castaside | [Heart Game] From the ashes we can build

Dubious is just about Macaque's middle name. The Six-Eared Dubious Macaque. Even when there was no reason to be, despite that not being as often as Wukong would like. He lets the sleeve drop and looks at the wax. If that's all that's left...

He takes a piece.

You are Macaque, and you are running. You have young monkeys climbing all over you, and more in your cradled arms as you run, your lungs burning from exertion and smoke.

You chance a look back. The flames are climbing the mountain, right on your heels. Heaven's holy fire, you think bitterly, come to cleanse Wukong's lands and all his subjects. As if imprisoning him wasn't bad enough.

The flames rush up to meet you, searing the end of your tail. You jump, diving through the waterfall and the seals, dropping the monkeys because you know that it won't be a pretty landing.

You cover your ears as the monkeys you couldn't save burn and scream. You hear every bit of those sounds anyway, and you feel sick. You feel useless.

More than anything, you feel guilty. And alone.

The kids scatter as you wail with impotent grief. First a scream of your own, raspy from the smoke, then quieter sobs that echo through the cavern.

Wukong would have been able to save them. Why weren't you?

You know what the worst part of being the Monkey King while having memory!Macaque's hearing is? The Monkey King knows every single Monkey that exists, even if their names sometimes slip past him. And those older monkey screams? He knows every single voice. But he also knows Macaque couldn't save them all. Six of them hadn't been able to take on Heaven together, so what chance did Macaque have alone?

Wukong didn't resent him, or blame him for choosing the children. He was just sad and frustrated that Macaque was put in that positon at all.

"Fucking assholes cleansing bullshit-"

He had touched the memory himself and his breathing got erratic and there is rage.

And pain.

And so much fucking sympathy.

Edited 2024-03-14 20:49 (UTC)

"Because that's what Heaven does when someone there doesn't like you. It doesn't matter if you're currently doing their bidding either."

Unfortunately, now you know just who Wukong let it go about. Those comments he made earlier...all about the people who would cause this to a bunch of helpless innocents. He sighs and places a hand on Wash's shoulder. "Take some time to breathe. We still have work to do here."

There is an actual growl. "Like the Covenant. Oh, you don't match our fucked standards of sit down and obey and maybe if you're good enough, you can join our fucked out death cult."

There is.

A lot of rage. A shaking that can be felt, even through the armor.

"They were just living their lives, but of course, of course they were easy to take out, so why not!"

He sighed angrily. "What is wrong with people who decide they can just commit a genocide like its nothing?"

"Beats me, especially because that the second of three in roughly a hundred years."

Wukong sits in front of him propping his chin on one hand. "One thing about having power is there are pretty much three kinds of people who have it: those who try to control everything, those who think they can do better, and those who don't want to be controlled. And those who want control will use whatever they can to hurt anyone who doesn't fit that, especially if they don't have enough power todo anything else."

Wash groaned and rubs at the back of his neck. "It's...I will never get those people. They can't even say they've been hurt to justify their madness," he said. Those with that much power and manipulation usually aren't near as hurt as those they hurt.

He sighs, and pushes himself to his feet. "I think it's helplessness. The underlying theme."

He is also summoning Macat for pets.

Edited 2024-03-14 21:36 (UTC)

Makitty/Macat pops into existence and will cuddle up with Wash, purring intently.

"That we definitely have in common," Wukong conceded. He reached up, stroking Macaquepie's feathers idly. Helplessness huh? He thought on that for a while. "So which memories are you carrying?" he asked finally. "Because there's probably a couple of ways we can handle theis one. The obvious being using the statue's head."

"The statue's head would probably be a bad idea. The voids are like...the structure of the room. It'll make things a priority or a structure of the feeling," he said, petting Macat as he evens out his breathing. "And the statue head resulted in not talking to you, and I assume acting on a jealous rage. Noooot the kind of thing you want to be structural," he said.

He looks at the items and sighs. "Likely...the things that were? Are going to be the mountain getting attacked," he said and then held out a statue shard, "and being rejected and making contact with shadows. They're not good feelings, but those are also the kind of memories that are going to be a big deal for someone's foundations."

