castaside | [Heart Game] From the ashes we can build

Mm. Sometimes.

[ She leans gently against his side. ]

... Still hurts.

It is.

[His arm tightens around her.]

...so loneliness and the sacrifice of trying to deal with that.

Rejection, sacrifice, abandonment, loneliness ...

[ No wonder Epsilon's cracks are so prevalent in this place. ]

Loss.

[ When Donnie tightens his hold, she turns towards him just that bit more to give him a proper hug. ]

And two voids to fill. I think ... I might need a sip of hot chocolate first. Do you want some too?

Please.

[He hugs her close, face buried against her shoulder.]

Edited 2024-03-13 22:02 (UTC)

[ He's taller than her (if only slightly), but Korone still does her best to tuck her in tight and safe against herself. She pops up the pillowfort and ushers him inside without ever once letting go of him, and then pulls out the thermos. ]

Here we go. I have it on good authority that I'm a pretty good teddy bear, so let's get comfy for a few minutes.

You are an excellent teddy bear.

[Going to keep close to her and going to take the thermos to take a few sips and hold it back out.]

...so not the slippery slope.

[ Settling in as cosy as she can get. Bonus points if she's allowed to be teddy bear in his lap, ]

Aww, thank you, beloved.

[ Takes a long, long sip of hot chocolate, letting the warm sweetness and Feelings soothe her. She'll hold it back out again after, happy to share for as long as he needs it. ]

Not the slippery slope, yeah ... [ Hmm. ] ... I don't know if I like the thought, but I keep coming back to that last memory.

[She absolutely can. It also allows him to be squished a bit.]

.... [He takes a deep breath. Holds it. Let's it out.]

[His hold on her tightens.]

Sometimes.

Someone has to be that person.

No one wants to be that person.

But sometimes you have to be.

[ Getting to squish and be squished is Choco Korone's true calling in life.

She breathes with him, holding him snug and secure. Lets him tuck himself away against her shoulder if he wants to. She might even be able to offer him some quiet cooing rumbles of affection and reassurance. ]

Sometimes you have to, no matter how much it hurts. [ Does she like the thought? No. Would anyone? No.

And that feeling is fair. The pain is fair. It's reasonable, understandable. That doesn't change the fact that sometimes ...

Sometimes, you have to. ]

It was a choice made for the sake of a future he felt was worth fighting for. It hurts, it's heavy; there's no looking away from that. But it wasn't about despair.

[He he absolutely tucked against her. Trilling softly. Gentle affection. Rubbing slow circles on her back.]

[He nods against her shoulder.]

It isn't about despair.

Sometimes it has to be done. Sometimes its about protection as much as sadness and pragmatism. Its.

Its not great.

But it isn't the worst.

[ The coo settles into a slow, steady purr, soothed and soothing. ]

It was the best they could do with the hand they'd been dealt. [ She hugs him tighter, nuzzling against him where it won't risk knocking his goggles askew. ] And that's ... that's really all you can do. Your best.

... I'm glad he wasn't alone there.

...I am too.

Its always worst alone.

[He hugs her tighter. Letting out a shuddering breath.]

So. Pragmatism for one.

What was the painting like?

The ship was worried about being alone and being tossed aside.

Wanting to belong.

Suffering rejection for being different.

Deciding he had to get rid of those parts of himself, or hide them, to stand a chance of being allowed to stay.

.....

A lot of these are really bad.

I think....I think the ship might be the only one. That just...that's general loneliness. Afraid of being alone. Which isn't good, but if this room is about that...

At least he didn't want to feel it, at the end.

[ A slow nod, thoughtful, maybe a little uncertain. ]

That's what I'm leaning towards, too. There's general loneliness and the acknowledgement that it sucks, and then there's ... a lot of these others. [ A lot of these others which are all A LOT. ]

Maybe ... maybe we could try to text him? He's trusting us, but if there's a chance he can vibe check our vibe check, it might help.

...we could try that. These kind of conversations can be tricky in the heart, but it doesn't hurt.

[ Haha ... ha ... ]

Tell me about it. Wash-nii's heart really spoiled us with Feather, but even she couldn't be everywhere all the time.

[ She shifts just enough to pull out her blackberry, still without pulling away from him. ]

Feather is the you voice, right? Sounds about right. Very helpful and doing her best.

Oh, you've met her? Mm.

[ taptaptap as she types up this message, and then she tilts the screen to show him the draft:

"Macchan, Donnie and I were wondering if you might be able to vibe check our emotional math? We're in a place that feels like loneliness. We've got two voids to fill and six memories/emotions to choose from:

- not wanting to feel or be alone
- rejection for being different
- feeling like you can't measure up but trying anyway
- grief and devastation
- burying yourself for others
- doing the unthinkable to prevent something worse

We're learning towards including the last one. And then maybe either the first or the third?" ]

How's that? We didn't mention the third, but thinking back, it could be an option ...

She's been mentioned. I haven't been in Wash's heart and I didn't encounter Wash in her mode.

Slippery slope bad. I don't think we should emphasize it. It's going to exist, no way we're using all these memories, but making it a foundation is bad.

[ Ah! ]

It was the latter I was wondering about, mm. I'd know if you'd been in Wash-nii's heart. [ There is no way she wouldn't, one way or another. ]

Slippery slope is this one. [ She taps the second to last, "burying yourself for others." ] I could re-word it.

The feeling like he couldn't measure up was going back to the mountain to look after the monkeys.

Burying self is still really bad.

Nor is measuring up. Then it's like...the only way to NOT be lonely is dependent on feeling he's worth it for others?

I'm not saying it isn't. That is, I agree with you, and it's on the list as more of a … full disclosure thing. "Here's all the things we found, and here's what we're leaning towards. Does this feel right to you?" … like that.

Mm. But … on second thought, you're prob'ly right about that one, too. Those feelings of being a failure and the last resort …

[ She winces. ]

...full disclosure is good.

But also when you make your self worth dependent on others, people can get...stuck in that.

Honestly, Dokkun? It's such a same hat feeling for me, I don't know what I was thinking just now.

Re: Level S (sub 1) - East Door cw: immolation

Re: Level S (sub 1) - East Door cw: immolation

Re: Level S (sub 1) - East Door cw: immolation

Re: Level S (sub 1) - East Door cw: immolation

Re: Level S (sub 1) - East Door cw: immolation

Re: Level S (sub 1) - East Door cw: immolation

Re: Level S (sub 1) - East Door cw: immolation

Re: Level S (sub 1) - East Door cw: immolation

Re: Level S (sub 1) - East Door cw: immolation

Re: Level S (sub 1) - East Door cw: immolation

Re: Level S (sub 1) - East Door cw: immolation

Re: Level S (sub 1) - East Door cw: immolation

Re: Level S (sub 1) - East Door cw: immolation

Re: Level S (sub 1) - East Door cw: immolation

Re: Level S (sub 1) - East Door cw: immolation

Re: Level S (sub 1) - East Door cw: immolation

Re: Level S (sub 1) - East Door cw: immolation

Re: Level S (sub 1) - East Door cw: immolation

Re: Level S (sub 1) - East Door cw: immolation

Re: Level S (sub 1) - East Door cw: immolation

Re: Level S (sub 1) - East Door cw: immolation

Re: Level S (sub 1) - East Door cw: immolation

Re: Level S (sub 1) - East Door cw: immolation

Re: Level S (sub 1) - East Door cw: immolation

Re: Level S (sub 1) - East Door cw: immolation