castaside | [Heart Game] From the ashes we can build

It was both, Dee. [ It got her straight in the heart because it's a fresh yet all-too-familiar pain. ] And it hit hard, yeah. Of course it did. But it wasn't hard in the I need to stop way. I just ... needed this. A moment with you.

I won't be hurting myself to try another.

[ He gets a ping from his own phone. ]

[ And a photo of Korone in an outfit she's been making for herself, sans the armbands and the thigh-high socks. If he zooms in, he'll see that the buttons are birdtile-themed - two for turtle, two for wolfsnek, and two for pigeon. ]

And neither would I. Hurt myself. There are still a lot of memories to go, but loneliness has always hit you hard. There's no reason for you to deliberately pick up more of the things that hit you hardest. At the very least we should be alternating.

[He looks at the photo.]

Oh. This is really cute.

Says the turtle who took three in a row in the last room. [ It's a mild grumble, as grumbles go. ] One more for me in here, and then we start alternating? We can adjust if we need to. Like if one of us really does need a break for that room, or in general, or we a second opinion or something ...

[ A tiny li'l stroke of her thumb against the back of his neck, beneatht he tails of his mask. ]

Just finished sewing it yesterday. [ She's nervous about wearing it, but so, so proud that she made it. ] Been trying to decide when to wear it.

You should wear it as soon as possible.

I should take this next one. I can take loneliness better. If there's a room of sensory horrors, which let's be fair, with his hearing, there probably is, you'll need to do it. I'm used to loneliness just....being a thing to be expected.

But I also know how to pull on the ninpo to counter it.

Besides, the three in the last room barely count. The vases were basically nothing. [At least in comparison to the memory.]

[ She pulls back. Not far - she's certainly not leaving the hug. She just wants to be able to look at him. ]

[ Her shoulders sink. ] I know they're not the same. My experiences growing up, and yours. But ... I spent a long time being left behind. Waiting. So being in this space, feeling it from his perspective ...

It feels like the right place for me to step up. [ She looks away. Fiddles a bit with his hoodie. The urge is there to stop talking, to just ... let it go, but maybe this is one of those times for honesty-? ]

And it's ... hard ... I guess, to be told that I shouldn't. I'm sorry.

....

It felt like you were insisting because you think I can't handle everything going on. You just...insisted right away after I touched the ship. Because I worried about him and wanted to help.

[He reaches up, brushing back her hair.]

It hurts you so much. I don't want you to suffer it alone.

Edited 2024-03-12 13:59 (UTC)

[ ... Oh. ]

[ She leans into the touch. Reaches up, cupping her palm over the back of his to entwine their fingers. ]

That isn't how I meant it ... but if that's how it came across, it's how it came across. [ She sighs. ] You're one of the strongest people I know. There's no way I'd ever think you're incapable. Even when you're hurting, you work so hard for the people you care about ...

I should have asked instead of insisting.

And you always step up. I can't think of any time you haven't stepped up and done everything you could to help.

[He squeezes her hand.] Even when it was actively hurting you to do so. Even when it wasn't...wasn't likely to work. [That time in the bunker. She had fought so hard, pushed past her limit, when she had already been blinded and weakened and he was a terrifying thing.]

I don't want you to take the memories alone. So.

We both should.

... There's been ... a couple of times. Or - or at the very least, times where it felt like ...

I just. I couldn't. I couldn't help, or be the person, the teammate, they needed. Or wanted. And the people around me knew it and -

[ ... ]

I know they thought less of me for it. You never have, and I know - I know your worry comes from a genuine place. Because you're my mate. My partner. And I - [ ... ] ... I don't ... want to make you feel like I don't trust you. Or appreciate the way you look out for me.

[ She leans in, pressing her forehead against his. ]

We both should. We ... we both should.

Okay.

If they thought less of you, that's their problem. Not yours. You are always doing your best. Maybe you weren't suited for the job, but if they thought you were judging you for it, then they should have been able to do the job themselves.

[Fierce and stern. No one should be looking down on Choco.] The whole POINT of a team is for different people to fulfill different roles. If they expected you to do something that wasn't your role, that's them being unreasonable.

[His hand moves to the back of her head, pressing his forehead to hers.]

Okay.

[A robot hand reaches out to pull the crook to them.]

Pretty sure they just thought I was a weak person and a liability in general, but ... [ A shaky sight that tries to be a chuckle. ] ... At this point ... I barely remember them. S'just a case of healing the scars they reopened. [ Whether they meant to or not. ] And making sure I remember not to let that old pain ... those insecurities, get the better of me. [ Especially with Donnie, who she knows has issues with feeling coddled. ]

[ The robot hand reaches, and Korone ... realises. ]

- Oh.

