castaside | Seasons Inbox

You just said that it was stupidity so how much do you think the technicalities really matter? You let her have the wrong impression, didn't you?

They would probably fly if the situation was just 'I might be partially the manifestation of mimicking the hero magic gone terribly awry' that can be dark magic or divine tests.
Less so when part of it is 'and then I caused rampant destruction because of poor emotional coping'

Why didn't you tell her?

Because I saw her and my brain decided it wanted to go on vacation is why.

So are you just curious if I heard or are you venting or what?

I don't know????
I realized you probably did partway through and just didn't want that hanging over my head for sure.
And now I'm in
This

State.

Sure, there was a version of Link and Zelda in the Forest, pretty sure that princess is a variation of this princess' time period, the slate seems like it wouldn't come up a lot.
But while around them, I didn't know why I was drawn to them, or why I looked like Link.
I just knew I was drawn to them and didn't realize I was a war criminal until the very end.
And by then, I was headed to Corona so I didn't have to

Deal

With any of the complications.

So basically you're worried that she'd reject you or at least have some feelings about it if you told her.

I wouldn't be excited by the feelings, though that's expected.
I could
Probably deal with that.

Its the rejection that concerns me.

i figured.

Look kid, I've lied enough in my time to know that it never ends well. She'll find out somehow and be more upset that your didn't tell her than if you were upfront.

She seemed pretty nice, i can't imagine she'd reject you for being honest.

I destroyed Hyrule's capital.
She's nice.
She's also been pushing herself to the breaking point for her duty.

So you think she deserves to have the truth hidden because you want her to like you?

Because I destroyed Hyrule's Capital because I didn't believe they would ever look my way.

Even when I was going into things knowing we'd be enemies, any form of rejection was maddening.

I have no idea what I'd do if I was rejected while I had hope.

[He frankly doesn't trust himself.]

You care about her, right?

Its literally impossible for me to not care about her.
Trust me.
I tried.

Then probably don't be an ass to her by hiding things.

Better than trying to kill her because my self control goes out the window when it involves them.
Uuuuuugh.

How good is Lucifer's hotel place?

So you have so little self control that if she had some complicated feelings you'd try to kill her?

I'm pretty biased, but I've seen two people there and they are both quite good.

I can't say I wouldn't try.

I've never had to try and have self control around them in any meaningful way.

It was always just kneejerk thing.

They're

If you asked me to choose Zelda or Phi to save from a permanent death, I would save Zelda and I wouldn't hesitate.
I'd hate that I failed Phi.
But I still wouldn't hesitate.

That's how deep the everything goes when it concerns them.

Kid, do you know how long I used that excuse for?

All you're talking about is yourself. How can you claim to care about someone when you're being cruel to them? You can call it lying by omission or whatever and claim it's all technicalities, but what you would sacrifice to save her doesn't mean much if you're not going to treat her with respect.

[Somewhere, there is a bit of an unhinged laughter.]

I'm not saying its about care.
Care is simple.
Care has a logic to it to BE care.
There is a certain level of I guess altruism? to care.

I care about Phi.
I can follow the logic there.
I can recognize my violent overprotectiveness upsets her and I will lose her if I don't calm down about it.
And that is enough to force myself to calm down about it.

I have literally just met this princess and everything in me is screaming to hoard her away.
Keep her from all those terrible responsibilities and the dangers and keep her all to myself.
I want to lock her in a damn tower.

It is literally only because my Zelda, my actual princess believed I could be better I am forcing myself to recognize that is an awful way to go about things and will mean I won't ever have her look at me in the way I want.

This isn't about care.
This is about the fact I am a fucked up shadow creature who only has negative emotions that actually work right and want to both be owned and possess two specific people and all iterations of their soul because of some instinctive imperative to be as close as possible.

It would frankly be irresponsible of me to not assume the absolute worst of myself if any interaction with her went south.
Because all of my history supports me not doing well.

So.

I need a lot of coping mechanisms and plans so I don't try to murder her in a bloodlust like I tried to do my actual owner several times when he rejected me and I was braced for it.

Because I have been in these places long enough to know the truth will come out eventually.

I just don't want to raze the earth around her when it does.

That is unbelievably fucked.

So the plan is to get therapy and then tell her the truth and hope she doesn't take all the lying too badly?

[Another laugh. At least a bit less unhinged.]

There is a reason I like having an owner.
I know how it sounds to most people.
Massacre, I think, was a living weapon, and Gio was a guard dog, both of whom liked their positions, and they were very formative for me in the Forest as an amnesiac because they were the ones who made the most sense.
I am an extremely fucked up creature.
Thankfully I am fairly cognizant when my emotions aren't in control.
I can recognize things.

And probably have you on standby to yank me across Ellipsa until I rip through enough monsters to cool down the anger.

I don't know when that will be.

I usually had to be terribly injured to cool down the other times.

Or died.

One of those.

Choco can use shadow portals too.

Choco can't grab me if I don't want her to grab me.

So you want me to yank you around when I decide it's for your own good. Sure, what could go wrong?

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