castaside | [Heart Game] From the ashes we can build

With everyone seated in a circle, Red Son casts his spell--

There's a flash of deep purple light just as your eyes close, and you wake up on the ground.

You have all the items you had on you when the spell was cast, and your abilities seem to be working. They may not work correctly in all places, however. Things go awry in heart games. The one exception is that neither Wukong nor MK have their staff.

You're in what appears to be a hotel lobby if one stuck it in the middle of a jungle. The night sky is starless and a bright full moon watches over you. Instead of walls, thick trees surround the lobby space, though the tree canopy isn't too thick to allow the moon's light to shine through. You can hear all sorts of animal life: cicadas, frogs gently singing, the chirp of insects... and monkeys. Every now and then there's a rustle in the trees and a faceless monkey made of pure shadows will peek out at you, curious little buggers that they are.

As expected, there are shadows here. You feel watched over, safe, comforted. No matter which way you face, your shadow is always in front of you.

On the North end of the area, there is an elevator, closed at present. Between you and that there are six desks set up, each with wood that is an inky purple which appears to be natural wood rather than a stain, and each with a symbol hovering over it:

On each desk there is a scattering of random objects. There is also a single drawer.

To the West, an alcove marked "Supplies". To the East and South, only lush flora and fauna. There is a single light blue crack in the ground near the treeline to the East, easily avoided. It vanishes off into the trees.

There are no buttons beside the elevator to call it. Instead, hovering beside it where a wall would be are six -- voids? They're a colorless grey, wavering, spots of unstable, flickering nothingness. Above each one is a symbol corresponding to the ones on the desks.

Every now and then there's a little boom and the place trembles a little, like a miniature bomb hit the "room". You see nothing in the night sky, no visual indications of anything, just now and then a rumble and a small tremor.

Edited 2024-03-05 16:50 (UTC)

MK was in his new orange cat hoodie. That came with him. Good. Though something else didn't. He reached for the staff and found his ear empty. No staff. It was just gone. He checked all of him to see if it just got moved. Not in his pockets, not in his hair, not in his shoes. The shadow scarf was still in his hoodie pocket at least. The staff? Gone. Okay. No staff. Again. He could deal with this. Sure, he felt naked without it but hey! Everyone was vulnerable right now so it just added to it.

MK took in the odd jungle lobby they found themselves in. His eyes were drawn to the desks. Like school. Though as he approached the light blue crack caught his eyes. He stared at it for a moment. It wasn't moving and it was over there. Okay. No danger. No ice. Just Epsilon.

"...Still hate that color blue," MK mumbled as he moved to the desk with the bandana over it. He looked at the items and tried to check the drawer.

"Alright, Macaque. What did you leave me?"

Comment here with a blank TL and people can contact you with the devices via text or shadow portal.

[ He may not always be able to hear you, and replies might be more of a feeling than a direct verbal response, but feel free to try. ]

[ AS LONG AS NONE OF THOSE INSECTS ARE FUCKING BEES — ]

[ Korone's quick to get to her feet, patting first her pockets, then her hammerspace hip bag. Items, check. Weapons, check. Pendant, check. Whew. The occasional rumbles and tremors are… less whew, but they're not unexpected.

She looks around, taking stock of her surroundings and Macaque's troop of loved ones. Then she makes her way over to examine the pigeon desk. ]

Not gonna lie, the déjà vu is real.

In the drawer of the desk you find several items: a hammerspace bag; a little blackberry-looking device which has the same symbols as the desks, with two buttons below each symbol: text, or a shadow portal; cherry flavored hard candy which smells shockingly like real cherries, and a little Monkey MK keychain with a flashing number "2" on its tummy. Seems like Macaque meditated you up two monkey mode charges, use them wisely.

On top of the desk are five items:

> A little bundle of long grass that's been loosely woven together
> A handwritten scorecard that says "10/10"
> A plushie sun the size of your palm
> A video game controller
> A small version of Macaque's shadow-stealing lantern

In the drawer of the desk you find several items: a little blackberry-looking device which has the same symbols as the desks, with two buttons below each symbol: text, or a shadow portal; a thermos of really good hot cocoa at the perfect temperature which stays full no matter how much you drink; and a tiny pillow keychain with a little button on it.

On the desk are five items:

> A plushie cupcake
> A miniature and nonfunctional version of Korone's pendant
> A tiny arcade game console
> A miniature ice skate
> A roll of paper that appears to be architectural plans

Oh, wow! Look at all this stuff ... Sensei really has been working hard.

[ She doesn't look in the desk drawer right away, starting instead with the items on the desk. Specifically the paper, which she carefully unrolls. ]

"Oh my Sage. Loooook at how cuuuute I am!" MK's hand went right for the keychain, of course. How could he not?

Edited 2024-03-05 17:39 (UTC)

The architectural plans are for a cathedral with delicate but strong flying buttresses, detailed archways, intricate stained glass windows.

