He nodded. "She is like that. Always having to do something. I'm thinking I should tell her about how the war ended. It shouldn't be too long from her time now. The war is going to end and soon, so it feels less...pressing to go back and help." He paused. "Of course, then she focused on the Director, but maybe with it not being an immediate thing to pursue, I can get her to breathe more."
He nodded. "Warn them she can be a little aggro. Even Choco's mostly seen Carolina from later memories, and when she got to visit Chorus. A lot less wound up. But I think I can get her braced so she doesn't do anything that's upsetting." He sighed, burrowing against Macaque. He knows the kids are strong. They can take someone having a crisis. Doesn't mean he wants them to if its avoidable.
"If you think it'll help her," Macaque says softly, as he starts gently pressing some of the points on either side of Wash's spine. Gingerly working out any knots he finds along the way.
"It's not all on you to make sure it goes well between her and the kids," Macaque says, equally gentle. "They can forgive a lot, especially if told that someone is used to tech and not... all this. And it's also on her to roll with things and be a person, not a hardass soldier." And after meeting her, Macaque has faith that she can.
"I'm not saying there's nothing to worry about, but I am saying not to take all the pressure on yourself. Nothing is served by that, especially any of them."
"I think so. She got to help people, but she doesn't have to worry about being something pivotal to it ending. And it ending was good. Good soldiers don't join for glory, just to try and get the fighting to stop," he said. Carolina may want to be the best, and her competitiveness could be a danger, but she was never so obsessed as to begrudge an end that meant less dead.
He sighs, letting himself relax against Macaque as he hit those points.
"Yeah, stopping the hardass soldier is the hard part," Wash said. "I get it. I had that problem too. Its just figuring out where she's at to best help her unwind so things go well," he said. "I love her a lot. Even if she's still in the not sure how much she trusts me stage. I want them to be able to get along. I know Choco would be really sad if they couldn't, she had such a crush on her."
"Hopefully. I did try to tell her that when she goes back it should be to the exact same place, since she seemed pretty set on that. But there's only so much it can help if she thinks all this is some sort of dream or head injury or whatever." Which would be the only explanations that jive with her not accepting what's in front of her eyes. "She might not believe you all the way about the end of the war, but give it time to sink in."
Macaque keeps working on helping Wash relax, perhaps avoid a horrible migraine.
"No one understands being shoved into a crazy world where you don't know what's going on more than Choco. She'll be okay even if there's some bumps in the road. If she can deal with the whole thing with Max, she can deal with Carolina." He can't help but smile. "Her having a crush on Carolina is cute as hell, though."
"Probably that. Maybe her wires frying some synapses or something. Which is admittedly possible, I had a bunch of hallucinations from Epsilon," he said. "Though I don't know how much she understands the tech side of it."
There is a pause.
"I'll need to sit on just how much I got from Epsilon for a while. She's not ready to hear any of that." That could go so bad so fast.
"I know. Still don't want her to if I can avoid it. She deserves a break," he said with a sigh. "And it was adorable. She didn't even realize it was a crush."
"Wires frying things in your head counts as a head injury, Wash. It's just a... complicated head injury."
--Ah, Epsilon. Macaque sighs too. "You're juggling a lot and she only just found you." That's so much to be balancing, so many plates to spin.
"If anyone can understand wanting to protect Choco, it's me. But you also know how she gets about wanting to know the truth of things. She might be hurt by Carolina being averse to magic and giant pigeon wings, but she'll also be hurt if she finds out that you didn't tell her. Not least because she won't want you to be fretting."
He continues working on Wash's acupressure points, all down his spine. "I'm not saying rush it. I am saying that she'll understand if you tell her that Carolina is here but you're not ready for them to meet just yet, that you have some things to bring her up to date on. Choco will want to support you, and she'll understand a brief delay as long as she knows it's not forever." He can't imagine that Choco wouldn't respect Wash saying that he needs a little time.
Wash chuckled. "Not the first time. North and Theta was worse. Alpha was also pretty bad, but at least he was aware of the situation where I got him killed," he said. "Carolina, at least, is not a dead friend." This is not his first rodeo. Just also the worse.
