"Now let's focus on that. Utterly in love. Glad for the contact. But a slight missing of being used and cracking the floor. I want to focus on that use word. Do you like being objectified or is it you want a good hard super strength fucking?"
"Only slightly but I also want clarification," Lucifer says with a wink.
"Because use and utterly rail are different. Use is easy to say, of course. But defining terms is important. Now. That level of sex. Rough, hard, powerful sex. Being honest, how important is it to have that with each of your partners to you?"
"Importance depends on where I am at the time, I guess. Having this many partners there's usually someone willing to screw around if I need to for coping or closeness. And if all else fails I call MK for a booty call."
"I feel ridiculous that sex is this important to me. Maybe it's because back then, we didn't really have much emotional intimacy and the physical was what I hung into. And now our relationship is primarily emotional and not physical. Aside from cuddling and whatnot."
"Noted. Also I'll make sure you and MK have a room reserved on the Lust floor for Sinsmas. Since I'm certain you'll use it unless you want to fool around in front of others again with him. Or me. Or someone else," Lucifer wiggles his eyebrows.
"So physical pleasure in place of emotional intimacy. Now you have the emotional but the physical balance feels...how would you put it? Off or another word?"
"Then, hear me out. Perhaps after we unpack things, you and Wukong should go on a romantic getaway together? To be together, emotionally intimate, and see if the physical sparks when it's just you two together. At the location of your choice."
"Not a bad idea. Assuming it's okay with Emeth." That's very important. "We've never done anything like that before. In the past our trips were always to bust something.
"If needed, I can babysit Emeth. Or that mage fellow. The Prince of Magic, she calls him," Lucifer nods. There are options.
"The King and his mate do need time alone. She will understand when explained, I'm sure. And it's something new to start the way forward. New and the two of you, hand in hand."
"If it's okay with Emeth then I'll ask Wukong if he wants to go somewhere. And if physical stuff doesn't happen, or doesn't happen the way I seem to want it to... I suppose I'll just have to change the way I talk to myself about it. Remember that it's not a lack of love."
"--Because that's really the only way we showed affection back then." Rough sex was just about it since they were both emotionally constipated. "That's probably why it's bugging me so much."
"We'll get to that second party in a moment but there are ice creams and potions and such to increase libido in this world. You could both talk about using those for assistance, should Wukong be open to it," Lucifer smiles as he says it. Because this world has so much great sex stuff.
"For the second part. What other ways do you enjoy showing affection. With Wukong specifically and with others you might enjoy with him. And what does he do to show affection now that you find you like?"
"I don't think drugging him is the answer, even if he's got his eyes open about what's happening. It'll just make me feel bad. I want whatever happens between us to be authentic." If he has to have Wukong drugged to get what he wants, that's objectively terrible.
"Cuddling. Grooming. That sort of thing. With other people there's a lot of talking. In depth stuff that I've discovered I like getting into. Wukong isn't really interested in that, so I only try a little." A pause. "Mostly I don't bother. It's not his thing."
"I think using chemical aids would make him feel like he's not enough for me as he is. And he really is. Loving Wukong is part of me, like my hands or my ears. I couldn't stop if I tried, and I certainly did try."
Hm. "He'll say one thing about the topic and then not really have much else to say about it. So I'm just kind of talking to myself because he's said everything that he feels he needs to say. Like I said, it's just not his thing. I just wish I could peek inside his head sometimes to get my curiosity satisfied."
"So much happened between us. And he doesn't ever really want to process it, so I'm stuck feeling like I don't know where I stand. But if I ask him, he'll just say it's in the past and I'm his mate now so what more needs to be said? But..."
"But it's fine. I just have to get used to the idea. It's my problem to solve."
Lucifer will drop the chemical aids topic. The romance is palpable between Wukong and Macaque.
"Communication in a relationship is a two way street. So let's delve into that a little more since it's an equal parts problem. You want to unpack with him. Which is what we're doing now to help that along. What's one thing you've tried to talk to him about that had made you feel this way?"
"Honestly? I can't remember. I don't really try it. There was one time he brought up our history, when I told him in anger that he drags everyone else into his mess. And I gave him a paragraph on my perspective, and he said that was all he needed to hear. I let it drop even though I think it would probably do us good -- or at least me -- to actually discuss why I lost my shit on him under the mountain."
"...But it's probably not that important in the long run."
"He asked if I really thought he was doing everything for himself. And I told him that at the time I saw it that way, but we've both changed a lot and I don't see him that way anymore. I told him that my perception at the time was due to me refusing to ask for what I wanted and needed from him so it's not like he had the chance to give me what I wanted, since he couldn't have known what I wanted. Something like that."
"Then I told him that regardless of our fight, I should have come back for him. And he said that was all he needed to know. At that point I gave him a courting gift so it sort of derailed any discussion that could have been had, but he said he was done, so..."
"I guess... I just prefer to follow his lead. I always have. And in the moment all I want to do is make him happy, and it's not until later that I recognize that I have things to say and things I want to hear."
"He said that he shouldn't have lashed out at me under the mountain, but I want to know if he really thought that I was running away to save myself. I want to know if he still sees me as running away. I want to know what he thinks about me having other partners, and kids. I want to know what he wants our future together to look like. I want him to get to know my kids and tell me that he approves."
Should he care if Wukong approves? Fuck no. But he does.
"I want to know that he's as devoted to me as I am to him. And he thinks I should know that, probably, but I don't. And it's going to take a lot before I do. A lot of repetition and backtracking and mess. Things he's not good at, and if I push him, maybe he'll decide it's not worth it." That their relationship isn't worth it.
