castaside | Seasons Inbox

I got the impression that it happened during the dream sharing. Evidently, Esme sharing pieces of a particular part of his life causes the infection, but then it can spread by talking about the infection itself? Something like that. Your world remains very confusing to me, but I think I got it. You should ask Max if you have more questions.

I'll do that. Toby had something where he couldn't talk about things that happened in the city he'd come from or even try to remember. And Max seems to be connected, my work building too. But this is the most I've been told about that.

Max seems to know pretty much everything, doesn't he? I told him that he's like a puzzle I'm solving bit by bit.

He's been the easiest to understand here. Especially because I'm not looking for something to break down the wall every time he reaches out. Or a song starts.

Trouble follows him, does it? And here when we first met I thought he caused it. I know better now. I'm glad to have gotten close to him. Lucky, even.

[ Smitten, the word is smitten. ]

More like him warning me about the danger, or just being there at the same time. When someone bursts in ringing an alarm every time you see them you start expecting things.

You sure that you're just close?

Makes sense to me.

For now. I told him that I'd get Esme's permission before I get more than close with him. And Esme too, if he's up for it. Probably after the new year I'll do that.

Okay, so you ARE crushing.

I wouldn't use that word. Besides, it's at least somewhat mutual.

You're attracted to them and want to have a relationship. It's not NOT a crush. I'm glad it's not one-sided though.

"Crush" makes me sound about twelve.

I haven't asked Esme yet, it might not be mutual there.

[That fruit is hanging so low even Cole's short stature can't not take it.]

Weren't you the one who said your emotional experience is like a child's?

I'll be surprised if you come back and say it wasn't. If only because I haven't heard one yet with you.

That doesn't mean I want to *sound* like a kid if I can help it.

Yes yes, we all bow to your wisdom. It's not my fault that I get a thing for people who get a thing back. So far.

Too bad, you joined a club of adults who don't have adult-level emotional experience and admitted it so you're going to sound like it.

Are you sure? I almost fell into that while I was figuring things out and properly sorted you.

Fair enough, I guess. Who knew that repressing your feelings for centuries was a bad idea?

Good thing that didn't happen. What a disaster it would have been.

Probably only people who live long enough to find out.

I like you more as family anyway. Whether or not it might have been a disaster.

Any half-wit could probably have predicted that it was a terrible idea. I was way too emotionally constipated to see it then. And now isn't going much better sometimes.

...Me being your family turned into a disaster too. And I hate that you're so used to disasters that you just accept it.

But somehow so many of us do it anyway.

At this point I wouldn't be surprised if it's a me problem. Because I can't not worry. I can't separate myself so things don't affect me when people feel like they don't or shouldn't. And I'm the one who can't feel safe with the idea that finding a family seems to mean there will always be a side taken over other members. So maybe you're not the who who made it a disaster in this case. Not completely.

I can't think of a single thing that you ever did to wrong me, Cole. Only things that I've taken badly because I'm screwed up.

But I care more about fixing it than I care about assigning blame at this point.

If you're sure. I still want to fix things too, I just don't want you thinking you're the only one who's the problem.

I'm probably going to think that for a while no matter what anyone says. But the good news there is that means I can do things to make it better, one hopes.

I can't argue against that, so fair.

If there were things I could do that would make you feel better about us, other than listening to you which we've already got a deal on, what would they be? I'll start there.

I don't know. Feeling safe and comfortable, and like I was helping you with feeling that was always more than enough.

I think that I haven't made you feel safe in a very long time. I'm not sure that I know how.

Re: UN: FreeDyver - Text (After Movie Night #5...Sometime post-deal.)

Re: UN: FreeDyver - Text (After Movie Night #5...Sometime post-deal.)

Re: UN: FreeDyver - Text (After Movie Night #5...Sometime post-deal.)

Re: UN: FreeDyver - Text (After Movie Night #5...Sometime post-deal.)

Re: UN: FreeDyver - Text (After Movie Night #5...Sometime post-deal.)

Re: UN: FreeDyver - Text (After Movie Night #5...Sometime post-deal.)

Re: UN: FreeDyver - Text (After Movie Night #5...Sometime post-deal.)

Re: UN: FreeDyver - Text (After Movie Night #5...Sometime post-deal.)

Re: UN: FreeDyver - Text (After Movie Night #5...Sometime post-deal.)

Re: UN: FreeDyver - Text (After Movie Night #5...Sometime post-deal.)

Re: UN: FreeDyver - Text (After Movie Night #5...Sometime post-deal.)

Re: UN: FreeDyver - Text (After Movie Night #5...Sometime post-deal.)

Re: UN: FreeDyver - Text (After Movie Night #5...Sometime post-deal.)

Re: UN: FreeDyver - Text (After Movie Night #5...Sometime post-deal.)

Re: UN: FreeDyver - Text (After Movie Night #5...Sometime post-deal.)

Re: UN: FreeDyver - Text (After Movie Night #5...Sometime post-deal.)

Re: UN: FreeDyver - Text (After Movie Night #5...Sometime post-deal.)

Re: UN: FreeDyver - Text (After Movie Night #5...Sometime post-deal.)

Re: UN: FreeDyver - Text (After Movie Night #5...Sometime post-deal.)

Re: UN: FreeDyver - Text (After Movie Night #5...Sometime post-deal.)

Re: UN: FreeDyver - Text (After Movie Night #5...Sometime post-deal.)

Re: UN: FreeDyver - Text (After Movie Night #5...Sometime post-deal.)

Re: UN: FreeDyver - Text (After Movie Night #5...Sometime post-deal.)

Re: UN: FreeDyver - Text (After Movie Night #5...Sometime post-deal.)

Re: UN: FreeDyver - Text (After Movie Night #5...Sometime post-deal.)