[Heart Game] From the ashes we can build

[castaside]

WHO: Macaque, Red Son, Wukong, Korone, Donnie, Cole, Wash
WHAT: Soul fixin'
WHEN: March 9
WHERE: Red Son's house, Blossomcrown
WARNINGS: will be marked

Comments

Re: Level S (sub 1) - East Door cw: immolation

[othellovonryan]

...I am too.

Its always worst alone.

[He hugs her tighter. Letting out a shuddering breath.]

So. Pragmatism for one.

What was the painting like?

The ship was worried about being alone and being tossed aside.

Re: Level S (sub 1) - East Door cw: immolation

[bluediligence]

Wanting to belong.

Suffering rejection for being different.

Deciding he had to get rid of those parts of himself, or hide them, to stand a chance of being allowed to stay.

Re: Level S (sub 1) - East Door cw: immolation

[othellovonryan]

.....

A lot of these are really bad.

I think....I think the ship might be the only one. That just...that's general loneliness. Afraid of being alone. Which isn't good, but if this room is about that...

At least he didn't want to feel it, at the end.

Re: Level S (sub 1) - East Door cw: immolation

[bluediligence]

[ A slow nod, thoughtful, maybe a little uncertain. ]

That's what I'm leaning towards, too. There's general loneliness and the acknowledgement that it sucks, and then there's ... a lot of these others. [ A lot of these others which are all A LOT. ]

Maybe ... maybe we could try to text him? He's trusting us, but if there's a chance he can vibe check our vibe check, it might help.

Re: Level S (sub 1) - East Door cw: immolation

[othellovonryan]

...we could try that. These kind of conversations can be tricky in the heart, but it doesn't hurt.

Re: Level S (sub 1) - East Door cw: immolation

[bluediligence]

[ Haha ... ha ... ]

Tell me about it. Wash-nii's heart really spoiled us with Feather, but even she couldn't be everywhere all the time.

[ She shifts just enough to pull out her blackberry, still without pulling away from him. ]

Re: Level S (sub 1) - East Door cw: immolation

[othellovonryan]

Feather is the you voice, right? Sounds about right. Very helpful and doing her best.

Re: Level S (sub 1) - East Door cw: immolation

[bluediligence]

Oh, you've met her? Mm.

[ taptaptap as she types up this message, and then she tilts the screen to show him the draft:

"Macchan, Donnie and I were wondering if you might be able to vibe check our emotional math? We're in a place that feels like loneliness. We've got two voids to fill and six memories/emotions to choose from:

- not wanting to feel or be alone
- rejection for being different
- feeling like you can't measure up but trying anyway
- grief and devastation
- burying yourself for others
- doing the unthinkable to prevent something worse

We're learning towards including the last one. And then maybe either the first or the third?" ]

How's that? We didn't mention the third, but thinking back, it could be an option ...

Re: Level S (sub 1) - East Door cw: immolation

[othellovonryan]

She's been mentioned. I haven't been in Wash's heart and I didn't encounter Wash in her mode.

Slippery slope bad. I don't think we should emphasize it. It's going to exist, no way we're using all these memories, but making it a foundation is bad.

Re: Level S (sub 1) - East Door cw: immolation

[bluediligence]

[ Ah! ]

It was the latter I was wondering about, mm. I'd know if you'd been in Wash-nii's heart. [ There is no way she wouldn't, one way or another. ]

Slippery slope is this one. [ She taps the second to last, "burying yourself for others." ] I could re-word it.

The feeling like he couldn't measure up was going back to the mountain to look after the monkeys.

Re: Level S (sub 1) - East Door cw: immolation

[othellovonryan]

Burying self is still really bad.

Nor is measuring up. Then it's like...the only way to NOT be lonely is dependent on feeling he's worth it for others?

Re: Level S (sub 1) - East Door cw: immolation

[bluediligence]

I'm not saying it isn't. That is, I agree with you, and it's on the list as more of a … full disclosure thing. "Here's all the things we found, and here's what we're leaning towards. Does this feel right to you?" … like that.

Mm. But … on second thought, you're prob'ly right about that one, too. Those feelings of being a failure and the last resort …

[ She winces. ]

Re: Level S (sub 1) - East Door cw: immolation

[othellovonryan]

...full disclosure is good.

But also when you make your self worth dependent on others, people can get...stuck in that.

Re: Level S (sub 1) - East Door cw: immolation

[bluediligence]

Honestly, Dokkun? It's such a same hat feeling for me, I don't know what I was thinking just now.

Re: Level S (sub 1) - East Door cw: immolation

[othellovonryan]

It's been a long day and you do it too.

[He does too, just he hyperfixates on certain people, SO REALLY.]

Re: Level S (sub 1) - East Door cw: immolation

[bluediligence]

I usually know better than to recommend it. Not that ... that's what we're doing exactly. But. Y'know.

[ Bonks her forehead lightly against him. ]

Re: Level S (sub 1) - East Door cw: immolation

[othellovonryan]

[He lightly bonks the top of her head.]

So the not depending self worth on other ones.

Re: Level S (sub 1) - East Door cw: immolation

[bluediligence]

Mm. Not - oh ...

[ She shows him this ]

Re: Level S (sub 1) - East Door cw: immolation

[othellovonryan]

....I mean. He isn't WRONG about the second one.

[Just. Hate it.]

Re: Level S (sub 1) - East Door cw: immolation

[bluediligence]

It's ... It's one of those formative memories. Foundational. I guess.

As much as I really, really, really wish it wasn't.

Re: Level S (sub 1) - East Door cw: immolation

[othellovonryan]

[Ngggggggh.]

....yes.

It is very formative.






It could actually change him not to use it, if he'll say it's important.

Re: Level S (sub 1) - East Door cw: immolation

[bluediligence]

I hate that he was made to feel that way. [ Quiet honesty, followed by a long swig of hot chocolate. She offers him the thermos. ]

But.

If it's what he needs, it's what we'll do. And then ... we'll be there for him. After.

Re: Level S (sub 1) - East Door cw: immolation

[othellovonryan]

I do too. [His own is sympathy.]

Not sure if its a need as just...a fact. [He presses his face against her shoulder.] A very....unavoidable fact.

So.

The rejection and pragmatism?

Re: Level S (sub 1) - East Door cw: immolation

[bluediligence]

...

Yeah. When you're ready.

Re: Level S (sub 1) - East Door cw: immolation

[othellovonryan]

[He takes a breath. He lets it out.]

Okay. Let's go. [He's going to pick up the burned piece of wood.]