castaside | Seasons Inbox

Anything to get the process over with faster I'm a fan of. I used to dunk myself under your waterfall several times a day at the beginning of summer, remember?

[ Macaque shivers when his ears are nuzzled. He's not used to having them out and they're still sensitive... not in a bad way whatsoever. ]

I'd have hung out here with or without the waterfall. I want to be close to Choco right now. Watch over her without trying to seem overbearing, you know?

I always thought you were just more sensitive to the heat to do that all the time.

[He nods without pausing.]

Same for MK, minus not trying to seem overbearing. I know I am right now. But you also need me, so I wanted to be here.

...do you want to talk about it?

That, too. Getting the undercoat off faster helped with the heat, so it was both.

[ Macaque nods. He can imagine how Wukong is with MK right now, and it's understandable. ]

...Are you angry that I couldn't save him? [ He was there, after all, in a manner of speaking. He tried to stop Red, but he was holding Choco's body and had only just recovered his memories so mentally he was a million miles away. ]

No. You were already overburdened from what I've heard. I'm not blaming you for it.

[He's being sincere, though the response feels a little detached to his own ears. He shakes his head though.]

I hope you weren't worried I would be.

I did try to stop it. But I wasn't all there. I had Choco's corpse in my arms at the time, my thoughts were like sand through a sieve.

[ Macaque hunches over a bit. ]

Of course I was worried. I know what he means to you.

I heard that too. And I know you do. That's why I'm not mad.

[He wraps his arms around Macaque and just holds him close.]

I know these kids are everything to you. I'm not holding this against you.

[ Macaque is distantly relieved that Wukong isn't angry. But it can't assuage all the guilt. ]

[ He curls up against Wukong anyway. Even though he perhaps doesn't deserve it. ]

I don't suppose it's within your power to have this place give us all a break? Just for a little while. [ This is the closest he can come to saying how not okay he is. ]

I wish I could, but I can't. So...this will have to do.

[He starts to purr, chirping softly in Macaque's ears.]

Safety. Love. Togetherness. Understanding. [Macaque isn't alone and still has him.]

[ Macaque shifts until he can bury his face against the crook of Wukong's neck. He spends a second just breathing him in, basking in the chirps. ]

...Do you really love me? I can't remember you saying it out loud. [ It seems like something he'd remember. He would have been on a high for a month solid. ]

[ It doesn't occur to him until too late that this might be a dangerous question. ]

I don't know if I ever said it out loud.

[He doesn't like the doubt, it twists uncomfortably in his stomach.]

I was so busy saying and trying to prove it in every other way that I never really thought about the words back then.

I guess I should have put more thought into it, because I do love you.

[ Macaque's arms are tight around Wukong before he can even think to do it, breath catching, eyes stinging. Hearing it means so much. It means the world. It's what he's always wanted. ]

You already know it, but I love you too.

[ He chirps it too, just for good measure: ] Overwhelmed, happiness, love love love love.

[Wukong nods and just cuddles in closer, still purring. He knew. It was never a question except when they were enemies.]

[ That and he said it while they were truthshroomed. ]

[ Macaque curls as close as he can possibly get, purring loudly. ] Thank you for saying it.

No problem.

[He stays where he is for a moment, then starts to groom Macaque again, pulling his mind from the negative rut it was angling toward.]

You're a very nice bright spot in this morass of I don't even know what.

[ Yeah, he's going through it. ]

It might be obvious that I've been kind of a mess, and trying to hold it together for everyone else. Not always succeeding, I'll grant you that.

Why didn't you reach out then?

[ He pulls away to look up at Wukong, lifting a hand to cup his cheek. ]

Because old, dumb habits die hard. Same reason I never asked whether you love me before. The thought of any rejection from you makes me stupid, so I don't risk it.

--But I can reach out, in the future. If you're telling me that you want me to.

Yeah, I'm saying I want you to.

Then I will.

[ And since he's being brave, here, Macaque leans up and gives Wukong a soft kiss. ]

[Wukong blinks, but it's a no-brainer to kiss him back.]

[ Macaque catches the blink, and chuckles a bit against Wukong's mouth. ]

You look surprised. [ That's all he gets out before he kisses Wukong again, and then again, and then finally gives him time to answer. ]

[Wukong responds each time, chucking finally.]

You're being full of surprises. Should I not be?

I decided to be brave for once. I guess that is surprising. But just for posterity, there is no time when I don't want to kiss you.

[ He snuggles very happily against Wukong. ]

That means a lot.

[He rests his chin on top of Macaque's head and just feels him. Just is.]

There's never a time I don't want you here.

Yeah? [ Macaque nuzzles against Wukong's chest several times. ] That's incredibly nice to hear.

-- I'd suggest that you should pin me down in this nest and prove it, but I'm not sure my mood's there. It's definitely not you, it's everything going on lately.

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