You are the Six-Eared Macaque, shadow portaling into the home that Choco Korone shares with her datemates. Making sure to warn her in advance, because you know she is easily startled, understandably so.

She is wearing a cute eyepatch. You smile when you see her, and you mean it, but the eyepatch makes you remember things you'd rather not. It makes you worry. The pendant around her neck makes you worry. You can't remember worrying this much after someone's welfare in... centuries.

But she still wants to fight your avatar. She's such a strong girl. It makes you proud to be her teacher, and whatever else you are.

Red arrives, and he starts checking her eye, looking over her helmet. Discussing heart games, diving into someone's soul. The very idea makes your chest feel tight, but you focus on the smell of strawberries and the sound of their hearts beating and you can breathe.

While they chatter, you think of scaffolding. Of safety. Of protection. Of all the things you'd give her if you could, but it's better for her to get them for herself. For whatever reason she's willing to accept your help in this. You question your worthiness for this task, but nonetheless it is yours.

You must not fail at it.

The keychain thrums with your power. You feel Macaque's anxiety about giving this to you, but his trust outshines that by far. If you say you can handle it, Macaque believes you. He believes in you, always, no matter what.

"Hope it helps, kiddo. Stay safe."

The anxiety was familiar. It always was but then that trust hits. It's like aloe on a sunburn. It cooled and let MK feel grounded. He hugged and keychain.

"I will. I won't let you down. I swear." He whispered to the keychain and the lobby itself. He slipped it into the bag. They weren't kidding when they said everything had memories. Everything meant everything. Well, better to learn that here. Next thing.

The candy. He grabbed that next.

[ It hits hard. How could it not? Even braced, knowing that a wave was coming, letting it wash through and over her —

There's no way to experience someone else's perspective on you without getting two-by-four'd in the face and heart by feelings. Fuck. Korone closes her eyes and breathes deep. Swallows. And murmurs, ]

Macchan, you are more than worthy of every ounce of faith and trust I've offered you. [ She looks at the paper, and then to the night sky. ] You're worth every stumble and worry. You're worth it all.

Thank you for being there for me, and with me.

[ She rolls it back up just as it had been, sets it down, and brushes her fingers across the ice skate. ]

The candy smells like fresh cherries, the ones that are a perfect mix of sweet and sour. They somehow smell like comfort, like grounding, like coming back to yourself after a dream of being someone else and breathing a sigh of relief that you're home and safe.

They feel like Macaque wrapping you in a big hug and telling you that it's going to be okay. There are ten of them but you'll find that no matter how many you eat, there are always ten. Eat them as often as you need comfort.

Macaque, did you have to leave him these love bombs? He popped a candy into his mouth and sucked on it. The comfort felt good. He sniffled and wiped his eyes. Those go right into his pocket. Those he wanted close. Next, the grass. He gently picked it up so it wouldn't come undone.

There is no direct reply, but the moonlight feels a touch warmer for a long moment.

You are Macaque, and you are escorting Choco through a portal to the ice rink. There is much you want to give her today: a nice time, some exercise. Perhaps a new family member, if all goes well.

Hell, you're actually nervous about suggesting it. It's almost funny; the great Six-Eared Macaque laid low by feelings for a teenager. But that's what being a parent-figure does, or so you've read. Time will reveal the accuracy, or lack thereof, of those particular texts.

Her enthusiasm is infectious. She tugs you to the skate rental desk, works you through the process of getting ready. You're delighted to see what she can do, especially since she seems so thrilled about it. You want to share this good thing with her. You've shared some bad, and there will be more, but this is a moment for good things.

She deserves the world. She deserves far better than you can probably give. But whatever you have to offer, it's hers without needing to even ask.

And so you tell her. Cautiously, and with plenty of space for her to say 'no thanks, I'm all set for a family'. It would be understandable. But her eyes are first wide, then wet as she grabs for your other hand, her voice crumpling as she crashes into your chest, face-first.

Something inside you untwists as your arms slide around her, below her wings of course, and you press a kiss to the top of her head. It's as much an answer as either of you needs.

You hold her, and your eyes sting, and you're now nervous in a different way. A lasting, unfixable way. A constant, low hum of anxiety way, a string of thoughts about all that you lack and how you could possibly be all that she needs, all she deserves. Like the stretch of an under-used muscle, you feel that accomplished sort of sore and you know it will never fade, you will forever be fretting about her health and well-being in ways big and small and at the same time glad of it.

So that's what all those parent-writers were talking about.

The love bombs are preparation for the other sorts of bombs that lay ahead. This lobby is a product of his meditations, his desire to protect everyone who entered into this endeavor. The feelings can't last, but he's done all he can to provide some anchor to cling to when the tide turns.

