"If you want to give me more, that's fine. If not, that's fine too. All I want is being with you. I love you, you love me. That's enough," MK said softly and followed it with a soft little purr.
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Macaque lingers for a long moment, then pulls away. "Shame we have things to talk about, or I'd try and convince you into not talking for a while." They have a streak to maintain.
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MK let Macaque pull away but not go too far. He keeps a hold of his shoulders and nods.
"Well maybe after we talk we could do something like that?" MK wants to maintain that streak. It had been so long for him it felt like. He missed it so much.
"So...you wanna talk about home first?"
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That was a way to put it. And it's true. MK knows it is. He nods and takes a deep breath to center himself.
"Okay. So first, you, me, and Wukong got put on trial for damaging the Pillar of Heaven, I told you that. Nezha showed up while we were in jail and we found out about the colored stones and that we needed to find them. So we broke out of jail and escaped. Went on the run from the celestial realm. You...you got caught saving me and Wukong from Li Jing and you ended up in his pagoda."
Another breath.
"Then we went to the Temple of Nuwa and the Vermillion Bird showed me a vision of what had to be done to save the world. It was me going into the pillar with the stones. Everyone was telling me not to but I did. I wasn't sure what it was but Monkey King said that no one knew what the future told. And I remembered what you said. I could choose my own path. And I was going to. But the more stones we found, the more I felt this pull. I could sense them. They were made for me. Or I guess I was made for them. We got four of them and Li Jing showed up. I realized the last tone was in the pagoda. Because the Jade Emperor was the last uh and first guardian. His power was the last stone," MK swallowed.
"So I jumped into the pagoda and so did everyone else. This demon was in there and showed me when Nuwa made me. That she made me to be the sacrifice. And...the Lady Bone Demon was in my head but it wasn't her, it was like something the demon was doing but also my own mind? And I realized then that, well I thought, the only way everyone else survives...is if I don't. And that was when I made up my mind. That I was going to do it. Fulfill my destiny."
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Made him to be the sacrifice, huh? This does not improve Macaque's impression of deities in the slightest.
"And you said nothing to anyone else, because you knew they'd try to stop you." Macaque sighs. "Kiddo, do you really think if you sacrificed yourself, everyone could just go on like it didn't happen?"
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MK swallowed. He didn't talk about it because he knew they would try to stop him. He nodded. He knew that part.
"I...I thought I was doing the right thing. That saving you all, saving the world, was worth it. I wanted to leave the world a little bit better than I found it. I know I screwed up. I didn't think there was another choice. There wasn't a choice to me."
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MK goes quiet. He knows it isn't going to lie. He can't do that to Macaque. The pause is MK considering, should he pull away first? Would Macaque want to even hold him after he admits what he did?
He promises Macaque he could pull away or push him away if he needed. MK doesn't pull back and starts talking.
"We fought. Wukong and I. I lost. He chained me down. And he said he was going to go into the pillar instead. I...I felt like it had to be me. I had to stop him...so I used the circlet. I stole the spell from Li Jing. So only I can activate it now. That's the last thing Wukong remembers. Me using the circlet and walking into the pillar."
MK holds onto Macaque but if he pulls away or pushes MK away, he won't resist.
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Macaque's arms stay around MK, partially because it feels impossible to move them. Macaque remembers how he'd felt seeing that thing on Wukong's head, reading about what that monk did to torture him with it. And MK had done that.
But he felt he was saving Wukong. Saving everyone.
Is that a good enough justification?
...It is. Of course it is. Because it's MK, and because Macaque has learned by now that it's not worth throwing away the people he loves over disagreements that expand into huge blowout fights. (He might have, before his heart game. He might have refused to forgive MK, like he never will forgive Tang Sanzang. Now, he can't bear to think of it.)
Macaque gives MK a squeeze. It's weak from his numb shock, but it's there. "Oh, kiddo." He knows that whatever he's feeling, MK's guilt has to be so much heavier. "I know it's not my place to forgive or not, but if it helps... I do. I forgive you. And I know he does too."
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MK waited and did his best to just be here now, in this moment. The words and the weak squeeze came and so did MK's tears. He felt awful for what he did. Wukong forgave him so easily because he came back. Macaque was forgiving him too, even though he hurt Monkey King like that. It was a surprise but one he wouldn't doubt. He knew what this felt like on the other side. He might not be ready to forgive himself yet, but they did. He would accept that. He'd asked Red Son to do the same.
He would have to live with it.
"I never want to use it again. I won't l-let anyone do it. Only I can and I won't...no one here. I won't let them. It was off w-when I came out of the pillar. It was gone. It went away. I promise I won't ever use it again. I won't." As long as he was in his right mind, he would never do that to Wukong ever again.
