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[castaside]

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Re: UN: FreeDyver - Text (After Movie Night #5...Sometime post-deal.)

[castaside]

Trouble follows him, does it? And here when we first met I thought he caused it. I know better now. I'm glad to have gotten close to him. Lucky, even.

[ Smitten, the word is smitten. ]

Re: UN: FreeDyver - Text (After Movie Night #5...Sometime post-deal.)

[tethered_roamer]

More like him warning me about the danger, or just being there at the same time. When someone bursts in ringing an alarm every time you see them you start expecting things.

You sure that you're just close?

Re: UN: FreeDyver - Text (After Movie Night #5...Sometime post-deal.)

[castaside]

Makes sense to me.

For now. I told him that I'd get Esme's permission before I get more than close with him. And Esme too, if he's up for it. Probably after the new year I'll do that.

Re: UN: FreeDyver - Text (After Movie Night #5...Sometime post-deal.)

[tethered_roamer]

Okay, so you ARE crushing.

Re: UN: FreeDyver - Text (After Movie Night #5...Sometime post-deal.)

[castaside]

I wouldn't use that word. Besides, it's at least somewhat mutual.

Re: UN: FreeDyver - Text (After Movie Night #5...Sometime post-deal.)

[tethered_roamer]

You're attracted to them and want to have a relationship. It's not NOT a crush. I'm glad it's not one-sided though.

Re: UN: FreeDyver - Text (After Movie Night #5...Sometime post-deal.)

[castaside]

"Crush" makes me sound about twelve.

I haven't asked Esme yet, it might not be mutual there.

Re: UN: FreeDyver - Text (After Movie Night #5...Sometime post-deal.)

[tethered_roamer]

[That fruit is hanging so low even Cole's short stature can't not take it.]

Weren't you the one who said your emotional experience is like a child's?

I'll be surprised if you come back and say it wasn't. If only because I haven't heard one yet with you.

Re: UN: FreeDyver - Text (After Movie Night #5...Sometime post-deal.)

[castaside]

That doesn't mean I want to *sound* like a kid if I can help it.

Yes yes, we all bow to your wisdom. It's not my fault that I get a thing for people who get a thing back. So far.

Re: UN: FreeDyver - Text (After Movie Night #5...Sometime post-deal.)

[tethered_roamer]

Too bad, you joined a club of adults who don't have adult-level emotional experience and admitted it so you're going to sound like it.

Are you sure? I almost fell into that while I was figuring things out and properly sorted you.

Re: UN: FreeDyver - Text (After Movie Night #5...Sometime post-deal.)

[castaside]

Fair enough, I guess. Who knew that repressing your feelings for centuries was a bad idea?

Good thing that didn't happen. What a disaster it would have been.

Re: UN: FreeDyver - Text (After Movie Night #5...Sometime post-deal.)

[tethered_roamer]

Probably only people who live long enough to find out.

I like you more as family anyway. Whether or not it might have been a disaster.

Re: UN: FreeDyver - Text (After Movie Night #5...Sometime post-deal.)

[castaside]

Any half-wit could probably have predicted that it was a terrible idea. I was way too emotionally constipated to see it then. And now isn't going much better sometimes.

...Me being your family turned into a disaster too. And I hate that you're so used to disasters that you just accept it.

Re: UN: FreeDyver - Text (After Movie Night #5...Sometime post-deal.)

[tethered_roamer]

But somehow so many of us do it anyway.

At this point I wouldn't be surprised if it's a me problem. Because I can't not worry. I can't separate myself so things don't affect me when people feel like they don't or shouldn't. And I'm the one who can't feel safe with the idea that finding a family seems to mean there will always be a side taken over other members. So maybe you're not the who who made it a disaster in this case. Not completely.

Re: UN: FreeDyver - Text (After Movie Night #5...Sometime post-deal.)

[castaside]

I can't think of a single thing that you ever did to wrong me, Cole. Only things that I've taken badly because I'm screwed up.

But I care more about fixing it than I care about assigning blame at this point.

Re: UN: FreeDyver - Text (After Movie Night #5...Sometime post-deal.)

[tethered_roamer]

If you're sure. I still want to fix things too, I just don't want you thinking you're the only one who's the problem.

Re: UN: FreeDyver - Text (After Movie Night #5...Sometime post-deal.)

[castaside]

I'm probably going to think that for a while no matter what anyone says. But the good news there is that means I can do things to make it better, one hopes.

Re: UN: FreeDyver - Text (After Movie Night #5...Sometime post-deal.)

[tethered_roamer]

I can't argue against that, so fair.

Re: UN: FreeDyver - Text (After Movie Night #5...Sometime post-deal.)

[castaside]

If there were things I could do that would make you feel better about us, other than listening to you which we've already got a deal on, what would they be? I'll start there.

Re: UN: FreeDyver - Text (After Movie Night #5...Sometime post-deal.)

[tethered_roamer]

I don't know. Feeling safe and comfortable, and like I was helping you with feeling that was always more than enough.

Re: UN: FreeDyver - Text (After Movie Night #5...Sometime post-deal.)

[castaside]

I think that I haven't made you feel safe in a very long time. I'm not sure that I know how.

Re: UN: FreeDyver - Text (After Movie Night #5...Sometime post-deal.)

[tethered_roamer]

That might just be how things are. I might feel safer as time goes on. Same for you I hope.

Re: UN: FreeDyver - Text (After Movie Night #5...Sometime post-deal.)

[castaside]

You're not going to feel safer unless I change some things. I don't know what to change.

My kids say that they feel safe with me. But I don't think that what I do there will work with us. It's an entirely different kind of family.

Re: UN: FreeDyver - Text (After Movie Night #5...Sometime post-deal.)

[tethered_roamer]

I don't know what we are as family, so I don't have an answer for that.

I'll tell you a secret though. Something I only kind of made sure MK knows. It was easy to get close to you both once I knew you cared because I know that if you ever do I can't really do anything because you're much more powerful than me. So knowing you only wanted the opposite for me made things easy.

We might be kind of starting over, but I'm pretty sure that's still true. The only difference now is I know that you have a line so I know better when it's coming.

Re: UN: FreeDyver - Text (After Movie Night #5...Sometime post-deal.)

[castaside]

You knew that I could kill you easily, and that made you comfortable? I don't understand.

My lines can be moved, given a good enough reason. Which you are.