"I do. I want you to get mad at me. I hurt your mate. I killed him. You should be as mad at me as I'm mad at myself, but people just keep talking," he said, taking another long drink.
"He said it's how they communicated. How he reassured him. Adjust to monkeyness. Maybe MK needs that. Maybe....maybe he would open up more. Maybe he would....I don't wanna say he's distrusting us, but stop doing the thing where it feels like that," he said and sniffles. "He's hurting so much, Mac. He's hurting so much all the time and I took away the thing that helps the most."
"I can hit you, and I can yell, but you can't make me angry at you. If you want to get hit sit up, or your head will damage the floor." And the floor will damage his head.
He reaches out and strokes through that unruly hair, careful not to catch his fingers in it. "Try it if you like, when he can. It can't hurt. But I don't think changing who you are and how you interact with your mate is necessary. Hurts can be soothed in more than one way." Wukong seems(?) to be thinking that he and MK are fine so therefore everyone should do as he does? Which is a little nuts if you ask Macaque. Relationships are a partnership anyway, so it's not solely on Red to figure out how to interact with MK to make him better, it's a discussion, a give and take, and it results in something unique to them. That's his thought, anyway.
"You should. You have so much anger. Take it out on me," he said, forcing himself to sit up.
Only to immediately flop down the other way.
He is quite drunk. As evidence by his hair being kind of sticky, some has spilled.
"What I said. Can't hurt to give more affection. 'cept when affection hurts MK," he said.
"Been changing....changing for MK for months. Less villainy. Trying...trying to learn to help people. Trying to...to care 'bout the world a little. Didn't care about the world at all, world didn't care 'bout me, but MK loves it so....so wanted to try. For him and Mei. Changed for Saya too. Learn how to...talk about things. Feelings. Not great, but trying and she helped and then I could help MK and we...we talked so well in your heart, even with the rage incident...but apparently not enough. I still make decisions that will just break MK," he said, before finishing off the bottle.
"I know how hard you've been trying. It's hard to hear from Wukong of all people that your efforts aren't good enough. But they are, Red. Just ask MK, who is the only person who gets to decide whether your comfort mechanisms are good for him. Wukong doesn't know the inside of your relationship, and how could he?"
"You made a decision in shit circumstances to try and make things hurt overall less for MK and the rest of us. I get that, and MK will too."
He winces at discussion of "the rage incident" but there's nothing for it.
"What if MK said something?" Red Son said. "He said...said MK is always fine in the castle, but he gets crushed when he leaves. He talks to Wukong about his relationships to figure out the problems. Maybe he's just miserable when I try to help his problems," he said.
He reaches over for a bag on the ground. He sticks his hand in and pulls out a large bottle that shouldn't have fit. Hamnersoace bag is packing.
"He said I should stop making decisions. Probably just 'bout MK, but maybe he thinks all of them. I know he'd prefer if I stopped bugging him, so maybe he just hates my decisions."
Macaque's tail sweeps around to try and gently pry the bottle away. You've had enough, Red.
"Whether you're helping MK or not is between you and MK. Wukong is only seeing one side of it and apparently only thinking about one side of it. He's trying to help MK but that only means it's worth considering and talking with MK about whether he wants it, not that you necessarily need to do it unilaterally or you're fucking MK up for good."
More sighing. Wukong, what did you do?
"The decision thing is also MK's call. MK and your together. If you sit here and decide that without MK then that's terrible relationshipping. Wukong's opinion is only one, and you can take it into account, but don't decide it on your own, and certainly don't resign yourself to everything you do being shit without talking to him."
Red Son grumbles and he wraps an arm around the bottle and rolls away to try and keep hold of the bottle as he messes with the cap.
Hunching more as he talks. "...he's right though. I could have let MK kill me. If we weren't all trying to survive...all survive means you would have to handle MK but you were compromised and I wasn't good at fighting 'cause of the game and Eve didn't seem that heavy of a hitter...but I could last at least two rounds with MK with the items. I could have seen that solution at the time. Eve and you fight the probable Lady Bone Demon, I keep MK distracted at least two rounds, maybe a few more if I'm lucky, and it might have given you and Eve enough time to finish the big enemy before MK could kill you. Then he just had to never, ever see me again, but he'd be fine with all of you."
