"Hm. Maybe so. I did have to remind him that there can be nothing between us unless he respects you as my mate."
"If that's true, just know that he's not the most important person in my life. And I'm talk to him about the doing everything I say bit too. Maybe I can adjust how I talk to him to avoid that. I just hadn't noticed."
"I think he has to figure out what respecting me as your mate even looks like first. For him, anyway. And don't tell him what it should look like or he'll just copy that."
MK nuzzles up against Macaque's chin. "I know he isn't. But you are to him. So do what you think is best. I just can't forgive him for my part. I'll think about not icing him out so much. But he's gotta prove he actually wants to be included and not just stand there making snarky judgmental comments. I don't need that and I don't want it."
"I didn't tell him what it should look like. I said that his relationship with you was above my pay grade but that there had to be respect at least. I'm sticking with that. I won't give him specifics."
"It's wild that he has such a different attitude with me than with you. Not surprising, I guess, just strange. Maybe he thinks if he accommodates me enough I'll forgive him fully or something. I'll have to correct that. I don't have my shit together enough to be anyone's emotional guru."
"I can understand not wanting him just being a judgmental asshole to you and the others, of course. I just don't think icing him out or yelling at him is going to help. It never helped me. I just dug in deeper when I felt like I was alone in the world. There are in-between measures that I think might get better results."
"Cool. We're on the same page then on that whole stuff. I mean...I guess to me it's not so strange. I mean, he was willing to do that stuff in the Heart Game for you and Red Son. He's put you both up on top of his priority list," MK idly starts to groom Macaque's chest.
"I'll work on it. I'm still mad but you got a point. It doesn't help to just be angry and ignore him. I'll find some middle ground. Don't need him trying to act all buddy buddy and then steal my powers or something," He gives a little gremlin smile and nudges Macaque's shoulder with his forehead, clearly just being cheeky with the reference to their past.
"I'll get with Red and make sure that he and I are on the same page with making sure that Candid doesn't get instructions from us. At least specific ones."
"You deserve to be mad, kiddo. What he did was beyond the pale. I probably wouldn't have even forgiven him halfway if it hadn't been for you and Wukong and everyone else giving me another chance after how I acted when we first met. I don't want to deny that to someone else. After all, I tried to kill you too."
"I know. And I get it. No judgments there. Your relationship with him is yours. And mine is mine but he's also my clone so I'll work on things. At least being civil so he doesn't feel abandoned. And he can work on proving to me he actually wants to earn my forgiveness and not expecting it. I think we're good there. Do you?"
"I think after the tearing down he got from the former Azure Grimoire he knows what he needs too work on. The rest he can figure out himself. It'll mean more if it comes from him and not via me or Red." Macaque gets that much, at least.
"He also ran through a revised version of my heart game so that might have helped too. Time will tell. He saw a lot of memories of how much I love you."
"I hope we're good. But if you notice him being weird about me definitely let me know. I've had my fill of codependent relationships."
"Yeah. That spicy Azure me sure is spicy," MK said with a nod. "He got a talking to by more than just you too. He should be calming down, especially with Candid," MK nods.
"Okay. I hoped that helped him and you. Since that's what Heart Games are all about." Even if MK still thinks they're dumb.
"We're good and on the same page. If he starts acting sus, I'll tell you." MK kisses Macaque on the cheek.
"That's all the Candid stuff. Only thing I got left is the jealousy stuff. Which is more serious so if you got anything you want to talk to about first, we can put that on the back burner."
"Okay." MK takes a breath and moves to straddle Macaque so they can just look each other in the eye more easily.
"I burned my jealousy out, that want for something that was just mine, because some part of me kept looking for more. It was driving me up the wall and that's why I burned it in Eve's Heart Game. I knew it could help her more. Help her to move forward with Korone and Donnie. Make the three of them happier and give her that drive I think she was looking for."
"And I never wanted it back. I was trying to keep it from coming back. That's why it was all still burned up in my Heart Game. Because I was resisting it. And then the Azure Grimoire filled it up with some part of himself when he took Cole and Wukong to the museum to show it to them. And I liked that it was gone. I felt a lot happier and I felt like I could put it behind me and be just in the moment. Does that make sense?"
