MK leans into the grooming. "Okay good. Then we should talk about Candid first. Even if he apologizes, or when probably since you told him to, unless it's really good, I'll accept it but he's not forgiven."
"He was probably going to get there on his own, I just encouraged it. But I don't expect you to forgive him, kiddo. I haven't, not entirely. But I do want to give him the same chance I was given to do better."
"To be honest with you, if he was going to get to it on his own, it was going to be a while. He knows better than any clone to reach out first and see if I'm open to talking. He never did. But now I'm pretty sure he will. He does what you tell him to. I'm like 99% sure you are the most important person in his life."
"Hm. Maybe so. I did have to remind him that there can be nothing between us unless he respects you as my mate."
"If that's true, just know that he's not the most important person in my life. And I'm talk to him about the doing everything I say bit too. Maybe I can adjust how I talk to him to avoid that. I just hadn't noticed."
"I think he has to figure out what respecting me as your mate even looks like first. For him, anyway. And don't tell him what it should look like or he'll just copy that."
MK nuzzles up against Macaque's chin. "I know he isn't. But you are to him. So do what you think is best. I just can't forgive him for my part. I'll think about not icing him out so much. But he's gotta prove he actually wants to be included and not just stand there making snarky judgmental comments. I don't need that and I don't want it."
"I didn't tell him what it should look like. I said that his relationship with you was above my pay grade but that there had to be respect at least. I'm sticking with that. I won't give him specifics."
"It's wild that he has such a different attitude with me than with you. Not surprising, I guess, just strange. Maybe he thinks if he accommodates me enough I'll forgive him fully or something. I'll have to correct that. I don't have my shit together enough to be anyone's emotional guru."
"I can understand not wanting him just being a judgmental asshole to you and the others, of course. I just don't think icing him out or yelling at him is going to help. It never helped me. I just dug in deeper when I felt like I was alone in the world. There are in-between measures that I think might get better results."
"Cool. We're on the same page then on that whole stuff. I mean...I guess to me it's not so strange. I mean, he was willing to do that stuff in the Heart Game for you and Red Son. He's put you both up on top of his priority list," MK idly starts to groom Macaque's chest.
"I'll work on it. I'm still mad but you got a point. It doesn't help to just be angry and ignore him. I'll find some middle ground. Don't need him trying to act all buddy buddy and then steal my powers or something," He gives a little gremlin smile and nudges Macaque's shoulder with his forehead, clearly just being cheeky with the reference to their past.
"I'll get with Red and make sure that he and I are on the same page with making sure that Candid doesn't get instructions from us. At least specific ones."
"You deserve to be mad, kiddo. What he did was beyond the pale. I probably wouldn't have even forgiven him halfway if it hadn't been for you and Wukong and everyone else giving me another chance after how I acted when we first met. I don't want to deny that to someone else. After all, I tried to kill you too."
"I know. And I get it. No judgments there. Your relationship with him is yours. And mine is mine but he's also my clone so I'll work on things. At least being civil so he doesn't feel abandoned. And he can work on proving to me he actually wants to earn my forgiveness and not expecting it. I think we're good there. Do you?"
"I think after the tearing down he got from the former Azure Grimoire he knows what he needs too work on. The rest he can figure out himself. It'll mean more if it comes from him and not via me or Red." Macaque gets that much, at least.
"He also ran through a revised version of my heart game so that might have helped too. Time will tell. He saw a lot of memories of how much I love you."
"I hope we're good. But if you notice him being weird about me definitely let me know. I've had my fill of codependent relationships."
"Yeah. That spicy Azure me sure is spicy," MK said with a nod. "He got a talking to by more than just you too. He should be calming down, especially with Candid," MK nods.
"Okay. I hoped that helped him and you. Since that's what Heart Games are all about." Even if MK still thinks they're dumb.
"We're good and on the same page. If he starts acting sus, I'll tell you." MK kisses Macaque on the cheek.
"That's all the Candid stuff. Only thing I got left is the jealousy stuff. Which is more serious so if you got anything you want to talk to about first, we can put that on the back burner."
"Okay." MK takes a breath and moves to straddle Macaque so they can just look each other in the eye more easily.
"I burned my jealousy out, that want for something that was just mine, because some part of me kept looking for more. It was driving me up the wall and that's why I burned it in Eve's Heart Game. I knew it could help her more. Help her to move forward with Korone and Donnie. Make the three of them happier and give her that drive I think she was looking for."
"And I never wanted it back. I was trying to keep it from coming back. That's why it was all still burned up in my Heart Game. Because I was resisting it. And then the Azure Grimoire filled it up with some part of himself when he took Cole and Wukong to the museum to show it to them. And I liked that it was gone. I felt a lot happier and I felt like I could put it behind me and be just in the moment. Does that make sense?"
