Neutral to a very mild positive. Once I go on a violent quest to be rid of residual aggression and make power points for him to endure. So long as he doesn't royally mess up with Choco and doesn't lie to me again.
So that's why you two both vanished at the same time. You scared the hell out of me. I understand wanting privacy, that said. And for the record I wouldn't have interfered if you told me not to.
I'm glad you worked things out, more or less. But Itold him and Choco and now I'm telling you, you don't have to get along. Certainly don't force it for my sake. I want you all to be happy more than I want harmony among the people I love.
I also told Choco and MK that my kids are my first priority. You and she come first, no matter what.
I had hoped being off the radar longer would have made it seem more deliberate even if you had put the pieces together.
Also I needed to give him reason to move to a second location for several other-than-you reasons, but you are a worry wart and I was expecting a screaming match at the very least. However, if you can resist interfering and not beat yourself up if we get into such a fight, I could forgo the sound deafening. (Saving us from grievous to fatal harm is an exception, of course.)
I would not get along with him for your sake.
I am giving him a second chance for your sake.
But I made it clear to him under no uncertain terms I would not be lied to again. I'll take the argument over quiet resentment.
Speaking of which, don't tell people to not talk to me about their feelings. At least for forever. Asking for time is acceptable, but not forbidden.
I also pointed out to him if you didn't prioritize your kids first, it'd be a major red flag, but he seems to be wrapping his head around it.
Fair enough on all counts. I only said for people not to blame you for the surgery before the heart game because you were blaming yourself enough for everyone, but I won't do it again.
MK doesn't like being second to anyone. He'll have to get used to it. He understands intellectually that kids come before mates but it's still hard for him. Especially when his experience of being someone's kid is quite different. But he can accept it or not, it's the way things are. That goes for all of my mates.
I understand the intent was to protect, but unfortunately feelings aren't rational and sometimes the unreasonable needs to be hashed out.
And really, there is a certain point I hit an emotional shutdown so even someone going completely aggro will just make a wall at some point.
I suppose not everyone can watch their emotional screw up of a dad hand over the keys to a potential human genocide just to save you.
Daddy issues are an explanation, but not an excuse. I also told him that. His PTSD and mental disorders can't be used to justify hurtful actions, he has to be working on dealing with them, and how dealing and fixing are different things.
Right. I wasn't agreeing with where he's coming from, only saying that I understand it. There is no excuse for how he's been acting. But the hope is that if he understands why he's behaving this way, he can stop doing it. I'm working with him on it.
Oh good, I was going to ask you for help with the power point.
I know plenty of tools for dealing with mental illness and disorders, but unfortunately, identifying what is wrong with someone is difficult. I need someone who can read people.
You'll have to tell me what a power point is, but whatever it is I'll help you. I'm not quite as good at reading people as Wash but I've known MK long enough to be an expert.
I know what I'm doing with MK and his feelings, at least. That's why I've been starting to work with him on it. What are you trying to convey with this?
Some may be trauma related, some he may just be born with. Choosing to be a hero and continuing to be one always means there's something a little hinky in there because hero work is rough.
Either way, its clear there is some very long term mental problems going on, and there are options that we can use to help him deal with it. Methods that have been tested with high chances to success to help him cope with what's going on in his head in a healthy way instead of the pathologically possessiveness and doom spiraling. I already suggested he writes down his intrusive thoughts so his brain is forced to slow down and actually examine what's in there, so we'll see if that helps.
[ Thankfully Macaque has done some reading on neurodivergence. ]
We don't know much about his creation so anything is possible. It bothers him in a way it never bothered me.
Writing down things is a good idea, if that doesn't work have him draw. He loves art.
Part of what I'm doing with him is getting him to slow his thoughts down, recognize when he's spiraling, and ask questions instead of make assumptions that send him into fits. We only were able to do it a few times, once where he spiraled badly and needed a break and once where he was able to calm down. It helps if someone needs him, he's able to pull it together well for hero stuff, but then he never goes back and examines the feelings he pushed down. He's even putting things on his clones now and they're blaming themselves for not being able to fix matters.
Sometimes it doesn't come out until there is a dramatic shift in circumstances. Its common that parents won't notice any issues with their children until they go to school because suddenly there is a huge circumstance change and the stress alone can cause problems.
Drawing is good for in general stress relief and coping. The writing of the spiraling thoughts is deliberate in that he doesn't write fast so his thoughts have to be slowed down to write them, plus the physical act will probably help as he seems to have stimming tendencies.
The writing would also probably help you guide him into questions until he has more practice.
I am aware of the clones. We had a conversation with Candid that didn't go so well, but I assume you overheard. Choco texted someone, so fifty/fifty on you or Wash.