"For the record, I wasn't going to ask to have it ripped out or do it myself. I more wanted to talk to you about it, which is why I asked what would happen if I ripped it out. It was a hypothetical. And then suddenly the construction MK just tore it apart. I didn't ask him to."
"Anyway. So he did it because you saying it was unhealthy and asking what would happen, I felt like that was what you wanted. ...And I have a real hard time saying no to you. I haven't really had it like happen before where you were like, X and even though I didn't want X, I would do it until now. But I realized with this dream...I am really bad at saying no to you. So yeah."
"I think it was unhealthy. It's the same thing I did with my brain surgery, and if there's one thing I learned from all that mess it's that blocking your feelings isn't the right way to cope with something that causes you pain. I like that it's gone, I just don't like how it happened. Because I believe you're strong enough to conquer your jealousy, kiddo. And I'll help you."
He huffs a sigh. "So you and Candid have sort of the same problem, I guess."
"I don't think I was back then. Strong enough, I mean. Maybe now after everything but back when I did it? I really don't think I was. Maybe now. Things have changed since them. I'll try but I'm gonna also try and like push it to fill up with something else. Try to make sure if any of my jealousy comes back it's small and quiet. I don't want to feel that way again..."
MK squishes Macaque's cheeks.
"Candid's issue is he's a codependent mess. My issue is you're too charming, handsome, and sexy to say no to. Which is my own problem. Don't stop being you."
Anther light sigh. "That jealousy is part of you, kiddo. My kiddo. I'm not sure that filling it up will solve the problem. The answer is working on it with the people you love and maybe whatever therapist you're seeing. I get that feeling that way hurts, believe me I get it, but you'll be better off if you do this the healthy way, and so will all the people you love."
And then a soft laugh. "I guess you have a point there. So long as you know that you can say no to me and it won't change anything."
"...Maybe but you get why I'm terrified of it, don't you? Why it scares me? Things are going good right now and I never ever want to do anything like what I did before again. I was so in control with it all filled up. And I like that feeling. I like being in control. The jealousy made me feel like I wasn't. That nothing was in my control." MK sighs and presses his forehead to Macaque's.
"I'll try. I'll try to work it out and work on it your way. But if I start losing myself to it again...I'm scared that is going to change something. I'm scared it'll ruin everything."
"I get why you're scared of it, of course I do. What do you think I was feeling when I asked Donnie to root around in my brain and turn my feelings off? And I felt better when he did. Instantly better. But then what I did hurt Wukong, hurt you, hurt everyone, all because I wanted to close off my feelings rather than deal with them. I'm still dealing with them, honestly. Wukong being my mate again didn't fix everything. And I can understand your jealousy too, because I have it when I think about you and Wukong. But I'm handling it because you're both too important to me to either not handle it or try to mess with my feelings all over again."
"People aren't supposed to suppress their feelings so they feel more in control, kiddo. They're supposed to figure out how to have the feelings and also be okay."
He gives MK a tight squeeze. "You won't ruin anything with me. I promise. We tried breaking up and we couldn't even do it for one whole day, so I know that I can't live without you. Jealousy and all."
"By the way, if there's anything about me that gets your jealousy riled up, I want to hear about it. That's how we work through these feelings."
MK looks up at Macaque and his eyes soften in that way MK's eyes do when he's emotional. They shine almost. Not from tears at least. He swallows as his throat feels tight and a little dry suddenly. His heart clenches like it's being hugged. He makes a soft monkey noise. Not of distress but of almost wonder.
"Okay," The word is soft and vulnerable. "I'll try. Because I have you. All of you. I'll tell you if it riles up. I'll do my best to work through it. And I believe you." He just leans his head on Macaque's shoulder and hugs his mate for a long moment. He just needs that safe contact. He tries to quiet the part of him that wants to tell him he has no reason to ever feel jealous.
Maybe he doesn't need a reason. Maybe it just happens and he can bring it up without feeling like he's ruining things. He's going to try.
MK grins back and is about to go on about how their horny demon days are done and they'll end up just holding hands and falling asleep on the couch watching movies at this rate, but something else comes up. Something that gets MK's attention and he nods.
"Alright. Yeah. Ask away." He is attentive and ready to listen.
Macaque clears his throat. It's not easy for him to go into this.
