"It was always impossible. He was shutting me out even before that dream. I thought...I thought after the flowers, if I showed him, he would...he would be less skittish, but it was still just...ignore Red Son until he bothers me!" He said, throwing an arm in the air and it flips over. "I thought...I thought I was overcoming the biggest hurtle..."
"I thought...I thought if I could keep from burning his scent from my nest then...then it would be doable. If I could keep being okay with it that maybe I could...could be rid of the ways he terrifies me. I was so happy when I realized the blanket survived..." There is another sad whine.
"I wanted to try...part of me still wants to try...but I don't think I can. Not without making things worse..."
"If you can't try right now, or you can't try at all, that's okay." Sure it hurts a little that Red's dream won't come true, only because it would be nice to have all the people Macaque and MK love together. But he's not upset or anything close to it.
"I wanted to make you all happy," he said. "I thought I could. I could finally start letting go, go somewhere good, and it just....it hurts..." He said with a small sob.
He buries his face against his neck. "I love you too. I'm sorry."
"I know." He knows this exact pain. Try and trying and it blowing up in your face, and the Monkey King feeling so far away.
"Don't be sorry, Red. I know you tried." He knows Wukong tried too. There's just a lot of baggage there and they communicate in very different ways. "You do make me happy. You do. I don't need you and Wukong to get along."
"Not just failing you..." He said, clutching and loosening his grip on his shirt over and over again. "Or MK. Hurt that I failed you both, but I....I wanted to help him too. Once I could...could see through the anger...he's lonely."
"I thought...I thought if I could convince him we could be good then...then he'd stop being so afraid to...to let things in so he doesn't HAVE to be, but..." He whines again and tightens his hold on Macaque. "This was easier when I didn't care about people...I could just go whatever and move on."
"I think that sometimes too. That things were easier when I was alone and didn't care. But I'm so much happier now, even during the bad times. I wouldn't trade it."
"It's because there's farther to fall. When you're already alone and miserable, adding another bit of misery feels almost routine. When you're elevated by love and togetherness and care, toppling down to being miserable is a much bigger cliff. Also, being alone means there's very little to lose. When there's everything to lose, it's worse."
Macaque is something of an expert in this.
"But I'm here. No matter how miserable you are, I'll always be here."
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"I thought...I thought if I could keep from burning his scent from my nest then...then it would be doable. If I could keep being okay with it that maybe I could...could be rid of the ways he terrifies me. I was so happy when I realized the blanket survived..." There is another sad whine.
"I wanted to try...part of me still wants to try...but I don't think I can. Not without making things worse..."
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"I'm sorry. I love you." What else can he say?
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He buries his face against his neck. "I love you too. I'm sorry."
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"Don't be sorry, Red. I know you tried." He knows Wukong tried too. There's just a lot of baggage there and they communicate in very different ways. "You do make me happy. You do. I don't need you and Wukong to get along."
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"I know." He does, but it still hurts to think about.
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A light thud of his fist against his chest. "I am happier...just misery feels more miserable when its here."
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Macaque is something of an expert in this.
"But I'm here. No matter how miserable you are, I'll always be here."