By the way, in regards to your helping him, you know the difference between 'fix' and 'deal,' yes?
He's terrible with reading and writing was my point. I agree it'd be better but if he can't write, have him draw. It's better than nothing and can teach him the same lessons, and he'd be more likely to actually do it. He couldn't get through Journey to the West and it's about his hero, just for context.
She texted me. Her heartrate skyrocketed and she wanted to tell me she was taken care of. I'm sure she told Wash later.
I know the difference, worry not. But if you have thoughts on it, by all means.
And not being terrible was rather my point. Its a forcible slowing of his thoughts. Sometimes its about using the things that take time to make time in the brain. Half the reason I got good at skateboarding is because I needed to force my brain to reset instead of always being in project mode.
If it doesn't work, then drawing his thoughts is also an option, but that risks it being an abstraction. Writing in all the ways he's telling himself he's horrible takes a while to put into words, but a drawing can convey a lot of those very simply.
Most likely. Eve and I were there.
Good. He didn't. He may need constant reminders. His brain isn't a thing to be fixed, but its problems need adjustments made so they do not go off the rails again. Its likely impossible to remove all his negative thoughts. What matters is he doesn't let those thoughts make big decisions for him.
If you can get him to write consistently, by all means. I just know how he avoids things when they're uncomfortable, and asking him to write about his spirals is doubly so.
His drawings are never abstract that I've seen, if it helps. He draws very literally. Much about the way he thinks is concrete and his artwork is the same.
I don't want to "fix" him, Donnie. I love him as he is, flaws and all. What I've been focusing on with him isn't changing him, it's challenging the assumptions that make him spiral and stopping to think instead of letting things snowball dangerously. Assumptions about how others see him, primarily. To get him to talk to us instead of assume the worst about what we say and use it to hurt himself, which he then reacts to in ways that harm others too. What happened with Choco is exactly that pattern.
I'm a terrible person can just be himself, but looking more and more villainous. Even if his picture isn't abstract, the emotions in it can be.
I've heard Mikey talking about art a lot.
I did call him out on that. I've unfortunately had some past experiences with this mindset. Its disheartening how often people bring on the problems they're so terrified of.
[ Macaque lets the writing versus art thing drop. Fine, if Donnie can get it to happen, more power to him. ]
I'm no one to judge, I've done it myself. But however much I don't judge MK despite being angry with him, I know where this road ends. Whether I judge him or not, if he keeps it up, especially towards you and Choco, I won't be able to keep him in my life. I explained that to him. He does want to change this about himself, so I hope he can. With help.
If you see me shutting down while we work on this, however minimally, definitely say something. I know my own habits too well to overlook that it will probably happen.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Post talk with MK
Once I go on a violent quest to be rid of residual aggression and make power points for him to endure.
So long as he doesn't royally mess up with Choco and doesn't lie to me again.
Re: Post talk with MK
Re: Post talk with MK
Re: Post talk with MK
I'm glad you worked things out, more or less. But Itold him and Choco and now I'm telling you, you don't have to get along. Certainly don't force it for my sake. I want you all to be happy more than I want harmony among the people I love.
I also told Choco and MK that my kids are my first priority.
You and she come first, no matter what.
Re: Post talk with MK
Also I needed to give him reason to move to a second location for several other-than-you reasons, but you are a worry wart and I was expecting a screaming match at the very least. However, if you can resist interfering and not beat yourself up if we get into such a fight, I could forgo the sound deafening. (Saving us from grievous to fatal harm is an exception, of course.)
I would not get along with him for your sake.
I am giving him a second chance for your sake.
But I made it clear to him under no uncertain terms I would not be lied to again. I'll take the argument over quiet resentment.
Speaking of which, don't tell people to not talk to me about their feelings. At least for forever. Asking for time is acceptable, but not forbidden.
I also pointed out to him if you didn't prioritize your kids first, it'd be a major red flag, but he seems to be wrapping his head around it.
Re: Post talk with MK
MK doesn't like being second to anyone. He'll have to get used to it. He understands intellectually that kids come before mates but it's still hard for him. Especially when his experience of being someone's kid is quite different. But he can accept it or not, it's the way things are. That goes for all of my mates.
Re: Post talk with MK
And really, there is a certain point I hit an emotional shutdown so even someone going completely aggro will just make a wall at some point.
I suppose not everyone can watch their emotional screw up of a dad hand over the keys to a potential human genocide just to save you.
Daddy issues are an explanation, but not an excuse. I also told him that. His PTSD and mental disorders can't be used to justify hurtful actions, he has to be working on dealing with them, and how dealing and fixing are different things.