You are the Six-Eared Macaque, sitting in the grass in Red Son's backyard, blooming flowers all around. Beside you is MK, and you idly weave a few strands of tall, decorative grass together as he talks. His mood is serious, and you are frustrated by the void where your feelings should be. You can't read him, you can't understand what the little cues he's projecting mean. His tone of voice, his posture, his eyeline, these should all be telling you something--

He's setting a boundary. He wants to be friends. Well... sure. Aren't you friends? You're more confused than ever. You can feel yourself trying to feel something about what he's saying, but you can't let it happen. You try to breathe and stay centered.

MK tells you that he wants to be only friends. So he means no hookups? Weird, given how much he wanted them, but okay...

No romance, he says, and your stomach drops. All the centering in the world can't stop your soul from sending little sharp slivers of shrapnel all around as you try and fail to feel something, anything about this, because you've failed him, let him down, how could you miss this--

He notices you bleeding. You try to apologize anyway; so inadequate. So unworthy.

MK tells you to go inside, and you say you're sorry. You hear him whisper that he's sorry too -- for what, you can't fathom -- and that he forgives you. You walk into the house, breathing deeply.

You head for the bathroom in Red's bedroom, needing to get the blood off your face before anyone sees. You turn on the shower; no one should be too alarmed by that, you've been taking showers left and right since you feel gross without your shadow magic to keep you clean and with the minor, constant bleeds.

You want to get the blood off, but you refuse to look in the mirror. To look yourself in the eye. What would you see if you tried? Someone who is selfish in ways large and small, who destroys the people he claims to care about for stupid reasons, who ignores and misunderstands their feelings--

You picture MK sitting in the grass. You can still hear his heartbeat as he tries to find equilibrium again after your talk. You want to go back out there, try again... you'll probably make things even worse.

You don't go back out. But you do retch up what feels like everything you've eaten in the last three days.

Everything felt off. The lack of emotions. He couldn't read himself in the memory. He knew what he was feeling but to see it through Macaque's eyes. The block was so strong he couldn't tell anything. It was like the Monkie Kid was an absolute mystery to Macaque. Until the shock came. That familiar terrible feeling of failing someone you care so much about. Letting them down because you didn't know. The same way MK felt every time he looked at Macaque.

The blood, the gross feeling, the refusal to look in the mirror was heartbreaking. MK felt his head swim and he fell over the desk. He gripped the top as he dry heaved with the memory. He coughed and shook as the tears welled up in his eyes. The memory ended and MK's legs were threatening to give out under him. He quickly reached to touch the candies. He didn't eat one. He just held it, trying to chase the stomach spasms away.

"We...we are...gonna work on understanding each other. We will. When this is all over," He whispered to Macaque's soul. He took a few more deep breathes before he placed the grass in the bag. He wasn't done yet.

Game controller next.

Because you are always facing your shadow in this space, MK throwing himself over the desk puts him and his shadow face to face. The shadow's fingers curl around MK's hands, and the shadow's shoulders lift and lower like it's sighing.

The candy helps. You feel comforted and safe. It can't erase the memory, but it does soothe you somewhat. The smell helps your churning stomach. You touch the game controller--

You are Macaque, and you are hiding. Peng has been searching for you, and you can feel their eyes everywhere. Can't chance sticking your neck out, at least not for any reason but one.

You can guess what MK is going through. You saw it in the past when he'd torment himself with what he couldn't fix, at least not right away. And with Wukong stuck in the scroll, he'll need help. His family and friends are well-meaning, but they're on their own journeys right now, which are not the same as MK's.

You could help. You could show up and proverbially smack the kid into action, but despite how much you loathe pulling your punches, that option feels bad. You picture MK's kicked puppy expression and you don't like it.

You turn and look at the stack of books you pilfered from a store in dribs and drabs. Nothing like being stuck in hiding to give you an excuse to catch up on the technological advances you missed.

It gives you an idea. You can teach MK what he needs to know, but you could also be kind about it. For whatever reason, the softness makes you feel good instead of the opposite, just this once. You smile, and grab a book on coding video games.

MK tried to hold the shadow's hand back. He smiled a little at the shadow. He felt the waves. Peng. Peng sucked and smelled bad. Gross. He couldn't help but smile wider at the feelings and the idea. Oh that game. At the time, he was so mad at it. So angry he couldn't find the right answer. The art and voice acting was hilarious, thinking back. Macaque sure worked hard on it.

He hugged the controller to his chest.

"Seriously. That game...heh. Next time, make a game I can win. Will ya?" He put the controller in the bag. Welp. Time for the plushie. He touched the Sun.

"I'm pretty sure this one's gonna hurt."

[ Hey.

Hey, Macaque?

Jesus Christ Macaque put the steel chair down before you kill her holy fucking shit. ]

[ It takes a minute. She doesn't break down sobbing, not this time, but she's pretty sure the lump in her throat could be classed as a new continent, and oh, the way her eyes burn. So. Yeah. It takes a goddamn minute for her to wrestle back her composure. She sniffs. Blinks hard.