"For the record, I wasn't going to ask to have it ripped out or do it myself. I more wanted to talk to you about it, which is why I asked what would happen if I ripped it out. It was a hypothetical. And then suddenly the construction MK just tore it apart. I didn't ask him to."
"Anyway. So he did it because you saying it was unhealthy and asking what would happen, I felt like that was what you wanted. ...And I have a real hard time saying no to you. I haven't really had it like happen before where you were like, X and even though I didn't want X, I would do it until now. But I realized with this dream...I am really bad at saying no to you. So yeah."
"I think it was unhealthy. It's the same thing I did with my brain surgery, and if there's one thing I learned from all that mess it's that blocking your feelings isn't the right way to cope with something that causes you pain. I like that it's gone, I just don't like how it happened. Because I believe you're strong enough to conquer your jealousy, kiddo. And I'll help you."
He huffs a sigh. "So you and Candid have sort of the same problem, I guess."
"I don't think I was back then. Strong enough, I mean. Maybe now after everything but back when I did it? I really don't think I was. Maybe now. Things have changed since them. I'll try but I'm gonna also try and like push it to fill up with something else. Try to make sure if any of my jealousy comes back it's small and quiet. I don't want to feel that way again..."
MK squishes Macaque's cheeks.
"Candid's issue is he's a codependent mess. My issue is you're too charming, handsome, and sexy to say no to. Which is my own problem. Don't stop being you."
Anther light sigh. "That jealousy is part of you, kiddo. My kiddo. I'm not sure that filling it up will solve the problem. The answer is working on it with the people you love and maybe whatever therapist you're seeing. I get that feeling that way hurts, believe me I get it, but you'll be better off if you do this the healthy way, and so will all the people you love."
And then a soft laugh. "I guess you have a point there. So long as you know that you can say no to me and it won't change anything."
"...Maybe but you get why I'm terrified of it, don't you? Why it scares me? Things are going good right now and I never ever want to do anything like what I did before again. I was so in control with it all filled up. And I like that feeling. I like being in control. The jealousy made me feel like I wasn't. That nothing was in my control." MK sighs and presses his forehead to Macaque's.
"I'll try. I'll try to work it out and work on it your way. But if I start losing myself to it again...I'm scared that is going to change something. I'm scared it'll ruin everything."
"I get why you're scared of it, of course I do. What do you think I was feeling when I asked Donnie to root around in my brain and turn my feelings off? And I felt better when he did. Instantly better. But then what I did hurt Wukong, hurt you, hurt everyone, all because I wanted to close off my feelings rather than deal with them. I'm still dealing with them, honestly. Wukong being my mate again didn't fix everything. And I can understand your jealousy too, because I have it when I think about you and Wukong. But I'm handling it because you're both too important to me to either not handle it or try to mess with my feelings all over again."
"People aren't supposed to suppress their feelings so they feel more in control, kiddo. They're supposed to figure out how to have the feelings and also be okay."
He gives MK a tight squeeze. "You won't ruin anything with me. I promise. We tried breaking up and we couldn't even do it for one whole day, so I know that I can't live without you. Jealousy and all."
"By the way, if there's anything about me that gets your jealousy riled up, I want to hear about it. That's how we work through these feelings."
MK looks up at Macaque and his eyes soften in that way MK's eyes do when he's emotional. They shine almost. Not from tears at least. He swallows as his throat feels tight and a little dry suddenly. His heart clenches like it's being hugged. He makes a soft monkey noise. Not of distress but of almost wonder.
"Okay," The word is soft and vulnerable. "I'll try. Because I have you. All of you. I'll tell you if it riles up. I'll do my best to work through it. And I believe you." He just leans his head on Macaque's shoulder and hugs his mate for a long moment. He just needs that safe contact. He tries to quiet the part of him that wants to tell him he has no reason to ever feel jealous.
Maybe he doesn't need a reason. Maybe it just happens and he can bring it up without feeling like he's ruining things. He's going to try.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Re: After dream event
"Alright. I guess to start. You remember being in my dream-space-place-thing?"
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"If that's true, just know that he's not the most important person in my life. And I'm talk to him about the doing everything I say bit too. Maybe I can adjust how I talk to him to avoid that. I just hadn't noticed."
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MK nuzzles up against Macaque's chin. "I know he isn't. But you are to him. So do what you think is best. I just can't forgive him for my part. I'll think about not icing him out so much. But he's gotta prove he actually wants to be included and not just stand there making snarky judgmental comments. I don't need that and I don't want it."
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"It's wild that he has such a different attitude with me than with you. Not surprising, I guess, just strange. Maybe he thinks if he accommodates me enough I'll forgive him fully or something. I'll have to correct that. I don't have my shit together enough to be anyone's emotional guru."
