[ To say Macaque isn't the least interested in food or drink is an understatement, but Cole went to the trouble, so he picks up the cup and sips at it, tasting none of it. ]
Lost...people like me, have this ability. We can hold people to their word. Sometimes it's malicious. Sometimes it's for protection...it can be any reason really. But it can't just be undone. either the pledge is fulfilled, or it's failed or broken. And if it's broken...something relevant to the pledge happens. I don't decide what that is.
[He picks up the cup and holds it in his hands, breaking eye contact as he gets to the hard part.]
That night we were talking...I wanted to help...I was hoping that if I held you to your word, that when you tried...really tried, the sealing would give you a boost sometimes. And then Wukong lost his memories, and was happy and protective about you...and then I realized the date.
[He's squeezing the cup, to the point that if he wasn't so frail it would be shattered.]
So I knew that must have been the price for breaking your word. And I'm sorry. I...I didn't think for a moment that the price would be...would be that...
[ Okay that's. A lot. Macaque places his teacup down and tries to grapple the implications of what he's hearing. The buzzing that's been a dull drone inside his head since Wukong got this way crescendos and he draws a breath to fight it back. ]
...He asked for time. That's why I didn't do it yet. [ He's not certain why he's starting there. Maybe so Cole doesn't think he just gave his word and then ignored that. ] But I will, as soon as he's back to normal.
It's okay. You didn't know. And you certainly aren't the one that made me hide from that discussion.
I know...and I wanted to tell you when you told me about the lich situation...but I was afraid. Afraid that if I did it would make things worse for the two of you, not that you'd do anything to me.
[He feels tears forming, but refuses to let them out. This isn't about his feelings. It's about being honest with his friend.]
But now I feel like I should have at least warned you. But I keep trying to protect my friends...even though you deserved to know. And I wish I could do more for you than just apologize, Macaque. Because you and MK both have to deal with this. So do Saya and Red Son...but you two are the closest to him.
[Cole only twitches slightly at the movement, finally looking up.]
I hope so.
And that's kind of you to say. But I'm going to try to avoid making that mistake a third time.
And...fair warning. Don't give your word on anything if you know I'm in the room. Not unless you're sure you can keep it. Because, uh...well I don't have to hold you to your word. Sometimes it just happens because of what I am.
It's not kind, it's just true. Even in the least generous of interpretations, it's not you that did this, it was me. I had good intentions when I made that promise, but a lot changed and I found every reason to stall even without him asking me to.
[ A nod. ] I won't, then. Thank you for telling me.
It is kind, because you didn't have to say it. True or not.
Also, if I ever try to coax specific wording out of you without being up front. Something is wrong. Because I'll never willingly offer you another pledge that's not going to benefit you and with have terms clear. I'll give you my word on that.
[ He offers Cole a small smile. A tense smile because the situation is what it is, but Macaque and Wukong's checkered past is hardly Cole's fault or doing. ]
Did you tell MK yet, or do you want me to? I know he might be upset with me either way, and that'd be fair enough, so it's whatever is easier for you.
[Cole sips his tea, catching the tea out the corner of his eye.]
I told him. I also told him that the lich things and Wukong asking for time were part of why you hadn't talked to him. But I told him I wanted to find the words to tell you myself.
[ Macaque tries to predict how pissed MK might be, but he's fried and so gives up fairly quickly. It'll be what it is. ] Thanks for making me seem slightly less awful than the reality.
[Cole snorts quietly, swiping at his eyes with his sleeve as he composes himself.]
You really should give yourself more credit. I've been paying attention to you from the day we met. You've outwardly changed a lot to reflect what you've been telling me.
[Making a choice meant to help someone but causing trouble brings up unpleasant memories.]
It still counts. The reason doesn't matter. You've realized what you want to do and you're taking the steps to work for it. It's not happening overnight for a lot of reasons...but you're trying.
You think far too highly of me. I suppose that outlook is one reason you and MK get along so well. [ Since he has similar ideas about how decent Macaque is. ]
The trying doesn't mean all that much unless I actually do it.
He didn't. It wasn't something he felt the need to I guess. But I'm not thinking about what you did before so much as the change you've shown me.
I'm not saying it doesn't matter, but I'm in no position to judge you for what you did before. I've done terrible things too, even if it wasn't willingly.
Oh trust me, I'm not planning to. But I'm also not going to condemn you for something that I wasn't there for that you feel remorse for.
[Cole's sitting firm on that.]