"A while ago I was trying to talk to Cole about something that was bugging me, and he told me to stop doing that because if he couldn't help then he didn't want to hear it. We've been growing distant for a while, even before that, because he told me to stay at my kids' place more often and not at the place he and I share. So I've been trying hard to respect his boundary, even though it means that we don't really talk. At all."
"But then one of the people from Cole's world told me that Cole said he misses me. And I'm not really sure what to make of that. I wondered if you had any ideas."
MK chews on his bottom lip a little before he answers. He weighs his words for a moment, taking the time to think them through.
"I know he does miss you. I know that."
"So...I stopped talking to Cole about you and me around the time I hurt Korone. Cole was between us and he couldn't do anything to help. I didn't want him to hurt or hurt him because I know we're both really important to him. When he told me about you two not talking about me, it was just about me. That because he couldn't help, it hurts him."
"Cole likes to help and take care of the people he cares about. Not being able to do that when it comes to the somethings that were so big as what was going on between us since the brain surgery...he just knew it was better to not get involved between us because of that because then all three of us were hurting and so was everyone else around us."
MK pauses for a moment and watches Macaque, waiting to see if he responds to all of that."
"It seemed pretty damn clear to me that he meant to stop talking to him about all my problems unless I was ready to take his advice. But most of the time I'm not looking for his advice, I'm looking for someone to listen. So we stopped talking about all that. And then we stopped talking about everything else."
"I don't really know how to fix it. If I even can."
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Re: After dream event
"If that's true, just know that he's not the most important person in my life. And I'm talk to him about the doing everything I say bit too. Maybe I can adjust how I talk to him to avoid that. I just hadn't noticed."
Re: After dream event
MK nuzzles up against Macaque's chin. "I know he isn't. But you are to him. So do what you think is best. I just can't forgive him for my part. I'll think about not icing him out so much. But he's gotta prove he actually wants to be included and not just stand there making snarky judgmental comments. I don't need that and I don't want it."
Re: After dream event
"It's wild that he has such a different attitude with me than with you. Not surprising, I guess, just strange. Maybe he thinks if he accommodates me enough I'll forgive him fully or something. I'll have to correct that. I don't have my shit together enough to be anyone's emotional guru."
"I can understand not wanting him just being a judgmental asshole to you and the others, of course. I just don't think icing him out or yelling at him is going to help. It never helped me. I just dug in deeper when I felt like I was alone in the world. There are in-between measures that I think might get better results."
Re: After dream event
"I'll work on it. I'm still mad but you got a point. It doesn't help to just be angry and ignore him. I'll find some middle ground. Don't need him trying to act all buddy buddy and then steal my powers or something," He gives a little gremlin smile and nudges Macaque's shoulder with his forehead, clearly just being cheeky with the reference to their past.
Re: After dream event
"I'll get with Red and make sure that he and I are on the same page with making sure that Candid doesn't get instructions from us. At least specific ones."
"You deserve to be mad, kiddo. What he did was beyond the pale. I probably wouldn't have even forgiven him halfway if it hadn't been for you and Wukong and everyone else giving me another chance after how I acted when we first met. I don't want to deny that to someone else. After all, I tried to kill you too."
Re: After dream event
"I know. And I get it. No judgments there. Your relationship with him is yours. And mine is mine but he's also my clone so I'll work on things. At least being civil so he doesn't feel abandoned. And he can work on proving to me he actually wants to earn my forgiveness and not expecting it. I think we're good there. Do you?"
Re: After dream event
"He also ran through a revised version of my heart game so that might have helped too. Time will tell. He saw a lot of memories of how much I love you."
"I hope we're good. But if you notice him being weird about me definitely let me know. I've had my fill of codependent relationships."
Re: After dream event
"Okay. I hoped that helped him and you. Since that's what Heart Games are all about." Even if MK still thinks they're dumb.
"We're good and on the same page. If he starts acting sus, I'll tell you." MK kisses Macaque on the cheek.
"That's all the Candid stuff. Only thing I got left is the jealousy stuff. Which is more serious so if you got anything you want to talk to about first, we can put that on the back burner."
Re: After dream event
"I don't have anything else that I want to go before the jealousy stuff, whatever that is."
Re: After dream event
"I burned my jealousy out, that want for something that was just mine, because some part of me kept looking for more. It was driving me up the wall and that's why I burned it in Eve's Heart Game. I knew it could help her more. Help her to move forward with Korone and Donnie. Make the three of them happier and give her that drive I think she was looking for."