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Part of Macaque forgiving MK here and now is because he saw Red Son use the circlet on Wukong before too, although it was really a fake Wukong, and his feelings hadn't been working at the time. After all he's seen and been through, he can understand that very few things are black and white.
But MK will have to live with it, that much is true.
Macaque hugs MK again, tighter this time. "I know you wouldn't use it willingly again. But... sometimes the effects from quests or whatever might make you not in your right mind. Red has a way to remove it, and if Wukong will allow it, maybe we could try that? I know they're not seeing eye to eye right now, but Red was willing to help when I told him that Wukong came back wearing the thing, and Wukong might agree if it's a matter of your peace of mind."
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MK still had no idea about the fake Wukong and he circlet. No clue what all happened in that Heart Game. Probably for the best he never knows. He clung tighter and snuggled as close as he could. To the comfort and kindness of that forgiveness. MK looked up and wiped his tears on his own sleeve.
"I can try to talk to him. A-About letting Red Son help. I...I'll try. I can't make him. We both know no one can make Monkey King do anything he doesn't want to."
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Macaque reaches up and helps wipe MK's tears away.
"No, he's all sorts of stubborn when he wants to be. But if you ask, and I ask, then maybe he'll let Red help. I'm sure it's not easy for you to see that reminder all the time, and I know it's not easy for me."
He hugs MK closer again. "Do we need to talk about you doing dangerous things that you'd never let the people you love do in a thousand years?" Or do you get it already.
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The noodle boy leaned into the wiping of his ears and shook his head. "I...I know better. I came back and I said I was sorry. I knew I screwed up. I know I screwed up. I...I'm sorry." He pressed his face into Macaque's chest.
He got the message. He got it already.
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Macaque catches MK and squeezes him tight. "Okay. I won't belabor the point."
"I love you, kiddo. I'm so glad I didn't lose you, and I'm glad no one else did either. And I'm sorry you were deceived into nearly sacrificing yourself, and I'm even more sorry that you were made for that purpose. It's cruel."
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"I love you too. So much. ...I'm glad I came back. To you. To everyone..." MK took a deep breath. Now for the other big thing.
"It...wasn't the first time," MK said softly. "I...did it every cycle. And there's been a lot of cycles. And...to not do it...I broke it. I broke the cycle. We all did. We destroyed the colored stones and the power went everywhere. Into a lot of people. Maybe everyone. But now, everyone is part of the pillar."
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Okay, one thing at a time. Aside from the fact that deities suck.
"MK, I don't care what some goddess says or thinks, you are not some throwaway part of a cycle. You are not disposable. You're a person, you're my favorite person. A lot of people's favorite person, I can say confidently."
"Whatever broke when you refused to go along with Nuwa's plans, we'll fix it. We'll figure it out together."
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MK pressed close and held on tight. He wasn't sure what could or couldn't be fixed. But whatever happened next, they would face it together. He shifts so easily now as he purrs for real, his tail wrapping around Macaque's.
"Thank you. Together. We'll face it all together."
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He kisses the top of MK's head and just holds him, his tail easily wrapping around MK's. So glad that MK isn't going to make him argue about the value of MK's life, since that would have been frustrating. Especially if the Lady Bone Demon factored in somehow.
"There's nothing we can't handle if we handle it together. And it sounds like Wukong and I are even getting along better back home." Or at least Wukong's reaction would indicate that. It's something to hope for.
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He'll have to think on it.
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"Well maybe after we talk we could do something like that?" MK wants to maintain that streak. It had been so long for him it felt like. He missed it so much.
"So...you wanna talk about home first?"
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"You want to tell me the long story about why you sacrificed yourself and why you didn't talk to anyone about it?"
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"Okay. So first, you, me, and Wukong got put on trial for damaging the Pillar of Heaven, I told you that. Nezha showed up while we were in jail and we found out about the colored stones and that we needed to find them. So we broke out of jail and escaped. Went on the run from the celestial realm. You...you got caught saving me and Wukong from Li Jing and you ended up in his pagoda."
Another breath.
"Then we went to the Temple of Nuwa and the Vermillion Bird showed me a vision of what had to be done to save the world. It was me going into the pillar with the stones. Everyone was telling me not to but I did. I wasn't sure what it was but Monkey King said that no one knew what the future told. And I remembered what you said. I could choose my own path. And I was going to. But the more stones we found, the more I felt this pull. I could sense them. They were made for me. Or I guess I was made for them. We got four of them and Li Jing showed up. I realized the last tone was in the pagoda. Because the Jade Emperor was the last uh and first guardian. His power was the last stone," MK swallowed.
"So I jumped into the pagoda and so did everyone else. This demon was in there and showed me when Nuwa made me. That she made me to be the sacrifice. And...the Lady Bone Demon was in my head but it wasn't her, it was like something the demon was doing but also my own mind? And I realized then that, well I thought, the only way everyone else survives...is if I don't. And that was when I made up my mind. That I was going to do it. Fulfill my destiny."