"I'm not going to hide it. That's why portal. I can't be hiding it if I don't see her," he said and snuggles closer. "I'll tell her tomorrow. When I see her. Soon. Just not today. I know she wants me to tell her, she was already real mad when I hid knowing her in the Forest because I didn't want to overwhelm her. Learned my lesson."
There is another deep seated groan. "I know. Choco's great. Understanding. I just also have to tell her she can't see Carolina yet and she will be so excited to. You ever tell her no when she's excited? Like kicking a puppy."
Well, it's good that she's not a dead friend. Wash needs no further emotional and mental AHHHH about this.
"It's reasonable to give yourself a day." He needs a whole minute to process all this, figure out how he wants to handle it, and prepare himself to proverbially kick a puppy.
"Don't think of it as telling her no. Think of it as telling her "not yet." She might get excited, and she might be a little disappointed, but in the long run it'll be fine. But I can understand that it's one more thing that is hard to deal with." Especially when this sort of thing can loom so large in one's head.
"What can I do? Other than provide reassurances that I'm sure you already thought of."
He hummed. "Still. She'll worry. Whole thing," he muttered. He wishes it could be simpler. Sure, Carolina from his time would also balk at magic, but she would also be more used to the Reds and Blues and they are amazing at getting one to just believe in The Nonsense.
She would also trust him more.
"Let me relax here," he said. "Let's me breathe, and unwind and kind of deal with the fact my best friend doesn't remember me as hers, which really sucks, and you rolled with me trolling and calling you babe, so I just want to stay here a while."
"Whole thing," he says, which is an agreement. Sometimes things that should be simple just aren't.
"You're always welcome here." That actually is simple, thankfully. At least that's one thing. "I can't help much with the rest, but I'll always roll with your trolling. It's cute." And look, who would he be if he couldn't embrace trolling?
He pulls Wash a bit closer and nuzzles his head. "I've got you."
"You are helping a lot, I can hear your insecurity," he said, a hand moving up to gently caress his ear. "Being here does so much. Think about how much you wanted people to just stay. Those feelings," he said.
He nuzzles against his neck. "I can never say how much having a place like this means to me, you do so much." One day, he'll get Mavaque to understand.
"Less insecurity than inexperience. Usually when someone wanted my help it was to beat something's ass." He's good at that. The emotional stuff, less so.
He shivers just lightly when Wash touches his ears in a way that Wash definitely shouldn't find surprising at this point.
"I believe you. I do." Wash is a great liar but he wouldn't lie about that. "At least most of me does most of the time, which as good as you're gonna get right now." It's not bad as track records go.
"Absolutely do not beat her ass. She is absolutely not in a state of mind to accept someone beating her as thoroughly as mister basically a god monkey," he said with a dry laugh. "Oh, she's gonna be a NIGHTMARE when she realizes that."
"Fair enough," he said. "Just wanted you to know. I don't need a soldier, I just need a friend."
He hummed. "I absolutely do. We should go on another date soon. With more casual wear. Choco and I have bought shirts."
"You really think I'd do that to your friend without a good reason? Even if she challenged me I'd probably stall since I know she's not ready for what I can do. No disrespect meant. You're impressive and I'm sure she's impressive, for mortals." But also she wouldn't stand a chance and he wants to be sure she could accept that. Right now it doesn't sound like she could.
"I'm clear on what you need from me, Wash. I may not have every bit of confidence that I'll do it will but I can read a room." He sounds amused, and then kisses Wash's temple again.
And then a chuckle. "I suppose that wardrobe would be fitting for a picnic. And a trip to the smoothie bar you like."
"She is incredibly impressive. She can definitely beat me," he said and paused. "Or she could? It has been a few years, I might actually beat her like this. But yeah, no, I am aware where I'm at in the power scaling. I had to do weird cheating stuff to handle a fight with MK's clone and power armor." Sometimes its important to accept what you can and cannot handle. Wash can fight god. He just also knows its not through power, but teamwork and taking advantage of weird things. There is no solo'ing.
He kisses over his pulse. "Good to hear. I think you're doing fantastic."
"It is a good smoothie bar. What did you think? The banana might have been too sweet, but I made sure they didn't add anything to the mango."
"I was going to say, are you so sure she can beat you, with the pendant?" Magic counts for a lot if you know how to use it. "It might be closer now."
