castaside | [Heart Game] From the ashes we can build

"Does it? They might be getting nicer rooms?"

"Leaving the memory in the room would be safer than throwing it the void, yeah. Throw acceptance in these and it'll more likely either make acceptance feel like it's on a time limit, have difficulty believing he's accepted, or worse, he views being rejected and failing people is the way to acceptance," Wash said. People have come out more warped than that.

"Leaving a memory here might lead to that, but the memory is movable. It can be altered more easily if there is a mistake. It could also lead to hope that acceptance is possible. Especially since his heart has it kind of baked in to move memories around, it's not as risky as the move might be in other hearts," he said. "I would not leave a lot of memories like that in here though."

"That makes next to no sense." Not no seanse, but he's not seeing the full logic. "I have literally one in mind, since there's a lot of helplessness, feeling unaccepted, and I've got a jealousy snake on my arm. So you pick the memory and I'll do my own thing. Luckily it takes next to no time to regrow a hair."

That said, Wukong plucks one hair from his tail and turns it into a lifelike carving of a little monkey, warm as though it's been left sitting in the sun. He knows the memory that he wants to infuse it with feelings from. The first day they met, the feeling of finally meeting someone actually like him, the excitement of introducing Macaque to his monkey family, and the warm welcome they'd given him. It was a time when all Macaque had needed to do was show up and was welcomed, without a struggle. With any luck, some of that warmth will rub off on the room.

He then places the bowl at the foot of the statue and the monkey next to it.

"Canaan you tell me where you're lost?" Wash asked. "Cause it might be important to understand later." Who knows what might happen and if he really doesn't understand all of it, that isn't a great sign.

Wash looks to the void, considering. And....

It is the worst memory. He knows it is. But that kind of shit is formative, he knows that all too well. But even more importantly, Macaque was still trying his best. Survivors guilt sucks, but he didn't stop and didn't give up.

He licks up the wax, lets out a breath and tossed in Heaven's sick idea of punishment.

With the wax in the void, it closes up.

The monkey statue with the bowl in front of it, at first, does nothing. But after a moment, the warm rooms by a few degrees, and the icicles begin to drip as they melt.

"It's not that I'm lost I just think it's stupid. For everything that is formative there's an exception that proves the rule without contradicting or opposing the experiences and memory that form a pillar. Most of my formative experience that makes me me is basically being born the greatest thing in history. Finding out that I'm also a massive fuck-up hasn't changed that too much, because the things that make it true haven't changed."

Wukong takes a moment to properly pay his respects to the statue before finishing his thought. "And the exceptions to that rule are pretty much the only reason I'm even in here instead of off doing the things I know I'm great at. And Macaque and I are the literal example of opposites complimenting each other, even with our fallout. So the idea that using a memory that is an exception might make things worse more than better just feels stupid."

"Placement is the key here," Wash said. "You may be born great and a massive fuck up, but the chances of those two things being in the same room of your soul? Not very high. This room is a small part of Macaque, it's not all of him. It's like....a boat. The boat uses different material to come together. You need wood for the body and cloth for the sail. But if you put the cloth where the wood should be, you have a sinking boat."

Wash gestured around them. "This room is the negative part of him. Everyone has them. It's just the way of it. Trying to take the bite out of it isn't bad, but the shell of the room is that negativity. Would you want to put negative emotions into the walls of a happy room?"

"Depends on the situation. If the negative emotions were in the same realm as the happy ones then maybe in the case that it could reinforce what made that happiness." Wash isn't really saying anything he hasn't guessed. "Using your analogy for what I'm talking about, this-" He gestures to the monkey. "-doesn't feel like a piece of cloth. The rules say it is, but it would make more sense for it to be extra length to loop the rope securing the support beams."

"And that's why I'm not fighting you on leaving that in the room. Leaving something could be extra rope to act as support or an unfortunate tangled knot causing a short, but those are easier to fix than the means of floating or being able to move forward," Wash said.

There is a pause. "More over," he started, voice more sympathetic. "This is about fixing the damage done to Macaque. The stuff threatening his existence. Not changing him. I know, it's hard to see him hurting. You want to help him, make things better, it's only natural. But it would be taking his agency from him to do it here. While we're repairing the holes in his boat, where the wood and cloth are ruined, our choices should be that space between what isn't absolutely awful, and what is true of Macaque. But leaning far more heavily to the latter than the former."