Points at her shadow like she's an Ace Attorney lawyer. ]

You. You are a menace.

[ Sniffs again. Rubs her forearm roughly across her eyes, wiping away tears that haven't quite fallen. She grabs a blank page from her sketchbook and her pencil case from inside her hammerspace bag, and get to work. It won't be a masterpiece. As good an artist as she is, there's no time for that. What it will be is evocative — a loose, colorful sketch, heavy on her blue and his inky purple, of the two of them dancing together on the ice, hand in hand, fast and flying and free.

She finishes it with a message:

"All I need is for us to be ourselves, together.
Love,
🪶子"

Both the feather and the kanji are in her signature shade of blue, and the signature, simple though it may be, took almost as long as the drawing itself. She slips it carefully underneath ice skate, lets out a shuddery breath, shakes out her hands, and moves on to touch the arcade game console. ]

Look, it's not his fault that he's not good at everything like Wukong. The shadow looks amused though, and grips MK's hand. It's a promise.

You are Macaque and you are curled up with MK in a field of swaying grass, under a warm sun. You feel unusually good, but it's not all the fairy dust; it's that spending time with MK makes you happy. Being able to be close makes you happy... even if MK is acting a little cagey, claiming he doesn't want to push so he's not going to want anything from you.

You groom each other and you talk. Really talk. You open up about how special MK is to you, worth the risk of opening yourself up, even if that's difficult. You find yourself wondering why it can't be like this all the time. Because MK really is special to you, even if he seems not to believe it--

He wouldn't believe the truth any more: MK isn't just special to you, you love him. He's so precious to you, more than anyone else. But it almost seems like he doesn't want to hear that, so you don't say it.

He says he's attracted to you, and you hear yourself blathering on about Wukong and complications, even though right now it doesn't feel complicated. You wonder if perhaps you're overthinking, overfeeling, since the very last thing you want to do is hurt MK or make him pay for someone else's... not mistakes, exactly, just associations that ping some feelings that are overwhelming in all sorts of ways. It's not his fault, and he's being extremely kind about the fact that he's paying for it regardless.

Are you being too careful? Not careful enough? Everything feels precarious, like you're going to mess it all up if you move a hair too far in any direction. You already messed everything up once, and it was the biggest regret of your life, if you lost MK by making the wrong decision...

MK says he'll be patient with you, and you swallow past a sudden lump in your throat. It means so much that he's willing to give so much when by all rights he should tell you to get your shit straight and then talk to him. But he never does. He's too good for you, and you have no idea what to do about that.

But maybe you should give him a little of what he's looking for. Maybe he'd like that. You'd sure like that. Even if it might be fleeting because of your stupid bullshit issues.

[He breathes for a few minutes upon arrival. Careful. Careful. Making sure he was right that he could take it.]

[There is the connection, the tethers between them, but]

[Its small enough. He's still him.]

[Good.]

[He adjusts his jacket over the cat hoody because he's aware of his chances against any violent parts of macaque and it was better to have the safety.]

[Then he'll move over to the desk with his symbol on it.]

But he likes this steel chair :<

The shadow smiles a violet smile and shrugs, like he has no idea how that got there. When she places the drawing under the skate, the shadow plucks the paper's shadow and tucks it away as if for safekeeping.

You are Macaque and you are inside the heart of one Choco Korone. You are at the arcade, snooping around in hopes of finding another key, perhaps, something useful, anything. You end up on a box wrapped with caution tape, distaste building in your chest at yet another invasion of privacy as you look at the post-it note attached to it.

"My feelings were my feelings for a reason, weren't they? They were real and they were mine. No matter how big and scary they were ...

... I hoped I'd be grow with them, through them, in time. Even if it took years and years and years, even if it was hard and messy and painful. I hoped I'd be able to make peace with my past on my own terms."

It takes extreme control not to crumple the thing in your shaky grip. Your own mind, full of holes and voids because you couldn't handle your feelings, contrasted with a brave young girl who wants nothing more than to be true to herself. It highlights your selfishness and cowardice with embarrassing intensity, and it fits on a fucking post-it.

You'll never blame Donnie for it, nor even admit that he has responsibility for what went wrong, that is unthinkable. The fault is your own, all of it. You're supposed to be the one he and Korone look up to, and look what you've done.

This is no time or place to break down, but you want to anyway. You want to scream until Korone hears you, tell her that she's braver than you'll ever be, that she deserves better for a teacher and friend. Donnie deserves better. Wukong and MK for damn sure deserved better than to be reduced to a nothingness where feelings used to be.

You give yourself ten seconds to be devastated and ashamed, and then you move on to the next.

[Heart Game] From the ashes we can build

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