He chuckles. "When did you fight MK's clone? Also yeah, not even I can beat MK if he doesn't hold back. In fact, all my mates can wipe the floor with me if they really try, if you account for the Samadhi fire. Not that I think Red would break it out casually." Macaque is pretty powerful but there's still a scale.
Macaque can't help but smile at being told he's doing a decent job of this. "Well... good. I'm glad. If I can be half as helpful as you've been to me, I'll consider it a victory."
He hums in thought. "The banana smelled fine to me. I don't mind sweet as long as it's not artificial-sweet. The mango was great as usual." He kisses Wash's cheek in return. "I keep meaning to try the strawberry one you and Choco like so much. Or some combos."
"I only have ten casts, and there is a good shot I don't down her in the nine until I'm eating dirt. She's got an insane reaction time. I could just put her to sleep or paralyze her, but like that's just outright cheating," he said. And you don't judge by the one shot cheat move, that's just unfair.
"When he was possessed. Some art one, I guess? Managed to point out his symmetry was all wrong with the marks he left on the armor, threw him right off," he said. "But yeah, oneshot moves shouldn't be counted for power scaling. There's a reason you don't make scales with outliers."
"Hm, you have been more than half," he said. At least he thinks so.
He nuzzles his neck more, smiling a bit at the kiss. "Strawberry and banana is really good. I was just in a hurry because I thought I was going to have to menace some gang members stalking me." The reason his heart had picked up so sharply was because he didn't know Carolina had gotten close. He'd known someone was watching him, he hadn't expected that so suddenly.
"Putting her out for a friendly spar is a bit much." Agreed on that. "Now I'm curious if she's faster than I am. It would take a lot, but not impossible. Just pure speed without cheating, I mean. Something to wonder about once she's accepted magic as a thing. Speaking of, I'm not sure if you know what season she got, but she'll have to accept magic at some point since she'll be able to do it herself." Hard to argue with that.
"Ah, the art one is pretty basic as far as combat goes. MK himself is way harder to beat, especially if he shifts and with all the fancy new spell circles. He put handcuffs on me that even I couldn't break out of without my shadows. Whatever I missed back home it seems to be a lot." A whole training arc, or something.
Macaque purrs a bit upon hearing that he's been helpful. He wants nothing more than to be someone the people he cares about can rely on, in whatever capacity.
"You'll have to tell me what you like other than fruit if I'm helping make a picnic. I've gotten pretty great at foods from my home country if you like Chinese food. And of course I'll make something sickly sweet for you too. Ever had Peking toffee apples?"
"That I don't know. Probably not Spring, there isn't a lot there that screams Carolina. I could make an argument for any of the other ones," he said. "Hopefully I can convince her to go learn how to do it. She'd probably be great when she was accepting of it. She's a pretty fast learner when she gets going and she might be able to out speed you. She used a speed mod with her armor, and that one is real easy to hurt yourself with without AI assistance and she was able to use it fairly effectively solo all things considered."
When he says her reaction speed is insane, he means it. The mod made her run as fast as a speeding car.
"I imagine he would have been a lot harder if he wasn't mind controlled. You might get someone whose more ruthless while mind controlled, which can make them more dangerous, but they're also a lot easier to outmaneuver. Easier to lead where you're want." He's had to deal with it a lot. "A ruthless puppet will never match what a person could do going all out on their own."
"Its been years since I had real Chinese food other than what you guys have made," he said. He hummed "Meena had a recipe from her grandparents...it was this dumpling thing with sauce or broth in it? It was...xiao....lang? Long? Bao?" He frowned, fingers carding through his fur. "She had a couple of those, but its a lot harder to remember what those are, I was a teenager." Which was before his memory got freakishly good.
"There's that limit on how quick we can learn magic here, but once she learns creation and manipulation getting good at those has a high reward." Hmm, interesting that she's so quick.
Mind controlled MK is absolutely petrifying, as they learned with the Relius thing. "Yeah, well. I still got myself impaled, so. But I guess that was more because I thought I was seeing some sun peek through the mind control clouds."
Macaque nods. "Xiao long bao, soup dumplings. I can make those. See if what I make lives up to your memory."