[ That's what he meant. This time she does laugh, if only quietly. Maybe a tiny, tiny bit wetly. ]

You meant - my bad; I thought you were agreeing we should both ask instead of insisting. [ Talk these things through so they can reach a compromise instead of automatically trying to jump in. ] Do you still want to-?

Then they were dumb and blind. [Said with utter seriousness.]

They're not worth that hold over you. [Also serious, but softer.]

What? Oh.

I mean.

Yes, we should do that too, probably, but that is harder to keep up consistently. [Between how protective they can get.] But we can share the burden of memories fairly consistently?

People are allowed to dislike me, y'know. [ It hurts and it SUCKS but even she's got to admit that sometimes, some people are going to be rubbed the way by her. Same way she's rubbed the wrong way by some people. But she's smiling.

His unwavering support means a lot. ]

Hard to keep up consistently, but definitely important to try. Even if it doesn't always work out how we'd hope. That's part of being partners, right? We try. Maybe mess up. Try again. Learn from it and each other.

[ She squeezes his hands. ]

... Yeah. If you're sure. [ A tiny nuzzle of her forehead against his. ] But - you were right, before, too. There's gonna be rooms where you're better to take the lead and vice versa. So ... this one together, and then we see how it goes?

People of poor taste.

If they disliked you, then that clearly colored their opinion which makes it even less valid. Not only are they wrong, they're wrong because they're biased.

There is a difference between disagreement and hurting you about it.

[A very, very big difference.]

That's true. We can mess up and get up again. [He presses his forehead against hers a bit more firmly.]

...okay. This one together and see for the others. This is better together, isn't it? Less lonely.

[ Her thoughts flash back to his confession in the first room. About the geniuses on Mouse, and the way they treated him. ]

... You're right.

You're right, and I love you, and I'm so ... so glad to have you with me. [ A chirp, love, that rings with gratitude and pride in him. ] Thank you, my heart.

Better together. [ She keeps his hand, the other one ready to reach for the crook when he gives the go-ahead. ] On three-?

I love you too. [He chirps in return, his own affection and appreciation, lightly pecking her on the lips.] We'll be okay. Together. We'll get through this.

[He nods and reaches out himself.]

Three.

Two.

One.

[And touch.]

You are Macaque, and you are a failure.

With Wukong imprisoned under the mountain, you tried to keep your brothers together. You tried, but you weren't strong enough. You're not Wukong. DBK left to pursue a Celestial maiden. The other three, thick as thieves, see little use for you without Wukong around.

They come by Flowerfruit Mountain occasionally, but for the most part you're on your own. You used to be accustomed to this, but then you let yourself grow warm with the sounds of chatter and drinks around a full table. That was naive at best, foolish at worst.

You really should just go. You're not needed here anymore. Except you can't bear to leave the monkeys. They miss their King. You're not Wukong, you're not what anyone needs, but you keep trying anyway. Taking care of them as best you can, because you're the only one left to do it.

You'll probably mess this up too.

[ She comes out of that one with her eyes stinging in sympathy ]

Oh, Macchan ...

....we're going to terrorize him so much.

[There will only be LOVE and ACCEPTANCE and WANT FOR HIM AROUND in Birdtile house.]

Damn right we are. [ And there it is, that spark of fierce, undying determination. ]

We can't change his past, but we can be here for him now and into the future. And that's ... that's something we're both good at.

[ She tries, then, to very gently lean into the silksteel purple threads within her soul; the lines of code that spell out him and her and us and we and together, connecting her and donnie. ]

[Donnie reaches out in turn. A pulse of love, affection, assurance of 'not being alone.' There is him, his purple, but also all the countless other threads that came with the ninpo.]

We are. We'll make sure he knows he'll always have a home with us.

[ The ninpo is incredible. It's a lot; it's so much that it could be overwhelming, but - ...

... but it's not as scary as she'd feared. It just ... is, and it is love. Acceptance. Belonging.

Together ]

Always. No matter what.

Always. He'll never be alone.

[He bonks his forehead against hers.]

We should head downstairs. I love our emotional talks, but we have work to do.

[ It's a bonk she returns ... along with a quick, chaste kiss. Then she stands, easily pulling him up with her. ]

You love them?

[ Back to work. Their monkeydad needs them. ]

They are immensely tiring, but also helpful. [He gets to his feet, squeezing her hand as he tugs her downstairs.]

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Re: Level S (sub 1) - East Door