All I'm asking is that you don't be so hard on yourself with everything that just happened making things harder. If you can ease the blame on me, you deserve the same. That's my thought on the matter.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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What is it? [ AND MORE IMPORTANTLY CAN YOU UNDO IT ]
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[Cole's voice is tired and full of shame.]
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Okay. Give me a second.
[ Portal opens and Macaque enters, you know the drill, except he's looking completely stressed. ]
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I was hoping this might help with the stress a little. That's the blend.
[He sits on the couch and fidgets a little, looking as ashamed as he sounds. But it doesn't take him long to meet Macaque's eyes despite that.]
You...do remember our talk at the masquerade, right? Before we knew it was...us...
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Of course.
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[He picks up the cup and holds it in his hands, breaking eye contact as he gets to the hard part.]
That night we were talking...I wanted to help...I was hoping that if I held you to your word, that when you tried...really tried, the sealing would give you a boost sometimes. And then Wukong lost his memories, and was happy and protective about you...and then I realized the date.
[He's squeezing the cup, to the point that if he wasn't so frail it would be shattered.]
So I knew that must have been the price for breaking your word. And I'm sorry. I...I didn't think for a moment that the price would be...would be that...
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...He asked for time. That's why I didn't do it yet. [ He's not certain why he's starting there. Maybe so Cole doesn't think he just gave his word and then ignored that. ] But I will, as soon as he's back to normal.
It's okay. You didn't know. And you certainly aren't the one that made me hide from that discussion.
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[He feels tears forming, but refuses to let them out. This isn't about his feelings. It's about being honest with his friend.]
But now I feel like I should have at least warned you. But I keep trying to protect my friends...even though you deserved to know. And I wish I could do more for you than just apologize, Macaque. Because you and MK both have to deal with this. So do Saya and Red Son...but you two are the closest to him.
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MK and I are going to be fine. We found a way to reverse the amnesia, so MK will get him back and I'll--
[ Well. ] I'll have that talk with him as soon as he has his memories back. It's time, whether or not we're ready.
You were trying to help. It's no use second guessing what might have been.
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I hope so.
And that's kind of you to say. But I'm going to try to avoid making that mistake a third time.
And...fair warning. Don't give your word on anything if you know I'm in the room. Not unless you're sure you can keep it. Because, uh...well I don't have to hold you to your word. Sometimes it just happens because of what I am.
I usually keep that to myself for safety reasons.
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[ A nod. ] I won't, then. Thank you for telling me.
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Also, if I ever try to coax specific wording out of you without being up front. Something is wrong. Because I'll never willingly offer you another pledge that's not going to benefit you and with have terms clear. I'll give you my word on that.
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[ He offers Cole a small smile. A tense smile because the situation is what it is, but Macaque and Wukong's checkered past is hardly Cole's fault or doing. ]
Did you tell MK yet, or do you want me to? I know he might be upset with me either way, and that'd be fair enough, so it's whatever is easier for you.
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I told him. I also told him that the lich things and Wukong asking for time were part of why you hadn't talked to him. But I told him I wanted to find the words to tell you myself.
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[ Macaque tries to predict how pissed MK might be, but he's fried and so gives up fairly quickly. It'll be what it is. ] Thanks for making me seem slightly less awful than the reality.
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You really should give yourself more credit. I've been paying attention to you from the day we met. You've outwardly changed a lot to reflect what you've been telling me.
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That's not change. I stopped putting on a front around you since it was fairly useless after our chat in the masque and you're close to MK.
The abrasive attitude has almost always been intentional, even around Wukong.
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It still counts. The reason doesn't matter. You've realized what you want to do and you're taking the steps to work for it. It's not happening overnight for a lot of reasons...but you're trying.
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The trying doesn't mean all that much unless I actually do it.
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...also, you saw my definition of terrible in the haunted house. And you let me talk about it a bit. So...maybe the bar has been set high.
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...Did MK tell you what I did to him when we first met? And for a long time after?
Your opinion of me shouldn't be good at all, and neither should his.
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I'm not saying it doesn't matter, but I'm in no position to judge you for what you did before. I've done terrible things too, even if it wasn't willingly.
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It's really not change. I told you, I was always the earnest type. At least until it burned me and got me killed.
Don't let me get in a position to hurt you more, is all I'm saying. You've had enough of that.
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[Cole's sitting firm on that.]
All I'm asking is that you don't be so hard on yourself with everything that just happened making things harder. If you can ease the blame on me, you deserve the same. That's my thought on the matter.
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And I'm not being hard on myself, I'm being honest. MK wants to think better of me than he should, and that could end badly.
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