"They really are. Even if fire is more limited than Autumn or Winter," he said. Wind kind of has that insubstantial problem. Though Spring does still have plants too.
"Oh, its still dangerous. Its just anyone who goes on how taking away a person's ability to feel bad makes them their strongest selves is just kind of an idiot. Being a puppet always hamstrings their ability, and once you can account for their raw power, they're always going to go down fast. Its just MK has a stupid amount of raw power to account for," he said.
"It might. It has been a few decades. I hadn't actually gotten the nerve to write a letter home yet," he said. "Preeeetty sure they were told I was dead early on in Freelancer."
Macaque nods. "Wukong was mind controlled once, and I fought him. But I was in my "no mercy" phrase and I also knew that he couldn't die no matter what I did. Things here were just a bit different, and Candid was talking to me like things were normal. Even before I really opened up I was pretty open, comparatively."
A wince. "The project was just the worst in so many ways."
"It did seem the clones were retaining at least some semblance of themselves," he said. "Which probably does point to them being able to become their own people thing. Need MK for a source of life, but not necessarily determine all they are. Given more time, they probably could have maintained themselves," he said with a thoughtful hum.
"To be fair, that's just secret organization bullshit too."
Macaque pauses for a long few beats, then nods. Talking about the clones is still a hard subjject, particularly about them maybe being their own people. That's what Macaque believed before things went to hell with Candid.
"Secret organizations can be bullshit but also less bullshit than that."
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Re: Evening After Carolina Arrives
He nodded. "She is like that. Always having to do something. I'm thinking I should tell her about how the war ended. It shouldn't be too long from her time now. The war is going to end and soon, so it feels less...pressing to go back and help." He paused. "Of course, then she focused on the Director, but maybe with it not being an immediate thing to pursue, I can get her to breathe more."
He nodded. "Warn them she can be a little aggro. Even Choco's mostly seen Carolina from later memories, and when she got to visit Chorus. A lot less wound up. But I think I can get her braced so she doesn't do anything that's upsetting." He sighed, burrowing against Macaque. He knows the kids are strong. They can take someone having a crisis. Doesn't mean he wants them to if its avoidable.
"Please."
Re: Evening After Carolina Arrives
"It's not all on you to make sure it goes well between her and the kids," Macaque says, equally gentle. "They can forgive a lot, especially if told that someone is used to tech and not... all this. And it's also on her to roll with things and be a person, not a hardass soldier." And after meeting her, Macaque has faith that she can.
"I'm not saying there's nothing to worry about, but I am saying not to take all the pressure on yourself. Nothing is served by that, especially any of them."
Re: Evening After Carolina Arrives
He sighs, letting himself relax against Macaque as he hit those points.
"Yeah, stopping the hardass soldier is the hard part," Wash said. "I get it. I had that problem too. Its just figuring out where she's at to best help her unwind so things go well," he said. "I love her a lot. Even if she's still in the not sure how much she trusts me stage. I want them to be able to get along. I know Choco would be really sad if they couldn't, she had such a crush on her."
Re: Evening After Carolina Arrives
Macaque keeps working on helping Wash relax, perhaps avoid a horrible migraine.
"No one understands being shoved into a crazy world where you don't know what's going on more than Choco. She'll be okay even if there's some bumps in the road. If she can deal with the whole thing with Max, she can deal with Carolina." He can't help but smile. "Her having a crush on Carolina is cute as hell, though."
Re: Evening After Carolina Arrives
There is a pause.
"I'll need to sit on just how much I got from Epsilon for a while. She's not ready to hear any of that." That could go so bad so fast.
"I know. Still don't want her to if I can avoid it. She deserves a break," he said with a sigh. "And it was adorable. She didn't even realize it was a crush."
Re: Evening After Carolina Arrives
--Ah, Epsilon. Macaque sighs too. "You're juggling a lot and she only just found you." That's so much to be balancing, so many plates to spin.
"If anyone can understand wanting to protect Choco, it's me. But you also know how she gets about wanting to know the truth of things. She might be hurt by Carolina being averse to magic and giant pigeon wings, but she'll also be hurt if she finds out that you didn't tell her. Not least because she won't want you to be fretting."
