances courtesy of the Lady Bone Demon eating me from the inside, or just differences in how we do things that took a while to work through." The brain surgery thing, that could definitely be called a result of terrible choices.
It's sobering to think of Choco or Donnie being upset that he tried to save their life. Isn't it just as much a lack of agency to stand there and be forced to do nothing while someone you love is in grave danger?
"I'm not sure if I can get out of the deal," he says quietly. He's not sure he wants to. "If it helps, the guy promised to use every power he has available to make sure I got out of there safely. He took a liking to me, so that probably also factors in. When I first walked in there all he wanted to do was kiss me, and I said I'd do it since he's the one who restored Cole to life, and it was just a kiss." No big deal.
He considers this information about their friend. "Maybe. It would be good to get in there and at least learn more about what I'm dealing with. Max would probably let me out of the deal if I play my cards right, explain that I was just done having my feelings entirely rearranged when I did that. Which is perfectly true, they still kick up weirdly now and then. He said that he wanted to hear me sing, he seemed lonely. It wouldn't hurt to ask if he'd modify the deal."
"I don't want to hurt Cole, I just like my chances of survival better than his. Especially with Max's protection."
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"Cole getting better is definitely the better outcome. Might see if he can think of alternatives, or find ways to make more anchors. Just for safety. Redundancies and all that," he said, thumbs tracing over his knuckles. "I think that's just proof you can work things out with MK, even with really huge fucks up, given time."
There is a difference between doing nothing and taking control of the situation whole cloth. Wash himself had more than once taken Choco's agency from her with his protectiveness. But he could never not try and she knew that, so it was all about balance.
"If he used the word 'promise,' it does help. Depending on what kind of fey he is, it can be really hard to say how things will play out, even with liking you. A fairy liking someone could be a benevolent as helping them to malicious as wanting to keep them in a jar for eternity."
"She's also got a 'hella stealth mode' as she puts it. You could get a lot of information, know the full of the things going on instead of going in blind," he said. "Hopefully Max is that readable, but never hurts to have a back up plan."
Re: A couple days after the Questionable Coping
Macaque is fine seeing where the chips fall. Hitting a reset button sounds just about perfect, actually. He doesn't want one moment of coping and negativity to guide anything they do from here on.
"He can't control how the pillars work, but if I were to vanish from here, for example, he'd have to get a new one somehow... this is the first time it's ever been a person, so I'm not sure he knows all he rules about it. I just want to deal with this, and then once he's better I can get into the weeds about it."
Macaque's fingers lift and lower in response to Wash thumbing over them, just idly moving his hand in response to touch stimuli.
"He did. Use that word, I mean." Cole insisted on it. "And me leaving their world to return to my own, or wherever I'd like to go, is part of the deal. Between the two, it's safe to say that I'll be leaving there alive. He can screw with a lot, but the language there was unambiguous. Cole wrote that part of the deal himself."
"I'll certainly take help with knowing what's going on. Specifically about what he wants me to do in exchange for the help I'd be providing to Cole. Like I said, there are loopholes there."
Re: A couple days after the Questionable Coping
"Sounds frustrating," he said. Frankly, it sounded like a nightmare. He ends up looking at the back of his hand for a few moments, where there is a rather fancy if oddly faded tattoo there.
Even Servants get to choose to a degree.
"But yeah. Making sure he's stable makes sense. Just don't forget you do have people to rely on to help. Donnie can figure out a lot of scans and clearly Red Son knows a bunch of magic stuff."
"Good. Don't get kidnapped by fairies. It sounds as annoying as desperate gods," he said. "After this place, I'll get you into contact with Roxy. You can figure things out. Fair warning, she....well, you don't look at her and think 'god.' She's got strong wild sorority girl vibes."
Re: A couple days after the Questionable Coping
"Yeah, it's frustrating. But mostly I'm just in a panic all the time." A small self-deprecating huff. "Cole said something to me the other day, that I do whatever I have to do if I think I need to for my people. He was talking about this deal, among other things. I know it wasn't all a compliment, but I don't know if I feel like it's true. If it was true, he wouldn't be in this mess."
--Kidnapped by desperate gods? He must mean this place, or the other words that stole him and Choco. "I mean, it's definitely not the plan. But she sounds like fun. Or at least, never boring."
Re: A couple days after the Questionable Coping
"He's right," Wash said, blunt and matter of fact. "Just because you're doing whatever you think you have to do doesn't mean you're doing the right thing. Its amazing how often being that desperate for your loved ones actually tends to lead people into a trashfire of a situation. I'm sure Tucker can give you an account of how many times he's had to tell me off for that practice."
He threads their fingers together. "You let me use you, even thought you believed it could ruin things at the same time. You wanted to help. It was the only way to feel like you could. Its a messy thing. Sometimes it works out, and sometimes you get your teammates shaking you to stop doing it."
Fey, fairies, basically the same thing. "She is a delight. A little hard to follow with the old internet speak, but she is quite charming. A very sweet girl."
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