castaside | [Heart Game] From the ashes we can build

The anxiety was familiar. It always was but then that trust hits. It's like aloe on a sunburn. It cooled and let MK feel grounded. He hugged and keychain.

"I will. I won't let you down. I swear." He whispered to the keychain and the lobby itself. He slipped it into the bag. They weren't kidding when they said everything had memories. Everything meant everything. Well, better to learn that here. Next thing.

The candy. He grabbed that next.

The candy smells like fresh cherries, the ones that are a perfect mix of sweet and sour. They somehow smell like comfort, like grounding, like coming back to yourself after a dream of being someone else and breathing a sigh of relief that you're home and safe.

They feel like Macaque wrapping you in a big hug and telling you that it's going to be okay. There are ten of them but you'll find that no matter how many you eat, there are always ten. Eat them as often as you need comfort.

Macaque, did you have to leave him these love bombs? He popped a candy into his mouth and sucked on it. The comfort felt good. He sniffled and wiped his eyes. Those go right into his pocket. Those he wanted close. Next, the grass. He gently picked it up so it wouldn't come undone.

The love bombs are preparation for the other sorts of bombs that lay ahead. This lobby is a product of his meditations, his desire to protect everyone who entered into this endeavor. The feelings can't last, but he's done all he can to provide some anchor to cling to when the tide turns.

You are the Six-Eared Macaque, sitting in the grass in Red Son's backyard, blooming flowers all around. Beside you is MK, and you idly weave a few strands of tall, decorative grass together as he talks. His mood is serious, and you are frustrated by the void where your feelings should be. You can't read him, you can't understand what the little cues he's projecting mean. His tone of voice, his posture, his eyeline, these should all be telling you something--

He's setting a boundary. He wants to be friends. Well... sure. Aren't you friends? You're more confused than ever. You can feel yourself trying to feel something about what he's saying, but you can't let it happen. You try to breathe and stay centered.

MK tells you that he wants to be only friends. So he means no hookups? Weird, given how much he wanted them, but okay...

No romance, he says, and your stomach drops. All the centering in the world can't stop your soul from sending little sharp slivers of shrapnel all around as you try and fail to feel something, anything about this, because you've failed him, let him down, how could you miss this--

He notices you bleeding. You try to apologize anyway; so inadequate. So unworthy.

MK tells you to go inside, and you say you're sorry. You hear him whisper that he's sorry too -- for what, you can't fathom -- and that he forgives you. You walk into the house, breathing deeply.

You head for the bathroom in Red's bedroom, needing to get the blood off your face before anyone sees. You turn on the shower; no one should be too alarmed by that, you've been taking showers left and right since you feel gross without your shadow magic to keep you clean and with the minor, constant bleeds.

You want to get the blood off, but you refuse to look in the mirror. To look yourself in the eye. What would you see if you tried? Someone who is selfish in ways large and small, who destroys the people he claims to care about for stupid reasons, who ignores and misunderstands their feelings--

You picture MK sitting in the grass. You can still hear his heartbeat as he tries to find equilibrium again after your talk. You want to go back out there, try again... you'll probably make things even worse.

You don't go back out. But you do retch up what feels like everything you've eaten in the last three days.

Everything felt off. The lack of emotions. He couldn't read himself in the memory. He knew what he was feeling but to see it through Macaque's eyes. The block was so strong he couldn't tell anything. It was like the Monkie Kid was an absolute mystery to Macaque. Until the shock came. That familiar terrible feeling of failing someone you care so much about. Letting them down because you didn't know. The same way MK felt every time he looked at Macaque.

The blood, the gross feeling, the refusal to look in the mirror was heartbreaking. MK felt his head swim and he fell over the desk. He gripped the top as he dry heaved with the memory. He coughed and shook as the tears welled up in his eyes. The memory ended and MK's legs were threatening to give out under him. He quickly reached to touch the candies. He didn't eat one. He just held it, trying to chase the stomach spasms away.

"We...we are...gonna work on understanding each other. We will. When this is all over," He whispered to Macaque's soul. He took a few more deep breathes before he placed the grass in the bag. He wasn't done yet.

Game controller next.

Because you are always facing your shadow in this space, MK throwing himself over the desk puts him and his shadow face to face. The shadow's fingers curl around MK's hands, and the shadow's shoulders lift and lower like it's sighing.

The candy helps. You feel comforted and safe. It can't erase the memory, but it does soothe you somewhat. The smell helps your churning stomach. You touch the game controller--

You are Macaque, and you are hiding. Peng has been searching for you, and you can feel their eyes everywhere. Can't chance sticking your neck out, at least not for any reason but one.