He continues working on Wash's acupressure points, all down his spine. "I'm not saying rush it. I am saying that she'll understand if you tell her that Carolina is here but you're not ready for them to meet just yet, that you have some things to bring her up to date on. Choco will want to support you, and she'll understand a brief delay as long as she knows it's not forever." He can't imagine that Choco wouldn't respect Wash saying that he needs a little time.
Re: Evening After Carolina Arrives
Wash chuckled. "Not the first time. North and Theta was worse. Alpha was also pretty bad, but at least he was aware of the situation where I got him killed," he said. "Carolina, at least, is not a dead friend." This is not his first rodeo. Just also the worse.
"I'm not going to hide it. That's why portal. I can't be hiding it if I don't see her," he said and snuggles closer. "I'll tell her tomorrow. When I see her. Soon. Just not today. I know she wants me to tell her, she was already real mad when I hid knowing her in the Forest because I didn't want to overwhelm her. Learned my lesson."
There is another deep seated groan. "I know. Choco's great. Understanding. I just also have to tell her she can't see Carolina yet and she will be so excited to. You ever tell her no when she's excited? Like kicking a puppy."
Re: Evening After Carolina Arrives
"It's reasonable to give yourself a day." He needs a whole minute to process all this, figure out how he wants to handle it, and prepare himself to proverbially kick a puppy.
"Don't think of it as telling her no. Think of it as telling her "not yet." She might get excited, and she might be a little disappointed, but in the long run it'll be fine. But I can understand that it's one more thing that is hard to deal with." Especially when this sort of thing can loom so large in one's head.
"What can I do? Other than provide reassurances that I'm sure you already thought of."
Re: Evening After Carolina Arrives
She would also trust him more.
"Let me relax here," he said. "Let's me breathe, and unwind and kind of deal with the fact my best friend doesn't remember me as hers, which really sucks, and you rolled with me trolling and calling you babe, so I just want to stay here a while."
Re: Evening After Carolina Arrives
"You're always welcome here." That actually is simple, thankfully. At least that's one thing. "I can't help much with the rest, but I'll always roll with your trolling. It's cute." And look, who would he be if he couldn't embrace trolling?
He pulls Wash a bit closer and nuzzles his head. "I've got you."
Re: Evening After Carolina Arrives
He nuzzles against his neck. "I can never say how much having a place like this means to me, you do so much." One day, he'll get Mavaque to understand.
"The trolling was fun. Should do it more."
Re: Evening After Carolina Arrives
He shivers just lightly when Wash touches his ears in a way that Wash definitely shouldn't find surprising at this point.
"I believe you. I do." Wash is a great liar but he wouldn't lie about that. "At least most of me does most of the time, which as good as you're gonna get right now." It's not bad as track records go.
"You should. You deserve to have fun."
Re: Evening After Carolina Arrives
"Fair enough," he said. "Just wanted you to know. I don't need a soldier, I just need a friend."
He hummed. "I absolutely do. We should go on another date soon. With more casual wear. Choco and I have bought shirts."
Re: Evening After Carolina Arrives
"I'm clear on what you need from me, Wash. I may not have every bit of confidence that I'll do it will but I can read a room." He sounds amused, and then kisses Wash's temple again.
And then a chuckle. "I suppose that wardrobe would be fitting for a picnic. And a trip to the smoothie bar you like."
Re: Evening After Carolina Arrives
He kisses over his pulse. "Good to hear. I think you're doing fantastic."
"It is a good smoothie bar. What did you think? The banana might have been too sweet, but I made sure they didn't add anything to the mango."
Re: Evening After Carolina Arrives
He chuckles. "When did you fight MK's clone? Also yeah, not even I can beat MK if he doesn't hold back. In fact, all my mates can wipe the floor with me if they really try, if you account for the Samadhi fire. Not that I think Red would break it out casually." Macaque is pretty powerful but there's still a scale.
Macaque can't help but smile at being told he's doing a decent job of this. "Well... good. I'm glad. If I can be half as helpful as you've been to me, I'll consider it a victory."
He hums in thought. "The banana smelled fine to me. I don't mind sweet as long as it's not artificial-sweet. The mango was great as usual." He kisses Wash's cheek in return. "I keep meaning to try the strawberry one you and Choco like so much. Or some combos."