Taking. That. Bottle. Just try to fight his strength while plastered, go on.
"If you think he'd be "fine" with all of us and without you, then no amount of hitting will knock any sense into you."
He softens his somewhat harsh tone. "Wukong messed with your head again, Red. MK will come back, and you have to have your shit together when he does. If he sees this, he'll never get better, he'll only feel more guilty."
"Give it back," he whined, reaching to grab it, but no. He can't out strength monkey tail right now. He can't even sit up properly. Still, he tries, trying to climb over Macaque to reach it.
"He'll probably call. He wouldn't wanna be surprised by me right now. Gotta warn me so I don't do anything stupid," he said, flopping on Macaque. "Like I did. Like I always do. I hurt him a lot. Don't know why he wants me. Can't even help him properly..."
He could flip the bottle into a portal at any time, but at least Red is moving. Sort of. He wraps both arms around him while his tail keeps the bottle out of reach.
"You can't help him properly because you're too busy listening to Wukong and getting shitfaced and thinking the worst. I kind of want to hit you for my own reasons right now." But instead he just holds him.
"He's never miserable with Wukong," Red Son said, still lamely trying to get at the bottle, but mostly he's getting held. "No matter how bad things get, he can go to Wukong. I make him miserable. Made him miserable for months. Hurt him with the full moons. Hurt him now."
"I'm bad. Was always bad, don't know what I expected."
"And yet he chose you. He chose you first. If all he wanted was Wukong," and boy if saying that doesn't hit really badly, "he could have had that. Are you really going to turn your back on him now? Choose for him?"
"I don't want to turn my back on him. Wukong said I shouldn't choose either. And shouldn't depend on others to help fix things either which makes no sense," Red Son said, flopping against him. "I don't want to turn my back on him. Don't want to lose him. Lose my damned mind when I think I can't have him."
Way to remind Macaque that he's never been and never will be first to anyone.
But he holds on anyway, because that never stopped him from being devoted. "Then don't. It's not as difficult as you're making it. He gets to choose. Let him. Wukong doesn't get to choose for him either."
"You have to talk to him about that. Preferably while sober." Because this right here is a disaster and MK should never know about it, he'd die of guilt on the spot.
He rubs down Red's back. "Neither you nor Wukong get to sit in a room without him and decide how hurt he is or how to fix it. He deserves to be part of that discussion. All you have is Wukong's opinion. So he says that he's the only one who doesn't hurt MK? That's between him and MK. What's between you and MK is between the two of you. Wukong can give suggestions but it's not up to you to take them without consulting MK about it. Maybe he wants you to do what Wukong does, and if so I'd bet my ears that you'd be willing. But you don't know that yet. The Monkey King is hardly an expert on relationships, and definitely isn't an expert on the one you and MK have with each other."
"You know I'll be sober in a...in a few hours," he muttered, burying his face against his chest.
"MK wouldn't complain though....he'd....he'd let me treat him terribly if it meant he could keep me," he said, gripping Macaque's shirt. "He has no problems with Wukong, but I hurt him a lot and took his touch."
He starts to shake, the tears falling faster. "What if all my decisions are just the worst for him?"
He gives Red a squeeze despite how fucking obnoxious he's being. He's drunk and sad, or happens. Like Macaque after his fight with MK.
"Then tell him you need honesty about his hurts. There's nothing else anytime can do, since hurts happen in every relationship eventually, it'll even happen to the Great She Equal to Heaven eventually. Treating him like a monkey, whatever that means, isn't a substitute for that."
"He'll stay with you as you work through it. And so will I."
"Lotta grooming and simple sounds, 'parently. Which is hard. I can't purr on command and if I moo, he's gonna be...be so weird about it," he said. He's absolutely going to coo about it being cute or something and Red Son WILL die.
He makes another small whine and buries himself further against him. Curling up against him. At least he seems to have stopped going for the bottle. "I didn't wanna hurt him..."