"I can understand not wanting him just being a judgmental asshole to you and the others, of course. I just don't think icing him out or yelling at him is going to help. It never helped me. I just dug in deeper when I felt like I was alone in the world. There are in-between measures that I think might get better results."
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"I'll work on it. I'm still mad but you got a point. It doesn't help to just be angry and ignore him. I'll find some middle ground. Don't need him trying to act all buddy buddy and then steal my powers or something," He gives a little gremlin smile and nudges Macaque's shoulder with his forehead, clearly just being cheeky with the reference to their past.
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"I'll get with Red and make sure that he and I are on the same page with making sure that Candid doesn't get instructions from us. At least specific ones."
"You deserve to be mad, kiddo. What he did was beyond the pale. I probably wouldn't have even forgiven him halfway if it hadn't been for you and Wukong and everyone else giving me another chance after how I acted when we first met. I don't want to deny that to someone else. After all, I tried to kill you too."
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"I know. And I get it. No judgments there. Your relationship with him is yours. And mine is mine but he's also my clone so I'll work on things. At least being civil so he doesn't feel abandoned. And he can work on proving to me he actually wants to earn my forgiveness and not expecting it. I think we're good there. Do you?"
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"He also ran through a revised version of my heart game so that might have helped too. Time will tell. He saw a lot of memories of how much I love you."
"I hope we're good. But if you notice him being weird about me definitely let me know. I've had my fill of codependent relationships."
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"Okay. I hoped that helped him and you. Since that's what Heart Games are all about." Even if MK still thinks they're dumb.
"We're good and on the same page. If he starts acting sus, I'll tell you." MK kisses Macaque on the cheek.
"That's all the Candid stuff. Only thing I got left is the jealousy stuff. Which is more serious so if you got anything you want to talk to about first, we can put that on the back burner."
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"I don't have anything else that I want to go before the jealousy stuff, whatever that is."
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"I burned my jealousy out, that want for something that was just mine, because some part of me kept looking for more. It was driving me up the wall and that's why I burned it in Eve's Heart Game. I knew it could help her more. Help her to move forward with Korone and Donnie. Make the three of them happier and give her that drive I think she was looking for."
"And I never wanted it back. I was trying to keep it from coming back. That's why it was all still burned up in my Heart Game. Because I was resisting it. And then the Azure Grimoire filled it up with some part of himself when he took Cole and Wukong to the museum to show it to them. And I liked that it was gone. I felt a lot happier and I felt like I could put it behind me and be just in the moment. Does that make sense?"
Re: After dream event
"For the record, I wasn't going to ask to have it ripped out or do it myself. I more wanted to talk to you about it, which is why I asked what would happen if I ripped it out. It was a hypothetical. And then suddenly the construction MK just tore it apart. I didn't ask him to."
Re: After dream event
"Anyway. So he did it because you saying it was unhealthy and asking what would happen, I felt like that was what you wanted. ...And I have a real hard time saying no to you. I haven't really had it like happen before where you were like, X and even though I didn't want X, I would do it until now. But I realized with this dream...I am really bad at saying no to you. So yeah."
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He huffs a sigh. "So you and Candid have sort of the same problem, I guess."
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MK squishes Macaque's cheeks.
"Candid's issue is he's a codependent mess. My issue is you're too charming, handsome, and sexy to say no to. Which is my own problem. Don't stop being you."
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And then a soft laugh. "I guess you have a point there. So long as you know that you can say no to me and it won't change anything."
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"I'll try. I'll try to work it out and work on it your way. But if I start losing myself to it again...I'm scared that is going to change something. I'm scared it'll ruin everything."
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"People aren't supposed to suppress their feelings so they feel more in control, kiddo. They're supposed to figure out how to have the feelings and also be okay."
He gives MK a tight squeeze. "You won't ruin anything with me. I promise. We tried breaking up and we couldn't even do it for one whole day, so I know that I can't live without you. Jealousy and all."
"By the way, if there's anything about me that gets your jealousy riled up, I want to hear about it. That's how we work through these feelings."
Re: After dream event
"Okay," The word is soft and vulnerable. "I'll try. Because I have you. All of you. I'll tell you if it riles up. I'll do my best to work through it. And I believe you." He just leans his head on Macaque's shoulder and hugs his mate for a long moment. He just needs that safe contact. He tries to quiet the part of him that wants to tell him he has no reason to ever feel jealous.
Maybe he doesn't need a reason. Maybe it just happens and he can bring it up without feeling like he's ruining things. He's going to try.
"I love you."
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"I love you too, kiddo. And hey, look at us having a whole real conversation without being all over each other and avoiding the issues."
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"Oh my goodness, you're right. We haven't even done any sloppy kissing. I think we're, GASP!" Yes. He says the word.
"We're being grown mature adults right now!"
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