castaside | Seasons Inbox

Lucifer gets a sweet kiss on the corner of his mouth as Macaque climbs into his lap. "You're right that I need to unpack things..."

"I had been thinking I'd try doing that with him. But it never seems the right time, or that he has enough mental energy for it, or that I can get the words out. He's just--"

"He was my life. For so long. And now I have a much bigger world, which I think is good for us. But I never know how he is with that."

Lucifer smiles and returns the kiss to Macaque's cheeks. He pets his hair as he speaks.

"Hear me out. Maybe unpacking it with someone else, and him unpacking things with someone else, and you both coming together to start unpacked and ready to proceed would help? It may be worth an attempt. It can't hurt to try, right?"

"Is this you offering to unpack me?"

What, he can have a little innuendo with his processing.

"I will unpack you any day, love. So yes~" Lucifer nuzzles those ears.

"And after, I'll give you a nice reward~"

"I suppose that's a fair trade off." he kisses Lucifer first though because genuinely this is a nice thing he's offering to do.

"I'm not sure where to start. I think part of me has been expecting things to be as they were back then, when neither of us is the same person that we were then. I can't seem to break out of those expectations. Maybe it's that it's the first time I was happy in my life, for a while anyway, and I have unreasonable nostalgia about it or something."

Lucifer kisses back and keeps petting Macaque's hair.

"You said earlier he was your entire world. Is that part of these expecting things to be as they were? And the good, the bad, or both of what they were?"

"No, I don't think so. I want the people I love to have a part of me, too. I can't be all Wukong's anymore. Besides, I know quite well that one of the reasons we didn't work is that my focus being entirely on him wasn't exactly healthy." But it was his first relationship of any kind, so. It happens. There's only so much he can kick his own ass about it.

"I just... keep expecting him to be who he was. We'll be laying around and he won't be trying to run off anywhere. And as much as I like that, I'll feel weird because it's like I can't predict him anymore. Like I don't really know him anymore. And then I wonder if he really knows me. It's an easy spiral to get into."

"Okay. So him not being so flighty. Not needing to go off and do something, just being there with you, feels unpredictable because it doesn't match what was. And because of that, you wonder about the knowing one another. Let me ask you then, what can you name that you know about Wukong for sure? The things that are still there from the past."

Macaque smiles fondly. "He's still confident in himself, especially about his fighting abilities. He cares about the people he's close to, even if he's not close to as many people as he once was. He's still a giant idiot about both of these things." (Affectionate.)

"It's not really the amount of changes that bother me, though. It's the feeling like maybe there's distance between us now and the fact that I can't predict him is emblematic of that. I don't want there to be distance."

That fond smile is so cute. Those are all certainly things that are true about Wukong, even still.

"That distance. Tell me more. How do you feel it divides you? Emotionally? Physically? Or something else?"

"...Am I a jerk if I say physically?"

"--Look, I can get by without constantly getting some or I wouldn't be with Wash, but Wukong's libido being dead really threw me. Still does. He's all sweet and affectionate but it's so -- gentle. And sweet. And not at all like before."

"Not at all. Needs, physical and emotional are important. Alright. So his libido is decreased. Quite significantly, as he's told me before. Let me ask you then. The way it was before. How ravenous was he? And did you enjoy it and how so?"

Lucifer knows this is getting into something very personal so he quickly adds. "I will not tell a soul we talked about this. I do think it is important and well. With how often you and I have sex, I hope we're comfortable enough to talk about this with one another. If not, let me know but this feels important."

How the hell to say this... (He's fine talking about sex in general but this specific topic about this specific person...

"You-- you know how I get!" With being shoved around, being dominated. He's not blushing just at the very tips of his ears, shut up. "All that's from him. That's where I learned to like it. And I won't say I was expecting the same, but you know, hope springs eternal."

"The one time he even gave it up it was just really... sweet? And not at all what I thought or remembered. Look, I like sweet, you know that, it's just..."

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Lucifer loves that blushing. It's adorable but he doesn't say anything. Out loud. But his eyes do. Oh. He knows.

"So he, back then, was a dominant powerful lover. And you became attuned to it. Let me ask something a bit more personal. Just a curiosity. The first time he was so dominant with you. Did you enjoy it from the get go? Or was it something that took time? I only ask because of how you said that. I hope it isn't too invasive."

"He'd never let someone else take anything resembling a lead back then. I had time to get to know him before we started screwing around of course, so I had no delusions about how it would go. I'd have thought I'd hate it, but boy did I ever not hate it."

He's over the blushing now, sorry Lucifer.

So cute.

"Alright. So it was a discovery of something you quite liked too. And that was the norm. For a while. But now it no longer is. When he was soft and the two of you had sex, what did you feel after? During the cuddling and pillow talk?"

"Some combination of utterly in love and slightly disappointed that he didn't use me to put a crack the floor."

You wanted honesty, Lucifer.

Oh he did. And he is glad for it.

"Now let's focus on that. Utterly in love. Glad for the contact. But a slight missing of being used and cracking the floor. I want to focus on that use word. Do you like being objectified or is it you want a good hard super strength fucking?"

"Why, are you hitting on me right now?" he asks with a grin.

"The latter. Objectification I'll do but it's not my favorite. But who wouldn't like to get utterly railed now and then? It's liberating."

"Only slightly but I also want clarification," Lucifer says with a wink.

"Because use and utterly rail are different. Use is easy to say, of course. But defining terms is important. Now. That level of sex. Rough, hard, powerful sex. Being honest, how important is it to have that with each of your partners to you?"

"I'll take it." Flirting good.

"Importance depends on where I am at the time, I guess. Having this many partners there's usually someone willing to screw around if I need to for coping or closeness. And if all else fails I call MK for a booty call."

"I feel ridiculous that sex is this important to me. Maybe it's because back then, we didn't really have much emotional intimacy and the physical was what I hung into. And now our relationship is primarily emotional and not physical. Aside from cuddling and whatnot."

"Noted. Also I'll make sure you and MK have a room reserved on the Lust floor for Sinsmas. Since I'm certain you'll use it unless you want to fool around in front of others again with him. Or me. Or someone else," Lucifer wiggles his eyebrows.

"So physical pleasure in place of emotional intimacy. Now you have the emotional but the physical balance feels...how would you put it? Off or another word?"

"I'd appreciate the room." Even though he has a room there already but maybe it'll be a fun themed situation.

Macaque chuckles at the eyebrow waggle.

"Not off, just different. Like I have a new pair of boots and they're not quite fitted to my feet yet and they need to be broken in."

"Then, hear me out. Perhaps after we unpack things, you and Wukong should go on a romantic getaway together? To be together, emotionally intimate, and see if the physical sparks when it's just you two together. At the location of your choice."

Hm, interesting.

"Not a bad idea. Assuming it's okay with Emeth." That's very important. "We've never done anything like that before. In the past our trips were always to bust something.

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