"Do you want me to teach you our chirping? If you can't make the sounds, you could make a device that creates them for you." If that would make him feel more secure...
"Beyond that, just have faith in him. You love each other. If you tell him that it's important to you that he express his hurts, he'll try his best."
"You're smart enough to counter the stupid. We can approximate the monkey stuff. Build a nest together, rather than using his all the time. Make the device with chirps on it with his input. Make sure that if you're talking, you're holding him or grooming him. And a lot of things that he might suggest, too."
"It's not as complicated as you're making it, Red. You're upset and you have a right to be, but there's a difference between that and despairing. You want to be better for him, so do something. You're good at doing things."
"We did build his nest together in his room...don't know how often he has other people in it," Red Son muttered. With Macaque's scent all over them both and how much of Wukong is on MK, it can be hard to say where the scent is coming FROM. "Maybe a special nest...do finally have spare room expansions now. Maybe another present like his art room..."
"Maybe...maybe try to make the noises and...adjust. In a program. Since his noises might not work the same? Like talking to yourself. Unless he can self soothe that way. Maybe that's a thing, he does talk to himself." MK can be very chatty to himself sometimes.
"I do. I just...I don't know how to help him right now," he said. "Since a bunch of that I...can't really fully utilize." Not until MK is okay with touch.
"You can make the chirping device, I'll bet he'd get a kick out of it. But maybe the point is less to do something that you've devised will help and more just... spending time. You don't have to be talking about heavy issues every moment to be helping him."
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"He said it's how they communicated. How he reassured him. Adjust to monkeyness. Maybe MK needs that. Maybe....maybe he would open up more. Maybe he would....I don't wanna say he's distrusting us, but stop doing the thing where it feels like that," he said and sniffles. "He's hurting so much, Mac. He's hurting so much all the time and I took away the thing that helps the most."
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He reaches out and strokes through that unruly hair, careful not to catch his fingers in it. "Try it if you like, when he can. It can't hurt. But I don't think changing who you are and how you interact with your mate is necessary. Hurts can be soothed in more than one way." Wukong seems(?) to be thinking that he and MK are fine so therefore everyone should do as he does? Which is a little nuts if you ask Macaque. Relationships are a partnership anyway, so it's not solely on Red to figure out how to interact with MK to make him better, it's a discussion, a give and take, and it results in something unique to them. That's his thought, anyway.
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Only to immediately flop down the other way.
He is quite drunk. As evidence by his hair being kind of sticky, some has spilled.
"What I said. Can't hurt to give more affection. 'cept when affection hurts MK," he said.
"Been changing....changing for MK for months. Less villainy. Trying...trying to learn to help people. Trying to...to care 'bout the world a little. Didn't care about the world at all, world didn't care 'bout me, but MK loves it so....so wanted to try. For him and Mei. Changed for Saya too. Learn how to...talk about things. Feelings. Not great, but trying and she helped and then I could help MK and we...we talked so well in your heart, even with the rage incident...but apparently not enough. I still make decisions that will just break MK," he said, before finishing off the bottle.
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"I know how hard you've been trying. It's hard to hear from Wukong of all people that your efforts aren't good enough. But they are, Red. Just ask MK, who is the only person who gets to decide whether your comfort mechanisms are good for him. Wukong doesn't know the inside of your relationship, and how could he?"
"You made a decision in shit circumstances to try and make things hurt overall less for MK and the rest of us. I get that, and MK will too."
He winces at discussion of "the rage incident" but there's nothing for it.
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He reaches over for a bag on the ground. He sticks his hand in and pulls out a large bottle that shouldn't have fit. Hamnersoace bag is packing.
"He said I should stop making decisions. Probably just 'bout MK, but maybe he thinks all of them. I know he'd prefer if I stopped bugging him, so maybe he just hates my decisions."
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"Whether you're helping MK or not is between you and MK. Wukong is only seeing one side of it and apparently only thinking about one side of it. He's trying to help MK but that only means it's worth considering and talking with MK about whether he wants it, not that you necessarily need to do it unilaterally or you're fucking MK up for good."
More sighing. Wukong, what did you do?
