castaside | [Heart Game] From the ashes we can build

MK was gonna be bulldozered so hard when this was all over.

"South we go." He clung to Red Son and they walked into that icy corridor together.

You walk into a room that immediately feels claustrophobic. The walls are close, the ceiling is low – barely enough room to stand up in. More alarming, the walls are bleeding. The smell of blood permates the space. You can feel… not exactly like you’re being actively watched, but as though there’s a weight bearing down on you. It feels awful here. It feels like every bad thing that keeps you awake at night. You can’t wait to get out of here, so you can breathe.

There are blue cracks here and there. Floor, walls, the low ceiling. You can avoid them, and everything feels structurally stable, just don’t get careless.

The shadows here are present, but seem to be hiding. They’re on the edge of your vision but skip away when you try to look at them.

On one end of the room is another void. Between you and it, a scattering of items carelessly strewn on the floor.

> 1 glittering item that draws Red Son's attention especially
> Page of writing
> An empty sack
> A broken bottle
> A broken pen
> A pool of blood with something white floating in it

MK is gonna get bulldozed SO MUCH.

"Oh, I hate this," Red Son muttered. Looking around and noticing the scattering shadows. Like they're guilty.

Ugh.

Well, first things first. To the glittering thing.

MK on instinct actually shrank a full foot in height. Oh. This felt so small. He felt like he needed to be small. He tried to look at the shadows but they just disappeared or hid. He swallowed. His eyes moved to the blood.

Red Son went one way, he went the other. He moved in close to see what was floating in the blood.

There is a single white feather floating in the blood. You should be able to reach it without getting your shoes all bloody if you lean far over.

Even being a full foot shorter? Well...guess it was time to lean. MK leaned forward slowly and reached for the feather. His fingers touched it as he plucked it from the pool.

When you touch the blood and the feather at the same time, you get a memory so intense that it overwhelms you.

You are Macaque, and you can't believe how awful you are.

Choco's heart game is heavy in your awareness as you prepare for you own. Endless hours meditating. Trying to fight the many distractions. Remembering Choco's pain, Epsilon's, and trying to get ready for everyone to feel yours in ways that make a seed of panic burst in your chest.

Trying to think past your realization that you're in love with Red Son, and trying to make that mesh with the fact that he loves MK more. But this isn't new; everyone that you love, loves MK more. It's just how it is. You can't blame them, the kid deserves it. But it hurts all the same, it yanks at the part of you that has only ever wanted to be loved for who you are.

--You're getting lost in thought, and you need to stop. You need to protect them. You need to focus. You need to make sure that they don't come out of your heart as broken as you were when you came out of Choco's.

Even in trying to protect the people you love, you can't avoid being the worst, letting those dark feelings creep in. It's no wonder you'll never be first for them.

A spike of dark ugly emotions ripped through MK and it wasn't his own. It churned in his heart and shot down to his gut. MK was overwhelmed by the memory and fell down, right into the puddle of blood. What was more of it on his clothes than he had already anyway? It hurt to feel jealousy like that but that sad feeling mixed in. Defeat? Reluctance?

Did MK deserve it? Saya's words rang in his head. Love wasn't a zero sum game. It wasn't just all or nothing. It wasn't like cutting up a pie. Red Son loved Macaque and Macaque loved Red Son. Red Son loved him. He loved Wukong. He loved Macaque. Macaque loved him. All of them mixed together and loving but in different ways. Ways that MK didn't fully understand but at least he knew. He pushed himself up slowly and shook his head.

"We'll...talk about that later," He said as he pushed himself to his feet, the blood clinging to his clothes, his hands, and even some in his hair. Coating him in more guilt and he felt heavier for it. So heavy.

Coating yourself in the blood is like wearing the memory all over you. You aren't reliving it exactly, but it's constantly in your awareness.

It's all over him. He felt the way it clung to him. That feeling of being not the first. Not enough. That feeling of defeat. It clung to him like the blood and he tried to focus. The one good thing? It was a familiar feeling for MK. MK knew this one. He knew that weight and the gnawing it did at the base of his chest. He took a few breathes. He tried to push some of the blood off, just a little, enough to keep moving.

He needed to grab the next one. The broken pen. That's what he went for next and grabbed it.

You are Macaque, and your throat is burning. Your fur is covered with soot. And the screams of monkeys burning alive are still ringing in your ears.

You are behind Wukong's seals in the caves of Flowerfruit Mountain with the few monkeys you managed to toss in here before the mountain burned. Too few, mostly young ones. They're looking to you in shock and confusion. You have no idea how to comfort them.

You walk out into a burned landscape. Meandering aimlessly through what used to be lush trees and foliage. You're going to have to go get food from elsewhere for the monkeys, you numbly think. You reach down and pinch what remains of a hibiscus and it crumples to ash.