"Uh-huh...fair, and you don't have anything in your bag that could also work?" Wukong asks. Clearly he's not willing to actually just jump into this part. Other things are fair game to just go for. Not this. "Because you left that question hanging."

"There is the torn cloth, but that is also the feeling like he'll never be chosen first. Which, like the jealousy, not great as a structural thing," he said. "There's the incense which is always trying to make things work, even if its not what he wants, but he thinks he should be happy with what he gets. Which isn't the worst, but its a slippery slope sorta thing."

He opens his bag, considering what he has. "The jar of sand might work, but that is a stretch. Maybe the fight with MK, but we'd need to get that candle. He did feel bad I didn't seem willing to ask for help with the bulb memory, but those are pretty mixed things."

"You know, there's a not small part of me that thinks we needed more good memories to work with and refuses to believe there were so few even when I was gone since the monkeys absolutely loved him. Like in-laws that everyone dreams of having loved. And I know that you can hear us in here, with your omniscient hearing! The kids better be getting those good memories!"

Being serious though, he focuses on the problem at hand. "Well, I've got a night of cuddling during a thunderstorm he was struggling through, and the Don't Forget paper. But I don't think not forgetting helps here. Having someone help when he's helpless might, but I feel kinda like that might be more useful later."

"I mean, I'm gonna guess that there is a good chance that everything West will have a lot to do with the feelings he had during that time in his life, so we are probably getting the shitty rooms," Wash said. He's just saying.

He looks to the voids. "The voids are structure, so we should best match the items to the vibe of the room. You don't want to mess with a structure. That's how you get wires crossed on how you react to things. Like laughing when someone is suffering. Stuff like that. But you can try to help alleviate the room a bit if you want, separated from the voids. Then you're not baking it into those feelings, but it might make it a little easier. Leaving notes in rooms was a pretty common thing for Heart Games, try to help people feel like they have someone they can turn to, or try to offer some kind of comfort. It doesn't usually force a big change, but it might make it easier to get a change outside."

Edited 2024-03-23 19:18 (UTC)

"That makes it actively worse, since the kids run off so fast."

More thinking, considering, having ideas. "...soooo you're saying that using, oh Idunno, a memory of being accepted in the void here would mess with the structure instead of making it two sides of a coin and making things sturdies, so a memory like that should maybe be left just in the room? That what I'm getting?"

"Does it? They might be getting nicer rooms?"

"Leaving the memory in the room would be safer than throwing it the void, yeah. Throw acceptance in these and it'll more likely either make acceptance feel like it's on a time limit, have difficulty believing he's accepted, or worse, he views being rejected and failing people is the way to acceptance," Wash said. People have come out more warped than that.

"Leaving a memory here might lead to that, but the memory is movable. It can be altered more easily if there is a mistake. It could also lead to hope that acceptance is possible. Especially since his heart has it kind of baked in to move memories around, it's not as risky as the move might be in other hearts," he said. "I would not leave a lot of memories like that in here though."

"That makes next to no sense." Not no seanse, but he's not seeing the full logic. "I have literally one in mind, since there's a lot of helplessness, feeling unaccepted, and I've got a jealousy snake on my arm. So you pick the memory and I'll do my own thing. Luckily it takes next to no time to regrow a hair."

That said, Wukong plucks one hair from his tail and turns it into a lifelike carving of a little monkey, warm as though it's been left sitting in the sun. He knows the memory that he wants to infuse it with feelings from. The first day they met, the feeling of finally meeting someone actually like him, the excitement of introducing Macaque to his monkey family, and the warm welcome they'd given him. It was a time when all Macaque had needed to do was show up and was welcomed, without a struggle. With any luck, some of that warmth will rub off on the room.

He then places the bowl at the foot of the statue and the monkey next to it.

"Canaan you tell me where you're lost?" Wash asked. "Cause it might be important to understand later." Who knows what might happen and if he really doesn't understand all of it, that isn't a great sign.