Re: Evening After Carolina Arrives
"When he was possessed. Some art one, I guess? Managed to point out his symmetry was all wrong with the marks he left on the armor, threw him right off," he said. "But yeah, oneshot moves shouldn't be counted for power scaling. There's a reason you don't make scales with outliers."
"Hm, you have been more than half," he said. At least he thinks so.
He nuzzles his neck more, smiling a bit at the kiss. "Strawberry and banana is really good. I was just in a hurry because I thought I was going to have to menace some gang members stalking me." The reason his heart had picked up so sharply was because he didn't know Carolina had gotten close. He'd known someone was watching him, he hadn't expected that so suddenly.
Re: Evening After Carolina Arrives
"Ah, the art one is pretty basic as far as combat goes. MK himself is way harder to beat, especially if he shifts and with all the fancy new spell circles. He put handcuffs on me that even I couldn't break out of without my shadows. Whatever I missed back home it seems to be a lot." A whole training arc, or something.
Macaque purrs a bit upon hearing that he's been helpful. He wants nothing more than to be someone the people he cares about can rely on, in whatever capacity.
"You'll have to tell me what you like other than fruit if I'm helping make a picnic. I've gotten pretty great at foods from my home country if you like Chinese food. And of course I'll make something sickly sweet for you too. Ever had Peking toffee apples?"
Re: Evening After Carolina Arrives
When he says her reaction speed is insane, he means it. The mod made her run as fast as a speeding car.
"I imagine he would have been a lot harder if he wasn't mind controlled. You might get someone whose more ruthless while mind controlled, which can make them more dangerous, but they're also a lot easier to outmaneuver. Easier to lead where you're want." He's had to deal with it a lot. "A ruthless puppet will never match what a person could do going all out on their own."
"Its been years since I had real Chinese food other than what you guys have made," he said. He hummed "Meena had a recipe from her grandparents...it was this dumpling thing with sauce or broth in it? It was...xiao....lang? Long? Bao?" He frowned, fingers carding through his fur. "She had a couple of those, but its a lot harder to remember what those are, I was a teenager." Which was before his memory got freakishly good.
Re: Evening After Carolina Arrives
Mind controlled MK is absolutely petrifying, as they learned with the Relius thing. "Yeah, well. I still got myself impaled, so. But I guess that was more because I thought I was seeing some sun peek through the mind control clouds."
Macaque nods. "Xiao long bao, soup dumplings. I can make those. See if what I make lives up to your memory."
Re: Evening After Carolina Arrives
"Oh, its still dangerous. Its just anyone who goes on how taking away a person's ability to feel bad makes them their strongest selves is just kind of an idiot. Being a puppet always hamstrings their ability, and once you can account for their raw power, they're always going to go down fast. Its just MK has a stupid amount of raw power to account for," he said.
"It might. It has been a few decades. I hadn't actually gotten the nerve to write a letter home yet," he said. "Preeeetty sure they were told I was dead early on in Freelancer."
Re: Evening After Carolina Arrives
A wince. "The project was just the worst in so many ways."
Re: Evening After Carolina Arrives
"To be fair, that's just secret organization bullshit too."
Re: Evening After Carolina Arrives
"Secret organizations can be bullshit but also less bullshit than that."
Re: Evening After Carolina Arrives
"Hmm, sometimes. Other times....eh. I mean, there was a decent chance all us agents would just go straight mad," he said.
"Soooo. Want to talk about that pause or no?"
Re: Evening After Carolina Arrives
Re: Evening After Carolina Arrives
Re: Evening After Carolina Arrives
Re: Evening After Carolina Arrives
Re: Evening After Carolina Arrives
Re: Evening After Carolina Arrives
Re: Evening After Carolina Arrives
Re: Evening After Carolina Arrives
Re: Evening After Carolina Arrives
Re: Evening After Carolina Arrives
Re: Evening After Carolina Arrives
Re: Evening After Carolina Arrives
Re: Evening After Carolina Arrives
Re: Evening After Carolina Arrives
Re: Evening After Carolina Arrives
Re: Evening After Carolina Arrives
Re: Evening After Carolina Arrives
Re: Evening After Carolina Arrives
Re: Evening After Carolina Arrives