You can guess what MK is going through. You saw it in the past when he'd torment himself with what he couldn't fix, at least not right away. And with Wukong stuck in the scroll, he'll need help. His family and friends are well-meaning, but they're on their own journeys right now, which are not the same as MK's.

You could help. You could show up and proverbially smack the kid into action, but despite how much you loathe pulling your punches, that option feels bad. You picture MK's kicked puppy expression and you don't like it.

You turn and look at the stack of books you pilfered from a store in dribs and drabs. Nothing like being stuck in hiding to give you an excuse to catch up on the technological advances you missed.

It gives you an idea. You can teach MK what he needs to know, but you could also be kind about it. For whatever reason, the softness makes you feel good instead of the opposite, just this once. You smile, and grab a book on coding video games.

MK tried to hold the shadow's hand back. He smiled a little at the shadow. He felt the waves. Peng. Peng sucked and smelled bad. Gross. He couldn't help but smile wider at the feelings and the idea. Oh that game. At the time, he was so mad at it. So angry he couldn't find the right answer. The art and voice acting was hilarious, thinking back. Macaque sure worked hard on it.

He hugged the controller to his chest.

"Seriously. That game...heh. Next time, make a game I can win. Will ya?" He put the controller in the bag. Welp. Time for the plushie. He touched the Sun.

"I'm pretty sure this one's gonna hurt."

Look, it's not his fault that he's not good at everything like Wukong. The shadow looks amused though, and grips MK's hand. It's a promise.

You are Macaque and you are curled up with MK in a field of swaying grass, under a warm sun. You feel unusually good, but it's not all the fairy dust; it's that spending time with MK makes you happy. Being able to be close makes you happy... even if MK is acting a little cagey, claiming he doesn't want to push so he's not going to want anything from you.

You groom each other and you talk. Really talk. You open up about how special MK is to you, worth the risk of opening yourself up, even if that's difficult. You find yourself wondering why it can't be like this all the time. Because MK really is special to you, even if he seems not to believe it--

He wouldn't believe the truth any more: MK isn't just special to you, you love him. He's so precious to you, more than anyone else. But it almost seems like he doesn't want to hear that, so you don't say it.

He says he's attracted to you, and you hear yourself blathering on about Wukong and complications, even though right now it doesn't feel complicated. You wonder if perhaps you're overthinking, overfeeling, since the very last thing you want to do is hurt MK or make him pay for someone else's... not mistakes, exactly, just associations that ping some feelings that are overwhelming in all sorts of ways. It's not his fault, and he's being extremely kind about the fact that he's paying for it regardless.

Are you being too careful? Not careful enough? Everything feels precarious, like you're going to mess it all up if you move a hair too far in any direction. You already messed everything up once, and it was the biggest regret of your life, if you lost MK by making the wrong decision...

MK says he'll be patient with you, and you swallow past a sudden lump in your throat. It means so much that he's willing to give so much when by all rights he should tell you to get your shit straight and then talk to him. But he never does. He's too good for you, and you have no idea what to do about that.

But maybe you should give him a little of what he's looking for. Maybe he'd like that. You'd sure like that. Even if it might be fleeting because of your stupid bullshit issues.

The yo-yoing of emotions was heartwarming, soul crushing, and yet uplifting all at the same time. MK had been trying to build walls, create boundaries, and protect him. Macaque's memories and feelings came in like a wrecking ball and shattered them. MK fell to his knees and then onto his side. He curled around the plushie sun. He clung to it and sniffled. He was so happy, he was crying already. To feel that love was like a kick right to his heart. A good kick. An awesome shadow monkey flying kick of love. He reached out to take the hand of his shadow again.

He smiled, despite the tears.

MK slipped the plush into his pocket instead of the bag. Love and comfort. He had the hoodie for the dangerous blows. He had these for the emotional ones.

The shadow seems to catch MK and hold him as he curls up on the floor. Meditation can be a grounding experience, it helps you clarify what's important. And MK is important to Macaque, so much that he had to make that clear in every way he's failed to do thus far.

The shadow will keep wrapped around MK until he sees fit to get up.

MK had two items lift. He stayed in the shadow's hold for a little longer. He sat up slowly and reached for the lantern. The scorecard could go last.

"Alright. ...I can guess what this one is about," MK touched the lantern.