"There is a lot there. I can't answer some of that of course. Only he can. And maybe during alone time, asking him some of those specific questions. About if he meant the running away part. If he thinks you still do that. And what he thinks about your grown connections. But do keep in mind, exactly what are you wanting or hoping or fearing to hear?"
"Because you have to be willing to accept what he's saying is his truth when he says it. And I'm certain he approves based solely on the fact they make you happy. And setting up play dates might be needed to help bridge that gap."
Just saying.
"As for the last part. I think a conversation on that is going to be needed. Because those expectations and where you're starting is important. And allow him to say what he needs to feel the devotion from you and what to expect in return."
"...I don't know. I don't want to push him away." So he just doesn't say the ten thousand things on his mind. He's too cerebral. Wukong was never that.
"A lot of this is my own problem. My own head and what's in it and how Wukong was built up in my mind. I feel like I need to unfuck that and then, maybe..."
"Clear and open communication isn't pushing someone away, love." Lucifer gently cups Macaque's cheek.
"Let's talk about that real quick. You say it's your problem. But answer me this. Do you expect the same proof of devotion from all your mates and your boyfriend? Or only Wukong?"
He considers, but only for a beat. "I don't have these doubts about any of my other partners. I haven't been through with them what I went through with Wukong. Apples and oranges."
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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You wanted honesty, Lucifer.
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"Now let's focus on that. Utterly in love. Glad for the contact. But a slight missing of being used and cracking the floor. I want to focus on that use word. Do you like being objectified or is it you want a good hard super strength fucking?"
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"The latter. Objectification I'll do but it's not my favorite. But who wouldn't like to get utterly railed now and then? It's liberating."
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"Because use and utterly rail are different. Use is easy to say, of course. But defining terms is important. Now. That level of sex. Rough, hard, powerful sex. Being honest, how important is it to have that with each of your partners to you?"
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"Importance depends on where I am at the time, I guess. Having this many partners there's usually someone willing to screw around if I need to for coping or closeness. And if all else fails I call MK for a booty call."
"I feel ridiculous that sex is this important to me. Maybe it's because back then, we didn't really have much emotional intimacy and the physical was what I hung into. And now our relationship is primarily emotional and not physical. Aside from cuddling and whatnot."
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"So physical pleasure in place of emotional intimacy. Now you have the emotional but the physical balance feels...how would you put it? Off or another word?"
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Macaque chuckles at the eyebrow waggle.
"Not off, just different. Like I have a new pair of boots and they're not quite fitted to my feet yet and they need to be broken in."
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"Not a bad idea. Assuming it's okay with Emeth." That's very important. "We've never done anything like that before. In the past our trips were always to bust something.
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"The King and his mate do need time alone. She will understand when explained, I'm sure. And it's something new to start the way forward. New and the two of you, hand in hand."
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"If it's okay with Emeth then I'll ask Wukong if he wants to go somewhere. And if physical stuff doesn't happen, or doesn't happen the way I seem to want it to... I suppose I'll just have to change the way I talk to myself about it. Remember that it's not a lack of love."
"--Because that's really the only way we showed affection back then." Rough sex was just about it since they were both emotionally constipated. "That's probably why it's bugging me so much."
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"For the second part. What other ways do you enjoy showing affection. With Wukong specifically and with others you might enjoy with him. And what does he do to show affection now that you find you like?"
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"Cuddling. Grooming. That sort of thing. With other people there's a lot of talking. In depth stuff that I've discovered I like getting into. Wukong isn't really interested in that, so I only try a little." A pause. "Mostly I don't bother. It's not his thing."
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"How does he show his disinterest with the in depth talking?"
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Hm. "He'll say one thing about the topic and then not really have much else to say about it. So I'm just kind of talking to myself because he's said everything that he feels he needs to say. Like I said, it's just not his thing. I just wish I could peek inside his head sometimes to get my curiosity satisfied."
"So much happened between us. And he doesn't ever really want to process it, so I'm stuck feeling like I don't know where I stand. But if I ask him, he'll just say it's in the past and I'm his mate now so what more needs to be said? But..."
"But it's fine. I just have to get used to the idea. It's my problem to solve."
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"Communication in a relationship is a two way street. So let's delve into that a little more since it's an equal parts problem. You want to unpack with him. Which is what we're doing now to help that along. What's one thing you've tried to talk to him about that had made you feel this way?"
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"...But it's probably not that important in the long run."
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"Then I told him that regardless of our fight, I should have come back for him. And he said that was all he needed to know. At that point I gave him a courting gift so it sort of derailed any discussion that could have been had, but he said he was done, so..."
"I guess... I just prefer to follow his lead. I always have. And in the moment all I want to do is make him happy, and it's not until later that I recognize that I have things to say and things I want to hear."
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Should he care if Wukong approves? Fuck no. But he does.
"I want to know that he's as devoted to me as I am to him. And he thinks I should know that, probably, but I don't. And it's going to take a lot before I do. A lot of repetition and backtracking and mess. Things he's not good at, and if I push him, maybe he'll decide it's not worth it." That their relationship isn't worth it.
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"Because you have to be willing to accept what he's saying is his truth when he says it. And I'm certain he approves based solely on the fact they make you happy. And setting up play dates might be needed to help bridge that gap."
Just saying.
"As for the last part. I think a conversation on that is going to be needed. Because those expectations and where you're starting is important. And allow him to say what he needs to feel the devotion from you and what to expect in return."
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"A lot of this is my own problem. My own head and what's in it and how Wukong was built up in my mind. I feel like I need to unfuck that and then, maybe..."
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"Let's talk about that real quick. You say it's your problem. But answer me this. Do you expect the same proof of devotion from all your mates and your boyfriend? Or only Wukong?"
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He considers, but only for a beat. "I don't have these doubts about any of my other partners. I haven't been through with them what I went through with Wukong. Apples and oranges."
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