You know that Wukong is still imprisoned under the mountain. That Heaven never would have burned this place if he were free. But he isn't. And you know that he never would have wanted this, but part of you wants to scream and rage about him not being here.

The next instant, your throat burns with more than smoke inhalation. How could you even think that?

MK grabbed his throat and coughed. It was hoarse and painful from the memory. He could feel it. The heat. The smoke. His eyes watered with tears and from the very memory. Heaven did that! They burned the mountain?! All those monkeys. Why? WHY?!

"THEY DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!" MK screamed out to no one. Why? Monkey King was already under the mountain. Why do that to his home?! Wasn't beating him and the brotherhood enough?! Why did it always have to be more? More pain and more punishment? In some dark corner of his heart, MK wondered if maybe it was a good thing the world almost ended.

Maybe it was a good thing they failed to save the Jade Emperor. Oh that felt gross. That was awful.

That little thought didn't go away.

Red Son jumps at the sudden scream. "MK?!"

"IT'S NOT FAIR!" MK found himself screaming again. He covered his mouth and shook his head. Don't yell at Red Son. Red Son didn't do it!

"...It's not fair. Heaven and its stupid punishments aren't fair. They take and take and say it's for your own good. Ooooh you'll reach enlightenment. It's worth it! But you, and DBK, and Monkey King, and everyone just end up hurt and angry and sad and scared! All they do is hurt and hurt and hurt and now I'm like, you know. Maybe it's a good thing Uncy Lion-" He stopped himself and looked away.

Ah, another punishment.

Red Son paused and he moves over to MK. Hands reaching out for his shoulders.

"You know I have no love for the Celestial Realm, right?"

Re: Level U cw: immolation

noodleboi - 2024-03-12 18:09 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Level U cw: immolation

forgingfires - 2024-03-12 18:14 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Level U cw: immolation

noodleboi - 2024-03-12 18:19 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Level U cw: immolation

forgingfires - 2024-03-12 18:22 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Level U cw: immolation

noodleboi - 2024-03-12 18:24 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Level U cw: immolation

forgingfires - 2024-03-12 19:46 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Level U cw: immolation

noodleboi - 2024-03-12 19:49 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Level U cw: immolation

forgingfires - 2024-03-12 20:03 (UTC) - Expand

"MK, are you okay?!" Red Son yelped, noticing his state after he pulled out of the paper memory, rushing over to look him over.

MK looked up sharply. Oh he had to look like a fucking mess right now. He made sure to take a step back.

"I'm fine! It's not mine. It's...don't touch the blood. It's uh. It's heavy. I'm fine. I'm alright. Promise."

"You-" Red Son flared up and huffed. "You clumsy buffoon, get over here," he said, irritation from worry, and he holds out his hands, letting fire gather. "Let me dry you, that'll help the blood flake off. Did you grab clothes from the first room?"

Buffoon? Well, true but still. MK approached closer and checked his back.

"Uh...no?" Shit. He totally forgot clothes. He grabbed literally EVERYTHING ELSE! What was with this guy?

"I could make new ones, I guess." MK had plenty of hair to use. As the blood dries, he'll just start taking off his clothes. Not like anyone else was in here. Then pull out some hairs and poof! New clothes. Though his bandana is all gross. He'll pull the shadow one out of his hoodie pocket and put that on his head instead. Then try and shake the blood off said kitty hoodie.

"Still need this one. Just in case. Thanks."

Red Son huffs again. "I have clothes. It would be best you have something real, in case powers cut out. Wouldn't want to be left naked in front of an aggressive part of Macaque," he said, one hand extended to help dry MK as he reached into his bag to dig around for clothes.

Definitely not paying attention to blood splatter.

MK shaking out the blood gets you sprayed with a few drops of it. It's a particularly potent memory, nearly overwhelming.

You are Macaque, and you can't believe how awful you are.

Choco's heart game is heavy in your awareness as you prepare for you own. Endless hours meditating. Trying to fight the many distractions. Remembering Choco's pain, Epsilon's, and trying to get ready for everyone to feel yours in ways that make a seed of panic burst in your chest.

Trying to think past your realization that you're in love with Red Son, and trying to make that mesh with the fact that he loves MK more. But this isn't new; everyone that you love, loves MK more. It's just how it is. You can't blame them, the kid deserves it. But it hurts all the same, it yanks at the part of you that has only ever wanted to be loved for who you are.

--You're getting lost in thought, and you need to stop. You need to protect them. You need to focus. You need to make sure that they don't come out of your heart as broken as you were when you came out of Choco's.

Even in trying to protect the people you love, you can't avoid being the worst, letting those dark feelings creep in. It's no wonder you'll never be first for them.