He gestures to where the void had been. "It's an awful memory, but Macaque is someone who worries if he's good enough to be what people need, but tries anyway. Even when it's a nightmare. Something like that is a big part of him."

He focuses on Wukong. "What is the truest of Macaque is the question to ask for the structure, not what would be the hapiest. Little things left behind that are easy to move, those should be openings so Macaque feels like he has a choice, not like one is already made. The real help beyond shattered soul nonsense has to be out there."

"That also wasn't the point," Wukong said. "Otherwise I would have said no to bad memories in good spaces. My point is that the truest a person is is also supported by the things that don't fall in line but also don't contradict. It's not about changing him, or making things feel better than they are. If that happened, then that's a bonus, if it dampens something happy, well that sucks. I'm not here to decide how he should change, I'm here because for some reason he's trusting me enough to help fix what was broken...even if that help is warming a jealous snake."

His eyes stay fixed on Wash, dead serious and not bothering to follow his gestures. "All I'm saying is that I don't agree with what the game says are what for the materials of what makes a person who they are. I can disagree and still follow the rules. I've been doing it for centuries at this point and I'm definitely the last person that needs to be reminded about not taking someone's agency. So if this room's done, we should head on."

"The rules are Macaque," Wash said simply. "Unless you think Red Son altered his heart while setting this up. Choco and I say Heart Game, but this isn't a game. There is no outside force causing alterations, giving us victory standards or loser punishments. You can hate the rules, but the fact is, they are how Macaque is as a person."

"I'm not saying what you did is wrong, but if we get separated or something like that, then it's good to keep that point in mind. Heart Games are difficult because the answers are never easy and even for all I hate them with a passion, even I get hit with the help where I shouldn't be impulse," he said with a shrug, scratching Macat behind the ear. "They make it easy and tempting."

"Just keep it in mind, what's most true of Macaque," he said, turning for the door. Because OPTIMISTIC doesn't seem to be the Macaque standard when things are bad from Wash has seen.

Edited 2024-03-23 23:03 (UTC)

Wukong decided to just shut up at that point, because he was getting hit full force with the too-familiar feeling of being bad at communication again. Wash was describing a mentality he literally didn't have and wasn't considering in the slightest, since when it came down to it, if filling any slot with a contrasting but supporting memory that would reinforce Macaque despising any of them and therefore the possibility of closing himself off was the most Macaque answer...well he would do it. If he was thinking the way Wash was getting the impression off, the ice shard memory wouldn't have been the first one he used outside of the lobby...because it would just never be used, let alone in such a terribly painful room.

But at this point repeating himself wasn't worth it so into the elevator it was.

When the jumping point from 'room full of pretty exclusively negative feelings' reaches 'put in a positive memory,' that reads as either wanting to counter and lessen the bad or being contrarian. There was no reason Wash could see to decide to put in an opposite memory from Macaque. If there was a mix of more positive emotions involved, then he could see it, but the only real positive bit was saving some of the monkeys and meeting his shadow from the memories he saw.

It really comes across as Wukong just wanting to do what he wants and Wash assumed it was the better reason, mixed with not quite getting the scope of how heart games can be with room assignment. That rooms didn't just function in a void from the others.

Edited 2024-03-23 23:37 (UTC)

Wukong can separate two different issues, especially when the first was phrased more as a joke when he said it. Yes, he would like there to be more positive moments to choose from that are related to the path of helping Macaque, but not just for the sake of fixing the negative. It bothers him because he knows there are more formative memories and experiences Macaque has had. And he knows personally that the suffering and the happier feelings define a lot when it's multiple things that are related. So matching the negative space with similar negativity and positive spaces with similar positivity feels too clean, too reductive. And that feels wrong, even if it's what needs to be done.

He gently strokes the snake under his sleeve. Macaque is trusting him with this, so he's trying to trust his own instincts in turn. He punches the button for the next floor and leans against the wall of the elevator.

People are complicated things, but that is why Macaque has so many rooms, he's sure. The levels, many rooms, it was covering a lot. The complications are from many places working together.

So the best thing was to listen to the room.

Wash leans against the wall, closing his eyes. Breathing as he pets the Makitty, mixed with rubbing over the back of his neck.

[Heart Game] From the ashes we can build

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