You are Macaque, and you feel like you're about to die again. The Lady Bone Demon and her creepy little minion are holding your arms fast and shoving you into one of her spell circles, and you feel the ice biting into you.

She gives you two options: compliance, or nonexistence.

--Or I will erase the very memory of you.

She reminds you of how Wukong killed you, tossed you away, as if that matters now. (And yet it does, nothing matters more.) Twisting the knife as she is so wont to do. As if you needed more convincing than "do it, or you're toast."

What else can you do? You agree. You don't want her to win, hence your defiance, but you can do more for the world alive than you can dead. You just have to make it look like you're really after the Monkie Kid, Wukong's new protégé, your replacement. And everyone will believe it too, because why wouldn't they? You've tried it before. You're Wukong's shadow, you have no other identity to any of them. Maybe not to yourself, anymore.

Part of you can't help but wonder how the poor kiddo's going to get out of this one, because this is going to need to look convincing.

That was not what he expected. Not at all. He was terrified at first. Falling into the magic circle, feeling the cold chains, and being pushed into the circle. He felt his heart racing. Replacement? No. That wasn't true. He couldn't replace Macaque. He was sure he never could. Not really. Still, he knew the feelings were Macaque's and he could feel anyway he did. It was what he truly felt. It hurt because he didn't want to hurt Macaque like that.

He snapped back to himself and had to take a moment. He focused on his breathing and popped a candy into his mouth. He let it soften and he broke it with his teeth. Once he swallowed it, he reached out and took the scorecard.

Last one.

You're Macaque, and you think that punishing MK might be your new favorite hobby.

He had it coming, after all. Posting you to Hot or Not like that. At least he gave you a perfect score, that was nice... but still, who even are you if you let this go unanswered? Particularly when you managed to fluster him with thoughts of your shadows holding him down.

You hold his arms and legs and waist down and demand that he give you a second perfect score. He thinks he can refuse, mess with you right back. Poor guy, he has no idea what he's in for.

Full disclosure, neither do you. Physically, sure, you're experienced enough to make a big, impressive mess of anyone. But emotionally...

Well, that's more of a challenge. But right now, with MK held against the wall and at your mercy, it's one that will have to wait. Things aren't as one-sided as they seem, though, you definitely know that. MK has always had your number when it comes to making you beg for mercy when it comes to your feelings.

If you can return the favor in some small way, here and now, that seems worth doing.

Mk shivered as the memory played out. Oh. Oh that memory. Of course there had to be one memory like THAT in here. Feeling it from the other end was thrilling. It was exciting and that was a bit of a problem. They didn't have time for cold showers. It also just decimated any parts of that boundary and wall he was trying to build. Macaque, you rock at just demolishing Mk's barriers and guards.

You suck because of it. He looked at the shadow.

"That...that's not fair," He said and slipped it into the bad. Mk wouldn't say it out loud but Macaque was still a ten. Dammit.

"I wish I had a drink right now," MK mumbled as he stood up. He headed for the cubbies next. Might as well see what else was over there. He also looked around to check and see if anyone needed him with all these item memories right now.

Wait, he knows that face.

"Noodle Boy?" Red Son said, raising an eyebrow. "Are you...doing all right?"

MK's back went rigid. Oh snap. He laughed nervously as a sweat drop appeared on his forehead. Don't be obvious. Don't be awkward.

"Yeeeeaaaah! I'm fine! Fine! How are you? Need grounding help? We can make out!" Nailed it.

Red Son stared at MK for several moments.

Raises an eyebrow. A pointed look.

....he supposed since everyone knew it was gonna be a thing ANYWAY. "I suppose I could use a little grounding," he said.

See how much he loves you, MK? See the mercy he shows?

Mk knew his demon bull prince was merciful and kind. Sometimes. When he really needed it. Mk knew he'd be menaced later. And he would menace in return. Right now? He appreciated that mercy so much. Even with the pointed look.

MK walked over, wrapped his arms around Red Son, and kissed him. He just tried to not think about making out with Red Son inside Macaque's soul. Yeah. Best to not focus on that part.

Red Son wraps an arm around his shoulders and kisses him back.

Pointedly presses close to him, because if he was going to kiss MK for his benefit, he still wanted to know how much he was affected and enjoy it. His hand lightly running through his hair at the base of his skull.

Re: Lobby

Re: Lobby

Re: Lobby

cw: vomit

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Perfect place to threadjack here

Re: Perfect place to threadjack here

Re: Perfect place to threadjack here

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ADULT SUPERVISION NEEDED

Re: ADULT SUPERVISION NEEDED