"The decision thing is also MK's call. MK and your together. If you sit here and decide that without MK then that's terrible relationshipping. Wukong's opinion is only one, and you can take it into account, but don't decide it on your own, and certainly don't resign yourself to everything you do being shit without talking to him."
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Hunching more as he talks. "...he's right though. I could have let MK kill me. If we weren't all trying to survive...all survive means you would have to handle MK but you were compromised and I wasn't good at fighting 'cause of the game and Eve didn't seem that heavy of a hitter...but I could last at least two rounds with MK with the items. I could have seen that solution at the time. Eve and you fight the probable Lady Bone Demon, I keep MK distracted at least two rounds, maybe a few more if I'm lucky, and it might have given you and Eve enough time to finish the big enemy before MK could kill you. Then he just had to never, ever see me again, but he'd be fine with all of you."
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"If you think he'd be "fine" with all of us and without you, then no amount of hitting will knock any sense into you."
He softens his somewhat harsh tone. "Wukong messed with your head again, Red. MK will come back, and you have to have your shit together when he does. If he sees this, he'll never get better, he'll only feel more guilty."
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"He'll probably call. He wouldn't wanna be surprised by me right now. Gotta warn me so I don't do anything stupid," he said, flopping on Macaque. "Like I did. Like I always do. I hurt him a lot. Don't know why he wants me. Can't even help him properly..."
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"You can't help him properly because you're too busy listening to Wukong and getting shitfaced and thinking the worst. I kind of want to hit you for my own reasons right now." But instead he just holds him.
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"I'm bad. Was always bad, don't know what I expected."
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But he holds on anyway, because that never stopped him from being devoted. "Then don't. It's not as difficult as you're making it. He gets to choose. Let him. Wukong doesn't get to choose for him either."
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"I just...I want to stop hurting him, Mac," he said and then there's the sniffles. "I want him to stop hurting all the time. Why can't I help him?"
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He rubs down Red's back. "Neither you nor Wukong get to sit in a room without him and decide how hurt he is or how to fix it. He deserves to be part of that discussion. All you have is Wukong's opinion. So he says that he's the only one who doesn't hurt MK? That's between him and MK. What's between you and MK is between the two of you. Wukong can give suggestions but it's not up to you to take them without consulting MK about it. Maybe he wants you to do what Wukong does, and if so I'd bet my ears that you'd be willing. But you don't know that yet. The Monkey King is hardly an expert on relationships, and definitely isn't an expert on the one you and MK have with each other."
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"MK wouldn't complain though....he'd....he'd let me treat him terribly if it meant he could keep me," he said, gripping Macaque's shirt. "He has no problems with Wukong, but I hurt him a lot and took his touch."
He starts to shake, the tears falling faster. "What if all my decisions are just the worst for him?"
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"Then tell him you need honesty about his hurts. There's nothing else anytime can do, since hurts happen in every relationship eventually, it'll even happen to the Great She Equal to Heaven eventually. Treating him like a monkey, whatever that means, isn't a substitute for that."
"He'll stay with you as you work through it. And so will I."
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He makes another small whine and buries himself further against him. Curling up against him. At least he seems to have stopped going for the bottle. "I didn't wanna hurt him..."
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"Do you want me to teach you our chirping? If you can't make the sounds, you could make a device that creates them for you." If that would make him feel more secure...
"Beyond that, just have faith in him. You love each other. If you tell him that it's important to you that he express his hurts, he'll try his best."
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"I do. I love him so much. Its stupid. He makes me stupid," he said. To a maddening degree, some days.
As evidence by all the bottles.
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"It's not as complicated as you're making it, Red. You're upset and you have a right to be, but there's a difference between that and despairing. You want to be better for him, so do something. You're good at doing things."
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"Maybe...maybe try to make the noises and...adjust. In a program. Since his noises might not work the same? Like talking to yourself. Unless he can self soothe that way. Maybe that's a thing, he does talk to himself." MK can be very chatty to himself sometimes.
"I do. I just...I don't know how to help him right now," he said. "Since a bunch of that I...can't really fully utilize." Not until MK is okay with touch.
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