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"And you said nothing to anyone else, because you knew they'd try to stop you." Macaque sighs. "Kiddo, do you really think if you sacrificed yourself, everyone could just go on like it didn't happen?"
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"I...I thought I was doing the right thing. That saving you all, saving the world, was worth it. I wanted to leave the world a little bit better than I found it. I know I screwed up. I didn't think there was another choice. There wasn't a choice to me."
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"If you thought it was the right thing, why couldn't you tell people and convince them? At least let people say goodbye."
"You should have seen Wukong when he got back. He was so broken. I can't imagine anyone else was better off until you returned alive."
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"Because I knew I couldn't. I couldn't convince anyone. I knew I couldn't..." He nodded. He remembered hearing Wukong when he went into the pillar.
"I-I know. He tried to stop me. He tried to save me even though I was trying to save him..."
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"How did you get past him?" Did MK go monkey mode and hurt Wukong?
He keeps hanging onto MK even as his stomach is full of knots.
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He promises Macaque he could pull away or push him away if he needed. MK doesn't pull back and starts talking.
"We fought. Wukong and I. I lost. He chained me down. And he said he was going to go into the pillar instead. I...I felt like it had to be me. I had to stop him...so I used the circlet. I stole the spell from Li Jing. So only I can activate it now. That's the last thing Wukong remembers. Me using the circlet and walking into the pillar."
MK holds onto Macaque but if he pulls away or pushes MK away, he won't resist.
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Macaque's arms stay around MK, partially because it feels impossible to move them. Macaque remembers how he'd felt seeing that thing on Wukong's head, reading about what that monk did to torture him with it. And MK had done that.
But he felt he was saving Wukong. Saving everyone.
Is that a good enough justification?
...It is. Of course it is. Because it's MK, and because Macaque has learned by now that it's not worth throwing away the people he loves over disagreements that expand into huge blowout fights. (He might have, before his heart game. He might have refused to forgive MK, like he never will forgive Tang Sanzang. Now, he can't bear to think of it.)
Macaque gives MK a squeeze. It's weak from his numb shock, but it's there. "Oh, kiddo." He knows that whatever he's feeling, MK's guilt has to be so much heavier. "I know it's not my place to forgive or not, but if it helps... I do. I forgive you. And I know he does too."
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He would have to live with it.
"I never want to use it again. I won't l-let anyone do it. Only I can and I won't...no one here. I won't let them. It was off w-when I came out of the pillar. It was gone. It went away. I promise I won't ever use it again. I won't." As long as he was in his right mind, he would never do that to Wukong ever again.
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But MK will have to live with it, that much is true.
Macaque hugs MK again, tighter this time. "I know you wouldn't use it willingly again. But... sometimes the effects from quests or whatever might make you not in your right mind. Red has a way to remove it, and if Wukong will allow it, maybe we could try that? I know they're not seeing eye to eye right now, but Red was willing to help when I told him that Wukong came back wearing the thing, and Wukong might agree if it's a matter of your peace of mind."
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"I can try to talk to him. A-About letting Red Son help. I...I'll try. I can't make him. We both know no one can make Monkey King do anything he doesn't want to."
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"No, he's all sorts of stubborn when he wants to be. But if you ask, and I ask, then maybe he'll let Red help. I'm sure it's not easy for you to see that reminder all the time, and I know it's not easy for me."
He hugs MK closer again. "Do we need to talk about you doing dangerous things that you'd never let the people you love do in a thousand years?" Or do you get it already.
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He got the message. He got it already.
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"I love you, kiddo. I'm so glad I didn't lose you, and I'm glad no one else did either. And I'm sorry you were deceived into nearly sacrificing yourself, and I'm even more sorry that you were made for that purpose. It's cruel."
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"I love you too. So much. ...I'm glad I came back. To you. To everyone..." MK took a deep breath. Now for the other big thing.
"It...wasn't the first time," MK said softly. "I...did it every cycle. And there's been a lot of cycles. And...to not do it...I broke it. I broke the cycle. We all did. We destroyed the colored stones and the power went everywhere. Into a lot of people. Maybe everyone. But now, everyone is part of the pillar."
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Okay, one thing at a time. Aside from the fact that deities suck.
"MK, I don't care what some goddess says or thinks, you are not some throwaway part of a cycle. You are not disposable. You're a person, you're my favorite person. A lot of people's favorite person, I can say confidently."
"Whatever broke when you refused to go along with Nuwa's plans, we'll fix it. We'll figure it out together."
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"Thank you. Together. We'll face it all together."
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"There's nothing we can't handle if we handle it together. And it sounds like Wukong and I are even getting along better back home." Or at least Wukong's reaction would indicate that. It's something to hope for.
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