"And I never wanted it back. I was trying to keep it from coming back. That's why it was all still burned up in my Heart Game. Because I was resisting it. And then the Azure Grimoire filled it up with some part of himself when he took Cole and Wukong to the museum to show it to them. And I liked that it was gone. I felt a lot happier and I felt like I could put it behind me and be just in the moment. Does that make sense?"
Re: After dream event
"For the record, I wasn't going to ask to have it ripped out or do it myself. I more wanted to talk to you about it, which is why I asked what would happen if I ripped it out. It was a hypothetical. And then suddenly the construction MK just tore it apart. I didn't ask him to."
Re: After dream event
"Anyway. So he did it because you saying it was unhealthy and asking what would happen, I felt like that was what you wanted. ...And I have a real hard time saying no to you. I haven't really had it like happen before where you were like, X and even though I didn't want X, I would do it until now. But I realized with this dream...I am really bad at saying no to you. So yeah."
Re: After dream event
He huffs a sigh. "So you and Candid have sort of the same problem, I guess."
Re: After dream event
MK squishes Macaque's cheeks.
"Candid's issue is he's a codependent mess. My issue is you're too charming, handsome, and sexy to say no to. Which is my own problem. Don't stop being you."
Re: After dream event
And then a soft laugh. "I guess you have a point there. So long as you know that you can say no to me and it won't change anything."
Re: After dream event
"I'll try. I'll try to work it out and work on it your way. But if I start losing myself to it again...I'm scared that is going to change something. I'm scared it'll ruin everything."
Re: After dream event
"People aren't supposed to suppress their feelings so they feel more in control, kiddo. They're supposed to figure out how to have the feelings and also be okay."
He gives MK a tight squeeze. "You won't ruin anything with me. I promise. We tried breaking up and we couldn't even do it for one whole day, so I know that I can't live without you. Jealousy and all."
"By the way, if there's anything about me that gets your jealousy riled up, I want to hear about it. That's how we work through these feelings."
Re: After dream event
"Okay," The word is soft and vulnerable. "I'll try. Because I have you. All of you. I'll tell you if it riles up. I'll do my best to work through it. And I believe you." He just leans his head on Macaque's shoulder and hugs his mate for a long moment. He just needs that safe contact. He tries to quiet the part of him that wants to tell him he has no reason to ever feel jealous.
Maybe he doesn't need a reason. Maybe it just happens and he can bring it up without feeling like he's ruining things. He's going to try.
"I love you."
Re: After dream event
"I love you too, kiddo. And hey, look at us having a whole real conversation without being all over each other and avoiding the issues."
Re: After dream event
"Oh my goodness, you're right. We haven't even done any sloppy kissing. I think we're, GASP!" Yes. He says the word.
"We're being grown mature adults right now!"
Re: After dream event
Proper order from now on!
"But before that... I think I maybe need to ask you something, about Cole."
Re: After dream event
"Alright. Yeah. Ask away." He is attentive and ready to listen.
Re: After dream event
"A while ago I was trying to talk to Cole about something that was bugging me, and he told me to stop doing that because if he couldn't help then he didn't want to hear it. We've been growing distant for a while, even before that, because he told me to stay at my kids' place more often and not at the place he and I share. So I've been trying hard to respect his boundary, even though it means that we don't really talk. At all."
"But then one of the people from Cole's world told me that Cole said he misses me. And I'm not really sure what to make of that. I wondered if you had any ideas."
Re: After dream event
"I know he does miss you. I know that."
"So...I stopped talking to Cole about you and me around the time I hurt Korone. Cole was between us and he couldn't do anything to help. I didn't want him to hurt or hurt him because I know we're both really important to him. When he told me about you two not talking about me, it was just about me. That because he couldn't help, it hurts him."
"Cole likes to help and take care of the people he cares about. Not being able to do that when it comes to the somethings that were so big as what was going on between us since the brain surgery...he just knew it was better to not get involved between us because of that because then all three of us were hurting and so was everyone else around us."
MK pauses for a moment and watches Macaque, waiting to see if he responds to all of that."
Re: After dream event
"I don't really know how to fix it. If I even can."
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