Wash looks to the void, considering. And....

It is the worst memory. He knows it is. But that kind of shit is formative, he knows that all too well. But even more importantly, Macaque was still trying his best. Survivors guilt sucks, but he didn't stop and didn't give up.

He licks up the wax, lets out a breath and tossed in Heaven's sick idea of punishment.

With the wax in the void, it closes up.

The monkey statue with the bowl in front of it, at first, does nothing. But after a moment, the warm rooms by a few degrees, and the icicles begin to drip as they melt.

"It's not that I'm lost I just think it's stupid. For everything that is formative there's an exception that proves the rule without contradicting or opposing the experiences and memory that form a pillar. Most of my formative experience that makes me me is basically being born the greatest thing in history. Finding out that I'm also a massive fuck-up hasn't changed that too much, because the things that make it true haven't changed."

Wukong takes a moment to properly pay his respects to the statue before finishing his thought. "And the exceptions to that rule are pretty much the only reason I'm even in here instead of off doing the things I know I'm great at. And Macaque and I are the literal example of opposites complimenting each other, even with our fallout. So the idea that using a memory that is an exception might make things worse more than better just feels stupid."

"Placement is the key here," Wash said. "You may be born great and a massive fuck up, but the chances of those two things being in the same room of your soul? Not very high. This room is a small part of Macaque, it's not all of him. It's like....a boat. The boat uses different material to come together. You need wood for the body and cloth for the sail. But if you put the cloth where the wood should be, you have a sinking boat."

Wash gestured around them. "This room is the negative part of him. Everyone has them. It's just the way of it. Trying to take the bite out of it isn't bad, but the shell of the room is that negativity. Would you want to put negative emotions into the walls of a happy room?"

"Depends on the situation. If the negative emotions were in the same realm as the happy ones then maybe in the case that it could reinforce what made that happiness." Wash isn't really saying anything he hasn't guessed. "Using your analogy for what I'm talking about, this-" He gestures to the monkey. "-doesn't feel like a piece of cloth. The rules say it is, but it would make more sense for it to be extra length to loop the rope securing the support beams."

"And that's why I'm not fighting you on leaving that in the room. Leaving something could be extra rope to act as support or an unfortunate tangled knot causing a short, but those are easier to fix than the means of floating or being able to move forward," Wash said.

There is a pause. "More over," he started, voice more sympathetic. "This is about fixing the damage done to Macaque. The stuff threatening his existence. Not changing him. I know, it's hard to see him hurting. You want to help him, make things better, it's only natural. But it would be taking his agency from him to do it here. While we're repairing the holes in his boat, where the wood and cloth are ruined, our choices should be that space between what isn't absolutely awful, and what is true of Macaque. But leaning far more heavily to the latter than the former."

He gestures to where the void had been. "It's an awful memory, but Macaque is someone who worries if he's good enough to be what people need, but tries anyway. Even when it's a nightmare. Something like that is a big part of him."

He focuses on Wukong. "What is the truest of Macaque is the question to ask for the structure, not what would be the hapiest. Little things left behind that are easy to move, those should be openings so Macaque feels like he has a choice, not like one is already made. The real help beyond shattered soul nonsense has to be out there."

"That also wasn't the point," Wukong said. "Otherwise I would have said no to bad memories in good spaces. My point is that the truest a person is is also supported by the things that don't fall in line but also don't contradict. It's not about changing him, or making things feel better than they are. If that happened, then that's a bonus, if it dampens something happy, well that sucks. I'm not here to decide how he should change, I'm here because for some reason he's trusting me enough to help fix what was broken...even if that help is warming a jealous snake."

His eyes stay fixed on Wash, dead serious and not bothering to follow his gestures. "All I'm saying is that I don't agree with what the game says are what for the materials of what makes a person who they are. I can disagree and still follow the rules. I've been doing it for centuries at this point and I'm definitely the last person that needs to be reminded about not taking someone's agency. So if this room's done, we should head on."

[Heart Game] From the ashes we can build

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