Seasons Inbox

[castaside]

Leave a message for MacaqueYou know how this works.

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Text - UN: MonkieMan

[noodleboi]

It's Candid. I know it's been a while. Too long, honestly. I was hoping we could talk. Face to face. If you have time.

Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan

[castaside]

We can talk. Now?

Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan

[noodleboi]

Now works. Do you want me to come to you? I borrowed the original's phone and am just sitting in a park right now.

Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan

[castaside]

A park sounds nice. I'll come to you.

A few moments later, a portal opens and Macaque steps out. After a few beats of hesitation, he sits down beside Candid.

"Hey. How are you?"

Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan

[noodleboi]

Candid waits for Macaque to arrive. He smiles a little at Macaque. He is happy to see him. He turns off the phone as Macaque sits next to him.

"I'm okay. Better than I was. You?"

Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan

[castaside]

Macaque doesn't smile, but he doesn't look angry.

"Also better than I was." He's figured out some things. "What did you want to say?"

Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan

[noodleboi]

The lack of a smile makes sense.

"To start I'm sorry. Because I wasn't fully open last time we spoke. I wasn't ready to talk about it all. And I want to explain things. If you want to listen. I want to be open the way you deserved before."

Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan

[castaside]

Macaque nods, just once.

"I'll listen to what you have to say." And he'll go from there. He can acknowledge that Candid wasn't ready before. The question is whether he's ready now.

Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan

[noodleboi]

"Thank you," Candid says. He wants to say he doesn't deserve that but right now that won't be productive. Macaque shouldn't be comforting him in this. He needs to be forward, honest, but not try and center himself. Thank you Sunset and honestly everyone else after that whole Korone mess.

"I hurt you and I hurt Cole, Wukong, Red Son, Saya, Kantera, and everyone else. I convinced myself what I was doing was okay and for the greater good. Because I convinced myself you could like me more than MK which isn't a thing that is going to happen. I hurt you all while saying I was trying to save you. When I was really just taking out my resentment on the original on him. To erase him and replace him with me. Because I was sure I was so much better than him for all of you when clearly, I'm not. When we talked, I didn't open up about how I felt or we felt about some things."

Candid takes a breath. "We being me and the original since I...was definitely using those feelings of being expendable as another excuse to justify my actions. I wanted you all to myself when it comes to the original and me. And that is wrong. That's where I wanted to start..."

Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan

[castaside]

Hm. So far, Macaque isn't sure what to think. Candid is clearly being honest but that's all so generic.

"And how could you think I was so fickle and cold, that I could give up my mate and substitute someone else?"

Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan

[noodleboi]

Candid was worried that opening part that he practiced would come off as generic or rehearsed but he was worried more about not practicing it.

"I didn't think of it like that. I thought you would see if like I did. That I was improving Mk by making me the main personality. I thought I could make you happier than he could. And I convinced myself there was a chance at it. That you would forgive anything I did because I was doing it to make things better. Because you all loved MK so much, since I would be MK, you'd all just love me."

Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan

[castaside]

"Loving you wasn't the issue. Or did you think that the way I loved you wasn't enough for you?"

That's the crux of it, really. Candid thinking that the way things were wasn't enough.

Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan

[noodleboi]

"I think it was a mix of it wasn't enough for me and I thought the original didn't love you the right way. Or love you enough to not mess up. I like how you made me feel when you said I had a point and made me feel like a whole person. And I wanted that all to myself."

Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan

[castaside]

"I see. And so I can assume it wouldn't be enough for you now?"

There's a beat, but then he goes on.

"I've learned that I have a right to ask things of my partners. And I might still struggle with it, but I know that to be with anyone, what I can give would have to be enough for them."

If Candid is saying that it's not, then this will be a quick conversation.

Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan

[noodleboi]

Candid is quiet and a little stunned by the question. It is a fair question, given what he admitted. Yet he didn't expect it. It takes his brain a moment to catch up with the rest of the words. Maybe this would be easier if he had the updated memories from the original. Memories of how things have gone since the Heart Game but he doesn't. He is very much on his own here.

"A drop of your love and affection should be enough for me. Would it be or not be enough for me now? I want to say yes. But I don't know if those feelings would come back or not. I'm still working through them and this whole idea of being my own person. But like you said, you have the right to ask things of your partners. And that means you have the right to say if something would be too much to take on now or ever. And I did a lot of damage. So much damage."

Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan

[castaside]

"And what would you do if those feelings came back? You can't help how you feel, but you can help what you do about it."

Macaque can't afford another repeat of last time. It might not be worth the risk.

Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan

[noodleboi]

"If they did, I'd talk to my therapist. I'd say something to you or Red Son so I could have an eye kept on me. Or Wukong maybe. He wouldn't hesitate to pop me if needed. Just not keep it bottled up again. I did that last time and things went from bad to a shit show," Candid said, running a hand through his hair.

"Beyond that, I'd try to work through it. In a way that doesn't result in attempted destruction of the original. At least, if I can help it."

Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan

[castaside]

At least there's a plan. It's hard to ask for more than that.

"So what is it you want? With me specifically." This question is softer than the ones before it.

Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan

[noodleboi]

Candid is quiet for a moment. It is a softer question. Does he know what he wants with Macaque? Of course he does. But is he ready to try and get what he wants?

"I want to leave the door open. If that's even still possible. Because, if I go down this whole becoming my own person path, then I'm going to change. I'm not the same Candid I was before and I don't even know if I'll keep that name if I do this. And if I change a lot, I don't know where I'll be or you'll be when I get there. And I want you around while I figure it out. Because I miss you. What I want, the most, is for you to be happy and for you to be in my life. And if things can become like they were before, I'd really really like that but if they can't, I'd still really really like to be able to see you and talk to you and just be around you."

Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan

[castaside]

Macaque sits for a second and thinks about how many second chances (and more than second) he's been given.

"It's still possible. Not yet, but I won't close the door. We can see where things go, as long as it's clear that I can't afford to be in unhealthy relationships where there's lies going on. I can deal with a lot more as long as it's out in the open."

Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan

[noodleboi]

Candid feels selfish asking for the door to stay open. He needs something to work toward. He will make sure to bring this up with Sunset Shimmer too. Get her input on that. He misses Macaque so much. There being a sliver of a chance is something that Candid is clinging to.

"Thank you. ...I am sorry for using you to justify me doing something horrible. I warped myself around feeling good with you and used it and this expendable idea to think it would all work out. That I was doing a good thing when it was something terrible. I never should have thought about it but I did. And I didn't think of how you and all of the others would actually feel if I succeeded. Not really. I will be honest. I will try to actually live up to my current name better moving forward. Actually be candid."

Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan

[castaside]

"I believe that you're sorry. I'm not quite ready to accept your apology yet, because that depends on what you do. Actions speak louder than words and all that. And if I find out that you lied to me again, well, that's all I'll need to know."

"But people gave me the benefit of the doubt, a chance to prove that I could be better, and I'd be a hypocrite if I didn't give that to you. And by people, I mean MK. I wouldn't be who I am now without him. So you have him to thank for that."

Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan

[noodleboi]

Candid is quiet. It's fair that Macaque isn't ready to accept his apology yet. Not after everything. He has to show he means it, show he is going to do better. Still, his mind turns to sour thoughts when MK is brought up. Did MK really play such a big part in Macaque being who he is today? A part of Candid instantly wants to reject the idea but Macaque isn't going to be dishonest about that.

"Okay. I'll talk to him. I'll try to thank him. Next time we have therapy together."

Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan

[castaside]

Macaque can sense Candid's discomfort with the topic. All the more reason it needs to be discussed.

"Good. Because in listing all the people you hurt, you forgot the most important one, and that's MK himself. Of things are going to work between us, I think that's a very good place to start. I couldn't be with someone who was bitter towards my mate." He has to have priorities and that's a big one.

"I still care about you, Candid. I know you have had reasons to be bitter in the past. So whether things will work with you and me depends on how well you can turn that bitterness into respect."

Re: Text - UN: MonkieMan

[noodleboi]

The most important. MK, his mate. The words are heavy in his head and his chest. Candid doesn't quite feel like they hurt so much as remind him of reality. Ground him in a way that feels almost oppressive. Things he knew, somewhere in his mind, and chose to ignore and forget.

MK is important. The most important. The favorite. And he thought he could replace him.

And he hurt Macaque's favorite person because of it.

"Okay. Respect. ...I will work on that. Bitterness into respect. That feels doable. Not like immediately but doable." Because liking MK? That feels impossible in a way that definitely needs a long discussion or five in therapy to even begin to unpack.

Respect? That feels so much easier.