Re: Post talk with MK
Re: Post talk with MK
I know plenty of tools for dealing with mental illness and disorders, but unfortunately, identifying what is wrong with someone is difficult. I need someone who can read people.
Re: Post talk with MK
Re: Post talk with MK
The longterm exposure will help. Wash is good at reading people, but that doesn't always account for flare up symptoms.
Re: Post talk with MK
I know what I'm doing with MK and his feelings, at least. That's why I've been starting to work with him on it. What are you trying to convey with this?
Re: Post talk with MK
So much.
Some may be trauma related, some he may just be born with. Choosing to be a hero and continuing to be one always means there's something a little hinky in there because hero work is rough.
Either way, its clear there is some very long term mental problems going on, and there are options that we can use to help him deal with it. Methods that have been tested with high chances to success to help him cope with what's going on in his head in a healthy way instead of the pathologically possessiveness and doom spiraling. I already suggested he writes down his intrusive thoughts so his brain is forced to slow down and actually examine what's in there, so we'll see if that helps.
Re: Post talk with MK
We don't know much about his creation so anything is possible. It bothers him in a way it never bothered me.
Writing down things is a good idea, if that doesn't work have him draw. He loves art.
Part of what I'm doing with him is getting him to slow his thoughts down, recognize when he's spiraling, and ask questions instead of make assumptions that send him into fits. We only were able to do it a few times, once where he spiraled badly and needed a break and once where he was able to calm down. It helps if someone needs him, he's able to pull it together well for hero stuff, but then he never goes back and examines the feelings he pushed down. He's even putting things on his clones now and they're blaming themselves for not being able to fix matters.
Re: Post talk with MK
Drawing is good for in general stress relief and coping. The writing of the spiraling thoughts is deliberate in that he doesn't write fast so his thoughts have to be slowed down to write them, plus the physical act will probably help as he seems to have stimming tendencies.
The writing would also probably help you guide him into questions until he has more practice.
I am aware of the clones. We had a conversation with Candid that didn't go so well, but I assume you overheard. Choco texted someone, so fifty/fifty on you or Wash.
By the way, in regards to your helping him, you know the difference between 'fix' and 'deal,' yes?
Re: Post talk with MK
She texted me. Her heartrate skyrocketed and she wanted to tell me she was taken care of. I'm sure she told Wash later.
I know the difference, worry not. But if you have thoughts on it, by all means.
Re: Post talk with MK
If it doesn't work, then drawing his thoughts is also an option, but that risks it being an abstraction. Writing in all the ways he's telling himself he's horrible takes a while to put into words, but a drawing can convey a lot of those very simply.
Most likely. Eve and I were there.
Good. He didn't. He may need constant reminders. His brain isn't a thing to be fixed, but its problems need adjustments made so they do not go off the rails again. Its likely impossible to remove all his negative thoughts. What matters is he doesn't let those thoughts make big decisions for him.
Re: Post talk with MK
His drawings are never abstract that I've seen, if it helps. He draws very literally. Much about the way he thinks is concrete and his artwork is the same.
I don't want to "fix" him, Donnie. I love him as he is, flaws and all. What I've been focusing on with him isn't changing him, it's challenging the assumptions that make him spiral and stopping to think instead of letting things snowball dangerously. Assumptions about how others see him, primarily. To get him to talk to us instead of assume the worst about what we say and use it to hurt himself, which he then reacts to in ways that harm others too. What happened with Choco is exactly that pattern.
Re: Post talk with MK
I'm a terrible person can just be himself, but looking more and more villainous. Even if his picture isn't abstract, the emotions in it can be.
I've heard Mikey talking about art a lot.
I did call him out on that. I've unfortunately had some past experiences with this mindset. Its disheartening how often people bring on the problems they're so terrified of.
Re: Post talk with MK
I'm no one to judge, I've done it myself. But however much I don't judge MK despite being angry with him, I know where this road ends. Whether I judge him or not, if he keeps it up, especially towards you and Choco, I won't be able to keep him in my life. I explained that to him. He does want to change this about himself, so I hope he can. With help.
Re: Post talk with MK
Its an absolute nightmare to figure out how to deal with your brain attacking you with help. I can only imagine how awful it would be without it.
Probably really bad.
It would honestly explain a lot.
Re: Post talk with MK
It is really bad.
Re: Post talk with MK
Re: Post talk with MK
If you see me shutting down while we work on this, however minimally, definitely say something. I know my own habits too well to overlook that it will probably happen.
Re: Post talk with MK
Are you okay?
Re: Post talk with MK
Re: Post talk with MK
Re: Post talk with MK
Re: Post talk with MK
Re: Post talk with MK
Re: Post talk with MK